My Only Vice. Elizabeth Bevarly

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      His desk was a scarred, ugly gray metal thing, his chair a beat-up number upholstered with cheap soiled fabric and wheels that cried out in pain when Ed settled his ample frame into it. The only decorations on the grayish-white walls were framed awards of dubious origin with Ed’s name emblazoned on them, and a handful of eight-by-tens of Ed shaking hands with people, most of whom Sam recognized as members of the Northaven Chamber of Commerce. It was all Ed, all the time, and it was more than a little creepy.

      “Vicky tells me you have a suspect in the campus narcotics traffic,” Sam said to open the conversation, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. He didn’t bother to point out that there was no actual proof of any campus narcotics traffic. Ed would have just taken ten minutes to insist otherwise.

      “I do,” Ed told him. “Rosie Bliss.”

      Wow. Sam hadn’t thought it could sound any more ridiculous a second time, but coming from Ed’s mouth, the suggestion that Rosie was peddling dope sounded even sillier than when Vicky had said it. And Vicky had been laughing hysterically at the time.

      “Rosie Bliss,” Sam echoed, swallowing the hysterical laughter he felt threatening himself.

      “Yep,” Ed said with complete confidence, running a hand over his graying crew cut.

      Sam inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly. Only when he was certain he could continue with a straight face did he do so. “And what leads you to this conclusion, Ed?”

      “Well, it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?” the other man countered. “The drug traffic on campus started not long after she moved here. She owns a flower shop, for God’s sake, so she must know all about plants and how to grow them illicitly. Kids go into her shop on a regular basis but rarely come out with flowers or plants. At least none that I can see.”

      Sam eyed the other man levelly, not much liking what he was hearing. “Are you telling me you’ve been staking out Rosie’s shop?”

      “Not at all,” Ed assured him in a way that was in no way reassuring. “I eat lunch in the square when the weather’s nice, and I’ve just happened to notice that lunch hour is often a pretty busy time for Kabloom. Only the kids that go in there don’t seem to be coming out with anything.”

      “Maybe they’re ordering flowers to be delivered,” Sam suggested.

      “Maybe,” Ed conceded. “But I doubt it.”

      “Maybe Rosie’s just popular with the college crowd,” Sam further posited. “She’s not that much older than they are. Maybe she’s just made a lot of friends since moving to town.”

      “Oh, she’s popular, all right,” Ed agreed readily. “And she’s made lots of friends. Because she’s supplying them with drugs.”

      Sam uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. This really had to stop. If Sam didn’t dissuade Ed from his belief in Rosie’s guilt, he could potentially start skirting harassment behavior. Maybe even stalking behavior. Ed did seem to have one of those borderline personalities. Of course, Sam thought further, just about everyone in Northaven was at least a little surreal.

      “Look, Ed,” he began, “I appreciate all the hours you’ve put in on this thing, but—”

      Ed started talking again before Sam had a chance to finish. “And then there’s the fact that no record of Rosie Bliss exists anywhere in the entire United States.”

      Okay, that got Sam’s attention. Not so much the part about there being no evidence of Rosie Bliss’s existence, but that Ed had taken it upon himself to look into Rosie’s background and had possibly violated police procedure—not to mention Rosie’s basic human rights—to do it.

      “Ed, seeing as how you’re head of campus security,” Sam said cautiously, “I’m not sure it’s within your jurisdiction to run a background check on a Northaven citizen.”

      Ed seemed in no way perturbed by Sam’s suggestion that he may have overstepped the bounds of his position. On the contrary, looking quite calm and complacent, he turned around to face his computer, typed a few keys and then moved out of the way. “Switchboard-dot-com,” he said as his browser opened a page on the Internet. “It’s a matter of public record for any private citizen who might be interested in looking.”

      Sam duly noted the other man’s emphasis on the phrase that indicated he hadn’t been snooping on Rosie’s private life while he was on the clock. Which, it went without saying, was a huge reassurance to Sam. Not.

      “No Rosie Blisses are listed in the entire United States,” Ed continued. “Not even in Northaven.”

      “Ed,” Sam said patiently, “Switchboard-dot-com is an online phone directory. If someone has an unlisted number, it won’t show up there. Obviously, Rosie’s kept her number unlisted, which is something a lot of women who live alone choose to do for the sake of security.”

      Ed blinked at him, looking a little nonplussed now. But all he said in reply was, “Oh.”

      “Besides, Rosie’s probably a nickname,” Sam pointed out. “Try Rose Bliss this time.” And he tried not to think about how he was just encouraging Ed. Okay, so maybe he was interested in Rosie, too. Just in a non-criminal way. Except for the fact that the way she made him feel sexually was actually pretty criminal.

      Ed turned back to the computer and entered the altered information, and this time more than a dozen names appeared.

      “See there?” Sam said.

      “There’s not one listed for Northaven,” Ed pointed out, though with considerably less flair this time.

      “Like I said, Ed. Unlisted.”

      Sam thought the other man would just let it go at that, and started to rise to make his way out. But he halted when Ed reached for the gold-tone badge pinned to his blue uniform shirt and unpinned it, then unhitched the gun on his belt and set it on the desk.

      “Oh, now, Ed, there’s no reason to go to that extreme,” Sam hastily reassured him, taking his seat once more. “You don’t have to resign over something like this. It’s no big deal, really. You and I can just keep your investigation of Rosie Bliss that may or may not be a violation of police procedure,” he inserted meaningfully, since it never hurt to emphasize a reminder like that, “between ourselves. No one else has to know. Now put your badge and gun back where they belong.”

      Ed looked confused for a minute, then when he seemed to understand what Sam had said he looked shocked. “Resign?” he echoed indignantly. “I’m not resigning. I’m taking a break. As of this moment, I’m a private citizen, off the clock.” He pointed to his watch. “It’s lunch hour. Man’s gotta eat.” And with that, he pulled a paper sack out of the side desk drawer and unwrapped a sandwich, chips and can of soda.

      Feeling a little confused himself now, Sam nevertheless said, “Well, then, I’ll be off.” Though he still wasn’t confident Ed had let the matter of Rosie Bliss go.

      That was only reinforced when Ed said, “And maybe while I’m having lunch, I’ll just do a little surfing on the ’Net. I like to surf the ’Net to search for things. Search for people. You never know what’ll turn up. You ever surf the ’Net, Sam?”

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