Дживс, вы – гений! / Thank you, Jeeves!. Пелам Гренвилл Вудхаус

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СКАЧАТЬ a hushed voice, “do you know what’s happened? Aunt Myrtle will leave me this season.”

      “You mean somebody wants to marry her?”

      “I do.”

      “Who is this half-wit[44]?”

      “Your old friend, Sir Roderick Glossop.”

      I was stupefied.

      “What!”

      “I was surprised, too.”

      “But old Glossop can’t marry!”

      “Why not? He’s been a widower more than two years.”

      “Well, I’m dashed!”

      “Yes.”

      “Well, there’s one thing, Chuffy, old man. This means that little Seabury will get a devilish stepfather and old Glossop is just the stepson I could have wished him!”

      “You know, this Glossop is not very bad, Bertie.”

      I could not accept this.

      “But would you really say there was good in the old pest? Remember all the stories I’ve told you about him from time to time. They show him in a very dubious light.”

      “Well, he’s doing me a bit of good, anyway. Do you know what it was he wanted to see me about so urgently that day in London?”

      “What?”

      “He’s found an American he thinks he can sell the Hall to.”

      “Really?”

      “Yes. If all goes well, I shall at last get rid of it and have a bit of money in my pocket. Thanks to Uncle Roderick, as I like to think of him. So Bertie, you must learn to love Uncle Roddie for my sake[45].”

      I shook my head.

      “No, Chuffy, I fear I can’t.”

      “Well, go to hell, then,” said Chuffy agreeably. “Personally, I regard him as a life-saver.”

      “But are you sure this thing is going to be? What would this fellow do with the Hall?”

      “Oh, it is simple enough. He’s a great pal of old Glossop’s and the idea is that he will let Glossop run the house as a sort of country club for his nerve patients.”

      “Why doesn’t old Glossop simply rent it from you?”

      “What sort of state do you suppose the place is in these days? Most of the rooms haven’t been used for forty years. I need at least fifteen thousand to put it in repair. Besides new furniture, fittings and so on.”

      “Oh, he’s a millionaire, is he?”

      “Yes. All I’m worrying about is getting his signature. Well, he’s coming to lunch today, and it’s going to be a good one too. He will like it.”

      “Unless he’s got dyspepsia. Many American millionaires have. This man of yours may be one of those fellows who can’t get outside more than a glass of milk and a dog biscuit[46].”

      Chuffy laughed jovially.

      “Not much. Not old Stoker.” He suddenly began to leap about like a lamb in the springtime. “Hallo-hallo-hallo!”

      A car had drawn up at the steps. Passenger A was J. Washburn Stoker. Passenger B was his daughter, Pauline. Passenger C was his young son, Dwight[47]. And Passenger D was Sir Roderick Glossop.

      4

      Pauline Stoker Asks for Help

      Chuffy was the genial host.

      “Hallo-allo-allo! Here you all are. How are you, Mr Stoker? How are you, Sir Roderick? Hallo, Dwight. Er—good morning, Miss Stoker. May I introduce my friend, Bertie Wooster? Mr Stoker, my friend, Bertie Wooster. Dwight, my friend, Bertie Wooster. Miss Stoker, my friend, Bertie Wooster. Sir Roderick Glossop, my friend, Bertie—Oh, but you know each other already, don’t you?”

      I surveyed the mob. Old Stoker was glaring at me. Old Glossop was glaring at me. Young Dwight was staring at me. Only Pauline appeared to find no awkwardness in the situation. She was as cool as an oyster on the plate. She bounded forward, full of speech, and grabbed my hand warmly.

      “Well, well, well! Old Colonel Wooster in person! To find you here, Bertie! I called you up in London, but they told me you had left.”

      “Yes. I came down here.”

      “I see you did. Well, sir, this has certainly made my day. You’re looking fine, Bertie. Don’t you think he’s looking lovely, father?”

      Old Stoker made a noise like a pig swallowing half a cabbage. Sir Roderick had turned purple.

      At this moment, however, the Lady Chuffnell came out. Before I knew where I was, the whole gang had gone indoors, and I was alone with Chuffy. He was staring at me.

      “I didn’t know you knew these people, Bertie.”

      “I met them in New York.”

      “You saw Miss Stoker there?”

      “A little.”

      “Only a little?”

      “Quite a little.”

      “I thought her manner seemed rather warm.”

      “Oh, no. About normal.”

      “I thought you were great friends.”

      “Oh, no. She talks like that with everyone.”

      “She does?”

      “Oh, yes. Big-hearted, you see.”

      “She has got a delightful, impulsive, generous, spontaneous, genuine nature, hasn’t she?”

      “Absolutely.”

      “Beautiful girl, Bertie.”

      “Oh, very.”

      “And charming.”

      “Oh, most.”

      “In fact, attractive.”

      “Oh, quite.”

      “I saw her in London.”

      “Yes?”

      “We went to the Zoo and Madame Tussaud’s[48] together.”

      “Tell me,” I said, “how do the prospects look?”

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