The Testimony. James Smythe

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СКАЧАТЬ I did not reply. I would ignore him, and he would retreat. He carried on talking: If it was God, do you think He’ll forgive us? I’ve never contemplated that part, you know? That we’re here, and we were going to die, sure, but I always assumed there was nothing after, nothing at all, just blackness, you know? I’m sure that I heard him smirk at that, a private joke, however unintentional. I was a rarity on the corridor, a prisoner that they couldn’t pigeonhole. I had education, which so many here did not; the crime I was here for wasn’t thoughtless, or without reason and logic. I was the spearhead of a sacrifice, which many did not try to understand, or did not care to. They saw me as just another man of colour, a brute, a thug: they offered me drugs, or expected that I had access to them; they assumed that I was willing to fight them, which I was, but not on their whims. Finkler persisted. I mean, sheesh, God! Wonder if He spoke to everybody or just us guys? Maybe He’s been on our side all along; maybe He knows I’m innocent. Finkler had killed six women over a twenty-year period: they caught him burying the seventh alive. His guilt was without question.

      The alarms rang out, even in the corridor, where we were completely locked down. When our cells opened it was at the behest of armed guards, guns pointed at us. Those who are lost have nothing to lose, the governor said of us. The alarms seemed louder than we had ever heard them. Somebody’s kicking up a fuss, Finkler said, must have made a break for it. Or they’re fighting. I didn’t try to see. I sat on my cot and prayed, again, that I might see some way through this. Shit, Finkler said – and what I wouldn’t have given for him to shut his mouth – maybe they’ll stay our sentences, because, you know, God’s here! They won’t stay our sentences, I said to him, breaking my silence. Our sentences are not just in this world. Oh, sure, he said, but, you know, I’d rather face that one in forty years, when it’s actually my time. He fell quiet. In another life, I would have ended Finkler’s life in a heartbeat. Here, now, he sounded sad, the tragically hopeful murderer, rapist. He pleaded for pity and forgiveness, because his crime was thoughtless, driven by lust and desire, not the betterment of his people. He and I were nothing alike.

       Mei Hsüeh, professional gamer, Shanghai

      I was Teolis, my Dark Elf Necromancer (level 83, about two years’ worth of playtime), and the first dungeon we were hitting was in the Northern Lands. So, we dressed for snow – they rolled that out in the last update, having to adapt your armour for the environment – and I travelled up there on Hector, my winged horse. I gave Te’lest a ride. He was our guild’s best tank, a huge Orc, built to withstand whatever punishment could be thrown at him. We were trying to assemble the guild together, because we’d arranged the time a few days before, but most of them weren’t online. Fifteen out of thirty were offline, so we said we would wait. There’s a goblin newsreader in the Northern Lands who reads real-world stories out like he’s a town crier, and he was saying about the riots. He was the first person I remember seeing using the words The Broadcast, and at first I didn’t even know it wasn’t an in-game thing, and then I saw other people using it – this troll was trying to find somebody with the skills to carve it into his hammer, and another guy was making armour with it printed on the back – and I realized it was outside as well. I thought about logging off, and then all fifteen arrived, which was enough to do the first dungeon, easy, so we rolled off, and I forgot about it for a while.

       Phil Gossard, sales executive, London

      Karen and Jess got home ridiculously late because the roads, Karen said, were at a standstill with people parking outside churches. Not at the side of the road, either, she said, but right there in the middle of the road, if that was all they could find. You should have just ploughed through them, I said, show them who’s really boss. I didn’t mean that; it was a thoughtless thing to say. We stayed up and watched TV all night, and I tried to explain to Jess what The Broadcast could be if it wasn’t God. All her friends said that it was. She went to a church-affiliated school, and that was all they were talking about. Eventually I said that she had to go to bed, and that caused a tantrum, but she had school the next day. Can’t I stay home? she asked, and I said that she couldn’t. She hated school at the best of times. She was born with a vascular birthmark on her face, across her cheek, her nose, meeting her top lip on the left side. It got paler as she got older, but it was there all the same. She had a rough time of it with the other kids.

      I went up to check on her ten minutes later, when they were cutting away to yet more talking heads, an easy way to fill the time. She was kneeling by the side of her bed, and I’d never seen her do that before. I’m praying, she said, and I asked her what for, and she said, I think I’m going to ask for a dog. I told her that God didn’t work like that. Fine, she said, I’ll pray that school is cancelled tomorrow. I think that’s more his sort of thing, I replied.

       Audrey Clave, linguistics postgraduate student, Marseilles

      Jacques and I ended up sleeping in this room off the language labs, somebody’s office, one that they gave to a professor with a title but not a real job, one of the codgers. There wasn’t really anything in the room; it was more like a big cupboard when you stood in it, with an empty desk and a cactus (because it couldn’t die) and some books on the shelves, all covered in dust. There was a rug on the floor, Turkish, it looked like, expensive, and it had barely been used. I should take that for our office, I said, and then Jacques moved the furniture over up against the window and we locked the door and lay down. That was the first night we slept together, had sex, whatever. Afterwards we were going to sleep, and I had just shut my eyes when we got woken up by David banging on the door. Open up, he shouted. It’s Patrice, he’s gone, and I don’t know where. We got dressed and Jacques ran with him to the green in the middle of the main buildings, to see if he was there or if anybody had seen him leaving. I went out the front to get some cigarettes from the machine – I could taste them on Jacques, and I suddenly missed them, that taste – and there were people out there staring up at the roof, just like with the guy before. Patrice was on the parapet, I could see his legs dangling. The building wasn’t exactly tall, only five storeys, but it was old, high ceilings, and he was just sitting there. He didn’t seem to be moving. I ran upstairs, praying to God that he would be there when I got to him, and he was. Don’t jump, I said. I just want to sit and talk, and he nodded and said that was fine, but he had been crying, and he looked so sick that I wondered if he had taken something, but I didn’t want to ask, not then.

      He offered me a cigarette, like he could tell somehow that I wanted one, even though I hadn’t smoked in nearly six months, and I coughed my way through the first few drags, shuffling along the ledge with him. I didn’t look down. We didn’t talk as we smoked; we sat and swung our legs. When I had put mine out, smoked only halfway, because that was all I could manage, I asked him what he was doing. He lit a second one, which I thought was a good sign, and he said, Maybe, if I pray really hard, He might accept me back. Back? I asked him. What do you mean, Back? You haven’t gone anywhere. Besides, eh, it might not be Him. It might be anything. You want to be praying to a bunch of aliens? But I must have sounded fake to him, because I sounded fake to myself. I was sure that it was God. Come back inside with me, I said, we’ll go and have a coffee and talk this out, and he nodded, we both stood up, and he just stepped off the roof. I heard the crowd scream, but I didn’t look down, because I didn’t want to see that. I ran downstairs, I don’t remember screaming or crying, but apparently I was, and by the time I got there this one guy, a stoner I recognized because he was always sitting on the benches outside the offices, told me that Patrice was the third person he’d seen that day do it. I sat there and waited for the police with Jacques and David, who found me when they heard the crowd scream, but the police didn’t come until the next day, they were so busy.

       HOW IT FELT TO BE SPECIAL

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