Unspoken Desire. PENNY JORDAN

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СКАЧАТЬ a long story,’ she said slowly, groping for the right words, suddenly almost desperately wanting to unburden herself to someone. Her conversation with Maud had resurrected old hurts, opened old wounds, and the need to share them with someone overpowered her normal reticence on the subject.

      Kate looked speculatively at her and said, ‘I’ve got plenty of time. Come on, tell me all about it.’

      ‘Well, it was just after my eighteenth birthday. My parents were away at the time out in South America. I was going to spend the summer holiday at Aysgarth as usual. Rory came to collect me from school. He wanted to show off his new car. He’d been married about six months then, and Lillian was expecting the twins.

      ‘Frazer hadn’t wanted him to get married. He thought he was too young at twenty-one to make such a commitment, but Rory overruled him. I could tell the moment he picked me up that something was wrong—we’d always got on very well together.’

      ‘Just like brother and sister?’ Kate interposed questioningly.

      Rebecca returned her look and said truthfully, ‘Exactly like brother and sister. I asked him what was wrong and on the way home he told me. He’d been having an affair and Frazer had found out. They’d been seen together and somehow or other Frazer had got to know about it. Frazer was demanding to know who it was that he was involved with.’

      ‘And?’ probed Kate as Rebecca’s voice slowed down.

      ‘And Rory didn’t want to tell him.You see, the woman he’d been involved with was actually Frazer’s girlfriend. She and her family had only recently moved to the area and Rory seemed to think that Frazer was pretty keen on her.’

      ‘And?’ Kate probed again.

      Rebecca shrugged her shoulders tiredly. ‘It’s all very simple really. Rory asked me if I’d let him tell Frazer that it had been me he’d been involved with.’ She gave a faint sigh. ‘I suppose it was naïve of me, but when Rory said how much Frazer loved Michelle and how much it would hurt him if he found out that she and Rory had been having an affair—well, I…’

      ‘You were eighteen years old, desperately in love and only too anxious to do anything you could to save the object of that love from pain,’ Kate hazarded wryly.

      Rebecca laughed a little sadly. ‘Was I so very obvious?’ she questioned.

      Her friend shook her head. ‘It all fits. I take it you were in love with this Frazer.’

      ‘I certainly thought I was,’ Rebecca agreed drily, ‘although, in the light of the events that followed, that love very quickly turned to hatred. It was never any more than a teenage crush really,’ she added dismissively.

      It had rather jolted her that Kate had so easily recognised her true feelings, and she wondered how many other people at the time had known exactly how she’d felt about Frazer. She had certainly done very little to hide her adoration of him.

      ‘Are you trying to tell me that this Frazer actually believed you were having an affair with Rory?’ Kate asked in some astonishment.

      Rebecca frowned. ‘Well, yes. Well, yes, he did. He was furious about it, of course—accused me of trying to break up Rory’s marriage, pointed out that Rory’s wife was expecting, said all the usual sort of things one might expect.’

      ‘And he really genuinely had no idea that you were making it up?’

      ‘No,’ Rebecca told her blankly. ‘Why?’

      Kate shrugged and said drily, ‘Well, no reason. He seems a bit of an idiot, though—first of all he doesn’t realise the girl he’s in love with is having an affair with his brother and then he believes that the girl who loves him is having an affair with his brother. A bit dense, is he?’ she questioned.

      Rebecca’s frown deepened. ‘No, he isn’t. In fact if anything he’s extremely perceptive—too perceptive sometimes.’

      Kate said nothing, but the look she gave her friend said it all for her.

      ‘He would have wanted to believe me,’ Rebecca told her defensively, without even knowing why she should want to defend Frazer. He certainly didn’t deserve it, nor need it, not when she remembered the tongue-lashing he had given her when Rory had confessed to him that it was she with whom he had been involved.

      ‘You mean it was preferable to believe that you were guilty of enticing his brother into an extramarital relationship rather than his girlfriend?’ Kate demanded scathingly. ‘That isn’t perception, Rebecca, it’s sheer bloody-minded stupidity. What happened?’ she asked offhandedly. ‘About his relationship with the girlfriend, I mean.’

      Rebecca frowned again. ‘That’s the odd thing about it all, really. It just sort of petered out. Well, at least that’s the impression that the rest of the family seemed to have. I suppose pride kept Frazer from admitting the truth to anyone, that he’d loved her and lost her.’

      ‘Mmm,’ Kate commented absently. She appeared to be concentrating on a small speck of fluff on the carpet. ‘And the two of you kept your distance from one another ever since, is that it?’

      Rebecca shrugged. ‘Frazer made it plain to me that my presence wouldn’t be welcome at Aysgarth in the future. Nothing he’s ever said or done has contradicted that impression.’

      ‘And now you’re being summoned up to Cumbria to look after his brother’s brats in his absence,’ Kate supplied wryly. ‘Well, I wonder what he’s going to say when he finds out about that.’

      ‘Do you think perhaps I oughtn’t to go?’ Rebecca asked anxiously.

      Despite her stunning good looks and her undoubted intelligence, not to mention her skill with her pupils, Rebecca had a sometimes disconcerting lack of self-worth, something which had always puzzled Kate, but which she now suspected she knew the reason for.

      ‘On the contrary,’ Kate told her firmly. ‘I think you ought to go,’ and then, as she saw relief lighten her friend’s features, she added softly, ‘I suppose it never occurred to you that you could tell him the truth?’ She watched as the colour left Rebecca’s face and added, as though unaware of it, ‘After all, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t now, is there? As you said yourself, the relationship with the girl in question petered out. Why haven’t you told him, Rebecca?’ she pressed.

      Rebecca turned her back on her, fidgeting with some papers on her desk.

      ‘Why should I? There’s no reason to. If he wants to believe the worst of me, then let him.’

      ‘Well, it certainly provides a very effective barrier to hide behind,’ said Kate obliquely, watching in compassion as the telltale colour ran up under her friend’s fair skin. It was an unusual combination, that blonde, silky fall of hair and that pale Celtic skin. Unusual and very, very attractive.

      Kate had lost count of the number of men she had introduced to her flatmate, who had promptly all fallen head over heels with her air of fragile, almost haunted vulnerability. As far as she knew, Rebecca had never even come close to returning their feelings. She had often wondered why her friend appeared so immune to the male sex. Now she suspected she had found the answer.

      ‘I can’t do it,’ Rebecca suddenly burst out despairingly. ‘I can’t go up there!’

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