Here’s Looking At You. Mhairi McFarlane

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      ‘We’ve got something rather special here,’ which Anna took to mean, I think she’s about to buy this, so stay on bloody message, bitches.

      Aggy walked out wearing a sheepish smile and what was obviously The Dress. It had a full Tinkerbell skirt in glistening layers of raggy tulle and a strapless, thimble-sized bodice, which Anna wouldn’t have been able to wrestle her ribcage inside. Aggy looked like she should be onstage in a ballet, and rather wonderful.

      ‘Oh Agata!’ Judy said, bursting into tears and jumping up to hug her.

      ‘S’amazing, Mum,’ Aggy sniffled. ‘I feel like a princess.’

      Anna stayed put and let her mum’s raptures subside while she poured the last dregs of the cava into her glass.

      ‘Don’t you like it?’ Aggy called to Anna.

      ‘I do. I’m toasting a job well done. You look like you’re really getting married in that. And only the second dress. Good going. Honestly, you look beautiful. It’s “big wedding” but it’s tasteful.’

      Aggy twirled and pinched at layers of the skirt, letting them drift back down. ‘You know how they say when you meet The One, you know? I’ve just met the one.’

      After sufficient cooing, sighing and ogling had taken place, and an elated Sue had dashed off to find the paperwork, Anna asked how much it was.

      ‘Three,’ Aggy said.

      Anna’s mouth made an ‘O’.

      ‘And a half,’ Aggy added. ‘And another 250. It’s £3,750. Veil not included.’

      ‘Gordon’s alive, Aggy! Four grand on something you’re going to wear once?’

      ‘Don’t you like it?’ Aggy pouted.

      ‘I think you look amazing, I think you could look amazing for half that though. A large proportion of the amazing is you. Like Sue said, you’d look lovely in most things.’

      ‘Hmmm,’ Aggy twirled again. ‘Mum?’

      ‘You look like Audrey Hepburn! Or Darcey Bussell in The Nutcracker!’

      ‘Soon you’ll need to be a safe cracker.’

      Aggy giggled.

      Anna was in a bind. If she counselled against the expense of this dress any further, they’d simply question her motives. She’d be accused of letting bitter spinster wrath wreck Aggy’s happiness. Nevertheless, Anna genuinely felt no unsisterly envy. She’d need to want to marry someone before she could seriously covet a wedding. She couldn’t put the gown before the groom.

      ‘I’m going to make sure single men come to the wedding. For you,’ Aggy said, as if her mind was running along similar lines.

      ‘Yes. You should get out and see people, Aureliana,’ their mum said, as if this was the moment to finally address her elder daughter’s agoraphobia.

      ‘I meet people!’ Anna said.

      Aggy was twisting her hair into a chignon and pouting, angled towards a mirror. Judy bustled off for a confab with Sue.

      ‘I went to a school reunion,’ Anna said.

      ‘Did you?!’ Aggy said, hand slipping from hair and jaw falling open, reflection momentarily forgotten. ‘Why?’

      ‘Thought I’d face my fear. It was pointless, as it turns out that fear didn’t know my face. Seriously Ags, not one of them twigged who I was. I don’t know whether to be pleased or not. Michelle says it’s proof I’ve left it behind for good.’

      ‘Did you see … any of them?’ Aggy said.

      ‘Er … oh. James Fraser?’ Anna said, with a hollow little laugh.

      ‘James Fraser?! What did he say?’

      ‘Nothing. He didn’t know who I was either. Still so far up himself it’s unbelievable. I felt like saying to him, you know you were only a hero when you were sixteen? Now you’re nobody.’ Anna surprised herself with the vehemence in her voice.

      ‘Real talk. Is he still totes bangable?’

      ‘Depends on whether you like cardigans and cancer of the personality.’

      ‘Aw, does he look like Elmer Fudd now? No way!’ Aggy placed a hand on her hip and turned, with difficulty in the fantasy dress.

      Anna smiled.

      ‘He remains vile and arrogant but also still good-looking, which is all that matters, obviously.’

      ‘I simply need to take a deposit!’ Sue said, emerging again, triumphant, their mother in tow. Aggy demanded their mum bring her Alexa handbag.

      They left, showered in Sue’s love, with Anna feeling distinct unease at her sister’s spendthriftery.

      After hasty goodbyes outside in the miserable weather, with their mum having to rush to catch her bus to Barking, Anna tried to reason with Aggy.

      ‘You can get a dressmaker to recreate that design for loads less, you know.’

      ‘Marianne did that, and it never looks as good, honestly. You spend the whole day thinking about the other dress.’

      ‘If you spend the whole day thinking about a dress, something has gone wrong anyway.’

      Aggy tuned out remarks like that.

      ‘Your dress next, Anna! We’ll make a day of it, go for lunch.’

      ‘OK. Nothing ridiculous, promise me.’

      ‘Ridick! You’re going to look the best you’ve ever looked in your whole life.’

      ‘Setting the bar quite low,’ Anna grinned.

      Aggy looked as if she was hesitating about saying something, which was rare.

      ‘I never knew what they were going to do, you know. At the Mock Rock. I was telling them to stop.’

      ‘Oh God, I know. Don’t worry about it.’ Anna felt a familiar and severe twinge of pain and shame. No matter how many times she reassured Aggy she didn’t blame her for being in the audience, this always came up.

      Aggy’s eyes welled and Anna patted her shoulder. It was typical Aggy that in trying to console Anna, Anna ended up consoling her.

      ‘And when Mr Towers made us clean up the Quality Street,’ she said, tears coming in a stream, ‘I didn’t eat any on principle.’

       14

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