I’m Keeping You. Jane Lark

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       CHAPTER FOUR

      Rachel

      Sunlight poured through the transparent curtains. Jason was sitting on the bed, looking at me, and the TV was on. “What?” I breathed from a croaky throat.

      “It’s eleven-thirty; you’ve had twelve hours’ sleep.”

      He knew what that meant. It meant my mood had dropped. I was morose and tired when my mood was low—but it didn’t have to mean the meds were wearing off, the meds made me sleepy anyway.

      “Do you want to call Saint, then go for a run?” He also knew that running was a good trigger for helping me lift my mood.

      I sat up. “I’d like to call Mom and speak to Saint.” Jason was fully clothed in running gear, he looked like he’d been up for ages waiting for me to wake up. He got up and walked over to pick my cell up from the nightstand, then threw it on to the bed next to me.

      My heart raced as I looked up Mom and Dad’s number. An image of Saint hovered in my head, the one of him laughing for the first time last week. I touched the call icon for their home number. It rang about five times as my heart pounded out the seconds.

      “Hello. This is Mrs. Macinlay.”

      “Hi, Mom.”

      “Rachel. How are you?”

      “We’re okay. We walked around where Jason used to live last night. Is Saint okay?”

      “Yes, dear, he’s fine.”

      “Did he sleep okay?”

      “Yes, all through the night. We’ve put him in our room as he’s used to sleeping in with you and Jason.”

      “Thanks…” I sighed the word out in relief. Saint was okay. Yet… What if he didn’t miss me because I was such a crappy mom? That thought made me want him not to be okay, but that made me feel more of a shitty mom. “Could you put the phone to his ear?”

      “He’s with Grampy, wait a moment, I’ll take the phone to them.” The line was silent for a while then she said, “Here you are.”

      I heard breathing. “Saint, it’s Mommy. Hello, sweetheart.” There was a slight catch in his breath, that said he knew my voice.

      Jason came over to the bed and bent down near my cell. “It’s Daddy too.”

      “I miss you. I love you,” I whispered into the cell.

      “We miss you and we love you,” Jason said loudly, before he straightened up.

      Why did I keep judging Jason badly? He was here to fight for Saint. He wanted to adopt Saint. Of course he loved him too. If I kept doubting him, I was going to push him away. I had to stop my head from doubting him.

      His mom came back on. “Saint was smiling and listening like he was trying to work out where you were in the room.”

      “Give him lots of cuddles and kisses from us. I’ll call again tonight.”

      “Okay, call as often as you want, and we’re going to cuddle him all day long.” Jason’s mom had become my mom too. She was really patient with my weirdness and paranoia.

      “Thank you. Bye.”

      “Goodbye, Rachel, give our love to Jason.” The call went dead.

      I looked up at him. “She sends you their love. Saint smiled.”

      Jason smiled at me, with his mouth shut. I wanted him to give me a big full-on broad smile. I wanted to smile like that too—I wanted my meds to wear off so that I could smile like that again.

      “I’ll get up and go running with you.” I threw the comforter back. I had to walk past him because the room wasn’t very wide. He smacked my ass.

      “Good girl.”

      I glanced at him over my shoulder. The smile pulling at my lips had a warmth that came from my belly. Maybe my meds had started wearing off.

      I turned around and looked at him. “I’m sorry I shouted at you last night.”

      “It’s okay, you’re forgiven.” He shrugged it off.

      We ran down to Prospect Park, one of the places we used to run when I’d lived with him here. I hadn’t run with him for weeks and it meant he had to go a lot slower, but Jason had never cared about that, he’d always made it clear he liked running with me.

      Just by living with him, I held him back—but he kept saying he didn’t care.

      Blood pulsed in my arteries and my muscles flooded with energy, as the sounds of the city absorbed and consumed me while we ran: cars, cabs, people. Jason had his earphones in, but I hadn’t put any music on, I was just running to the heartbeat of New York.

      When we got into the park, the noisy sounds of the city drifted into the distance and the closer noise became the birds amidst the jewel-like colors of the leaves on the trees that had changed for the fall, and there were kids and some guys playing a game of baseball. We ran a circuit around the park, then ran back to the hotel, I was breathing hard when we arrived and I doubled over in the elevator trying to get my breath back, but it was a good sort of breathless.

      Jason had pulled out his earphones and they dangled from his neck, still playing music.

      “What are you listening to?”

      He gave me a smile that was a little wider than any other smile I’d had from him today. “The compilation you gave me last Christmas.”

      I straightened up as a sound of humor slipped out of my throat. I smiled at him with parted lips. I loved him so much, it gripped in my belly as well as my chest and sent a tingle through my nerves into my muscles, that were warm from running.

      When we reached our room and shut the door СКАЧАТЬ