Woman Of Innocence. Lindsay McKenna

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СКАЧАТЬ to get a degree. I had to do something to prove to myself I wasn’t totally a worthless human being.”

      She tapped her head. “I still have ADD—attention deficit disorder. When I was a kid they tried to drug me up to my eyeballs, in an attempt to calm me down. I just have a different way of working and thinking than most people. I thought becoming a psychologist would help me…to try and figure out who I am…or what I could be…. Oh, I know I’m a scaredy-cat. I screech if I see a spider…or a snake.” Jenny shivered, placed her arms around herself and made a face. “I really do leap up on a chair if I see a mouse. I’m such a coward. After all, I’m much bigger than any tiny little mouse or teeny spider or other creepy-crawly.” She sighed sadly. “I’m such a mess.”

      “There’re plenty of people who’ve come from broken homes,” Matt said. “And they go on to make something of themselves in life. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Jenny. You weren’t the drug addict, your mother was. You were the innocent in all this.” Without thinking, he lifted his hand and gently stroked her small, slumped shoulders.

      Matt’s touch was magical. As his strong fingers moved across her tightly knotted shoulders, she closed her eyes. His touch was healing. She felt the warmth of his hand, the strength, but also the tenderness of his touch. Amazed that such a large man could be so gentle, she released a long, pent-up sigh. Opening her eyes as his hand lifted away, she managed a sliver of a smile.

      “You’re being very kind. Thank you. I know you don’t have to be. You’re a hero ten times over. You don’t have to put up with little people, like myself.” Her mouth quirked and she avoided his gaze. “I’m sure you didn’t want this mission with me. Oh, not that anyone’s said anything….” Jenny lifted her hands. “You’re probably doing this because Morgan asked you to. I know how he sometimes puts pressure on a merc, to get them to team with someone they’ve never worked with before.”

      Just the flittery look in Jenny’s narrowed blue eyes made Matt’s heart wrench. “Whoa!” he murmured. “Slow down, will you?”

      “I know…I talk a mile a minute. It’s that Gemini moon of mine. We Geminis blather all the time. People like me don’t know when to shut up.”

      “I’m interested in what you’re saying, but you’re running along at Mach 3 with your hair on fire, and I can’t get a question in edgewise.”

      Laughing, Jenny nodded. “Fair enough. Okay, I’ll shut up and you ask what you want.” She couldn’t believe that he didn’t think less of her because of her background.

      As Matt sat up, the look in his eyes set her heart palpitating for no reason. Maybe it was his unexpected touch. She would never forget that wonderful feeling of his hand sliding across her shoulders. Even now her flesh tingled.

      Looking down and studying her questions more thoroughly, he murmured, “For someone who has ADD, you’ve done a very nice, disciplined and thoughtful job creating these questions. Looking at your work, I wouldn’t ever think you had attention problems.”

      Making a frustrated noise, Jenny wrinkled her nose. “I was so afraid that Morgan wouldn’t hire me when I told him I had ADD. People like me often make a thorough mess of everything, Matt.” She gestured nervously toward the notes he held. “My mind works differently. I see things—letters and words—differently from the normal population. I’ve had to retrain and reteach myself how to think and do things your way, not mine.” She managed a small smile of triumph. “It was hard, but I really wanted to do it, to fit in, you know?”

      “Growing up, did you stand out at school?” Matt saw the instant anguish in her eyes. Jenny avoided his incisive gaze and clenched her hands in her lap again. He was discovering that when he hit a painful nerve in Jenny, she would naturally assume that cowering position.

      “It was awful,,” she admitted softly, her voice wobbly with tears. “I was put back into a remedial class. A lot of kids made fun of me. They called me stupid. A geek. And it got so bad I just hid. I ran from them in the halls when I saw the cliques coming toward me to tease me.” She nervously touched her hair. “I wasn’t pretty. I was such a stick compared to the other girls…and no boy would ever look at me. They called me Fraidy Cat. That was my name in school. The boys would put plastic spiders and bugs in my chair, or they’d throw them in my hair, or the girls would drop one on my tray in the cafeteria….” Sighing, Jenny forced herself to look up at Matt. His face was thundercloud dark with anger. At first she thought he was angry at her. But when he unexpectedly reached out and gripped her hand, and she felt his gentle strength around her clammy fingers, Jenny knew different.

      “Kids can be brutal,” he growled. “No wonder you’re so jumpy as an adult.”

      Matt didn’t want to let go of her hand. He saw Jenny’s eyes grow tender as he held and gently squeezed her damp, cool fingers. Every protective instinct he owned rose to the surface. With the pieces of information she was divulging to him, he could understand why she was excruciatingly nervous and flighty. Her ADD made her restless, so that she could never sit still for long periods of time. And he’d mistaken that for manic activity. It had never crossed his mind that Jenny might have ADD. Giving her fingers another squeeze, he forced himself to let go of them.

      “Listen to me, Jenny. Will you?”

      “Sure.” She sat quietly, her fingers tingling in her lap. Oh, how she enjoyed his touches! Never in a million years would Jenny have thought Matt Davis, military hero, would have such a tender side to him. She felt like a wilted flower thriving beneath the sunlight of his care and concern. Her heart flooded with such joy that it took her breath away. Trying to sit passive beneath his scrutiny, she waited for him to speak.

      “You know what? I like you just the way you are. It makes me respect you a lot more knowing what you’ve gone through.” He tapped the papers in his hand. “These questions are excellent. They cut to the heart of the matter, reach the core of the interviewee. You couldn’t create insightful questions like this if you didn’t have intelligence and a very good grasp of the human condition. As a merc, I strive to maintain similar qualities because it keeps us alive out in the field. You’ve got the right stuff, Jenny. It shows here.” He tapped the papers again. “You’re very good at what you do. Even if you have to hang off chandeliers and do it upside down, what does that matter? What counts is the product. And it doesn’t bother me that you’re restless or that you talk fast. I like to hear your thoughts, what’s in that big heart of yours, and how you see the world.”

      Matt saw her eyes widening at every statement he made about her. Then her face went rose-red as she blushed to the roots of her blond hair. “And as for being a ’fraidy cat, well, let me share this with you. I’m afraid all the time. The only thing that might be different between us is that I don’t overreact in the moment. I try to handle my fear and keep thinking clearly through it.” He managed a slight smile. “Where we’re going, there’s going to be a lot of bugs and spiders because it’s jungle. But my bet is that you can use this situation to work through your fear and try to keep thinking, despite how you feel. I have faith in you, Jenny. And you know what else? I think Morgan picked the perfect person to head up this mission. I wouldn’t have been able to create the questions you have. I don’t have the training. I’m not a psychologist. You obviously know people, know how to touch them on a very deep, core level.”

      Choking back a lump that was forming quickly in her throat, Jenny stared at him. She was in shock. Finally, she whispered, “I—I’ve never had anyone give me so many compliments all at once. Are you sure you mean them? You aren’t just saying that because you feel sorry for me?”

      To hell with it. Matt reached out and grazed her flaming red cheek with his thumb. Again her СКАЧАТЬ