Название: Dark Moonless Night
Автор: Anne Mather
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Современные любовные романы
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Neither Charles nor Elizabeth had reappeared, and Caroline hoped that this was a good sign. At any rate, Elizabeth hadn’t made another scene and turned him out of the bedroom.
After that, the bungalow was very quiet. Thomas had wished her goodnight and left for some private destination of his own, and Caroline sat in the lounge for a while wondering what one did in the evenings here. It was scarcely nine o’clock and yet bed seemed the only sensible conclusion.
Turning out the lights, she eventually went to her own cubbyhole of a room. Thomas had left her suitcase standing at the foot of the bed, and she lifted it on to a plain stinkwood chest that would apparently have to serve as a storage container for her underwear. The only other furniture in the room, apart from the iron-framed bed, was a tall hanging-closet, which, when she opened the door, smelt so strongly of disinfectant that she was deterred from hanging anything inside; and a kind of marble-topped wash-stand, on which stood a basin and a jug of rather brackenish-coloured water in which floated a motley assortment of flying insects. The floor was covered by a kind of cheap linoleum, and there was a rag rug beside the bed. All in all, it was not a very inspiring apartment, but at least the bed felt comfortable when she bounced on it.
Scooping away most of the insects, she managed to rinse her face and hands before taking off her clothes and putting on her nightdress. Quite honestly, she wished she had brought some pyjamas with her. There was something rather vulnerable about a nightdress when one couldn’t be sure that one’s bed might not be invaded by ants in the night.
Thrusting such disquieting thoughts aside, she turned out the light and climbed into bed. She supposed Elizabeth ought to be grateful that there was electric light here, run from a community generator. They could quite easily have found themselves with only oil lighting and no kind of refrigeration for food.
Lying there in the darkness, Caroline found her thoughts turning back to her meeting with Gareth Morgan. She had known this would happen, and that was why she had been loath to go to bed, but sooner or later she had to face the fact that whatever he had once felt for her, now he despised her and any crazy ideas she had had about effecting a reconciliation should be forgotten.
All the same, her reasons for coming here had not changed. The pity of it was that she had been unable to come any sooner. Anything she said now he would disbelieve even were he prepared to listen, which he so obviously was not. Why was it that one never recognised the value of something until it was out of reach?
She rolled on to her stomach, burying her face in the pillow. Could she ever be excused for her behaviour of seven years ago? She had only been seventeen years old, after all, whereas Gareth had been thirty even then. Perhaps that was why he had been so easily deterred. Perhaps he had considered himself too old for her. But it hadn’t been that. It had been her own stupid belief that without a secure background—without money—no love could hope to survive. From an early age her mother had drilled it into her—the old adage: when poverty comes in the door, love flies out of the window. And she had believed it, believed it blindly. Hadn’t her own father left her mother when she was small for those very reasons? Hadn’t he taken off with some flighty young thing who had a job of her own and wouldn’t saddle him with a home and family to support? Hadn’t she seen the marriages of people around who were finding it hard to make ends meet and who indulged their frustrations in rows? And she had determined not necessarily to marry for money instead of for love, but rather only to love where money was.
Time had passed, changing things, changing Caroline’s ideas, and bringing with it the realisation of exactly what she had lost. But by then it had been too late to regress. Gareth had placed himself out of her reach, and she had had to go on alone and make a life for herself.
And she had succeeded admirably. She had gone to college and become a qualified teacher, obtaining for herself a good post at a large comprehensive school. She was well liked among the staff and popular with the pupils, and after her mother died two years ago she had managed to get a small flat and become independent. From time to time she had had word of Gareth. His married sister lived in Hampstead, not far from where Caroline and her mother had lived, and whenever Caroline went back to visit old friends she had heard of Gareth through them.
Eventually, the thing that Caroline had once wanted to happen became reality. Through the headmaster at the school, she became friendly with Jeremy Brent, the headmaster of a well-established boys’ preparatory school in Kensington. He was everything she had once looked for in a husband—rich and attractive, of a good family with excellent prospects, and what was more would inherit his father’s baronetcy one day. He was instantly attracted to her and lost no time in asking her out and showing his interest was serious. Caroline should have been delighted, she should have been proud that a man like Jeremy wanted her for his wife, but something stopped her from falling in love with him. She knew that some part of her still hankered after a man who within a year of their separation had married and was still married to someone else. She used to tell herself that she was a fool, that if she wasn’t careful she’d end up like her mother, a lonely and embittered woman, but nevertheless, although she became engaged to Jeremy she delayed the inevitability of marriage.
Naturally, Jeremy became impatient. There was absolutely no reason why they should not get married right away. As well as his service flat in town, and his apartments at the school, he owned a small house in Sevenoaks which would suit them ideally until they started a family. He offered her a cruise to the West Indies for their honeymoon, and an unlimited account at Harrods to buy her trousseau. But still Caroline hesitated.
And then, early in the New Year, she had learned that Gareth’s wife had left him, that they were getting a divorce, and suddenly she had known that this was why she had been delaying her marriage to Jeremy.
She had half expected that Gareth would come home, to England. She knew his parents were dead, but there was his married sister in Hampstead who hadn’t seen him for years. But Gareth didn’t come to England, and as the weeks passed Caroline had become impatient and restless. Then, when the opportunity arose to accompany Elizabeth Lacey and her children out to Tsaba, she had not hesitated. She had told Jeremy the truth—that she was very much afraid she loved someone else—and that before settling down with him she had to make sure.
Jeremy had not seemed too surprised. He had sensed for weeks that something was troubling her, but when it came to her giving him back his ring he became obstinate. He insisted that he was convinced this was just a phase she was going through, that when she got out to Africa and met this man again she would realise how foolish she had been, that no emotion she had felt when she was still a schoolgirl could possibly survive her maturity to womanhood.
However, Caroline could be obstinate too when she chose, and she had made him take back the ring.
‘Who knows?’ she had commented lightly, ‘in the six weeks I’m away, you might meet someone far more worthy of your love than I am.’
‘Don’t be facetious!’ Jeremy had snapped, snatching her in his arms and pressing his lips to hers. ‘I won’t let you go like this. I won’t let you leave the country without the badge of my possession on your finger.’
‘But you don’t possess me,’ Caroline had replied, rather quietly, and Jeremy had become angry.
‘Perhaps I should have done,’ he had exclaimed furiously. ‘Perhaps if you were already mine, this fellow wouldn’t want you anyway. Or were you his possession first?’
Caroline had slapped his face then. She had been unable to prevent herself and Jeremy had had the grace to look ashamed. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Caroline,’ he had cried СКАЧАТЬ