The Guestbook at Willow Cottage: A feel-good, romantic comedy to make you smile. Holly Martin

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СКАЧАТЬ second time a quiche appeared in my kitchen with a packet of rat poison next to it. The quiche tasted amazing, Annie always could cook.

      I had to give her points for trying on the third attempt. I woke to find her straddling me, dressed head to toe in a black leather cat suit, her hair slicked back, her eyes lined with black and a knife pressed to my throat. I must admit she did look mean, but I was too busy trying not to be turned on to be scared of her. Quite frankly if she had killed me then I would have gone with a huge grin on my face.

      Annie, I know you just don’t have it in you to be a killer. I’ve seen you stop the car for a frog to cross the road. You didn’t even have the guts to use a real knife, you had a spoon handle pressed to my throat.

      I didn’t want to hurt you. I could be believable as a killer, just you wait and see.

      Thursday:

      Annie may be a better killer than I thought. Last night I nearly died laughing.

      She had made a dummy by stuffing old clothes with newspapers, a head out of an old melon and fastened it all together to look like a body then wrapped it in a black bin bag. Just as it was starting to turn dark she went out to her front garden, and in full view of the rest of the village, dug a hole to bury the body. She obviously wanted to raise suspicions and prove that people would think she was capable of such a thing.

      She was in luck. David Lambeth, the local constabulary, was driving past and he stopped when he saw her digging. I think she nearly did a little victory dance that he would ask her what she was doing and to explain the body shaped bag on her front lawn. But without a word, David went to the shed, grabbed another spade and helped her to dig the hole only stopping once to clarify how deep she wanted it. I laughed so much I think I ruptured something inside.

      Even when I told him I wanted the hole six feet deep he didn’t bat an eyelid. I did relent in the end and told him I’d finish the hole the next day. He’s coming round later to help me finish it off.

      Friday:

      I’m being kicked out today. Apparently a paying guest is more important than family.

      You can stay in my spare room, you know that. I promise not to jump you.

      I’d prefer to keep the boundaries a bit stricter, after last time.

      Prude.

      I’ll be back for the grand re-opening of The Painted Plate. Take Care Annie, Sophia, take care of her.

       I will. Don’t stay away so long next time. Sophia x

      **********

      14th - 17th March

      Mrs Applecroft.

       FRIDAY:

       THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE MRS BUTTERWORTH WAS GRIEVING THE DEATH OF HER HUSBAND. THE PLACE WAS A MESS.

       I APPRECIATE THAT THE UPKEEP OF WILLOW COTTAGE WAS NOT HIGH ON HER LIST OF PRIORITIES WHEN SHE WAS TRYING TO ORGANISE A FUNERAL BUT STILL I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED SOME STANDARDS. WHEN MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY, I MADE SURE THE HOUSE WAS STILL CLEANED EVERY DAY.

       HOWEVER, WELLS-NEXT-THE-SEA IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE AND AS I HAD BEEN A REGULAR GUEST UP UNTIL THE WEEK OF THE FUNERAL, I THOUGHT I WOULD COME BACK AND GIVE WILLOW COTTAGE ONE MORE CHANCE.

       I’M PLEASED TO SEE THE PLACE HAS BEEN REDECORATED AND ALTHOUGH SOME OF THE DÉCOR IS NOT TO MY TASTE, THE HOUSE IS MOSTLY CLEAN.

       MRS APPLECROFT

      My apologies that Willow Cottage was not up to the usual standards you had come to expect the last time you were here. It’s such a shame that you have stayed away because of that. We have missed you and your very helpful advice on how to improve the cottage. I know Sophia especially will be delighted you are back.

      I did let things slip a bit when Nick died and I have never forgiven myself for not being clean and tidy in the months after his death. It is a burden I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Hopefully we can go some way to restoring your faith in us this time. After all Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

      Annie Butterworth.

       YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

       I HAVE JUST BEEN FOR A WALK ON THE BEACH AND THOUGH IT IS STILL BEAUTIFUL I WAS ANGERED TO SEE THERE WERE HORSE FAECES ON THE PATH LEADING DOWN TO THE SEA FRONT. DISGUSTING! IF DOG OWNERS HAVE TO PICK UP AFTER THEIR PETS, HORSE OWNERS SHOULD BE NO DIFFERENT.

       HAVE WATCHED FOUR MEN LEAVE SOPHIA LORENZO’S HOUSE IN THE LAST TWO HOURS. HER HUSBAND IS SEEMINGLY AWAY ON BUSINESS. WHILE THE CAT’S AWAY…

       THE SIGN TO BUTTERWORTH FARM IS SQUEAKY AND IN NEED OF OILING.

       ANNIE BUTTERWORTH SINGING IN HER BACK GARDEN IS DISTURBING MY READING.

       SATURDAY:

       THE SUN SHINES TOO BRIGHTLY THROUGH MY BEDROOM WINDOW; IT MIGHT BE AN IDEA TO INVEST IN SOME BLACK OUT CURTAINS. THE PILLOWS ARE HARD. THE BIRDS SINGING ALSO DISTURBED ME FROM MY SLEEP.

       I SEE YOUNG SHELLIE GILLESPIE STAYED OVER WITH MICHAEL ATKINSON LAST NIGHT, I SAW HER LEAVE HIS HOUSE VERY EARLY THIS MORNING. IT SEEMS THE TINY VILLAGE OF CHALK HILL HAS BECOME A HOTBED OF SIN.

       JUST GOT BACK FROM A WALK ROUND THE SHOPS. I WAS DISAPPOINTED TO SEE THE WOOL SHOP HAS BEEN REPLACED BY SOME CRASS LOOKING CAKE SHOP.

       SUNDAY:

       SOPHIA LORENZO DISTURBED MY BREAKFAST TO COME AND CLEAN. I MUST TELL HER ABOUT THE DUST ON TOP OF THE WARDROBES. I WILL LEAVE A NOTE. I DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE REPRIMANDING THE HELP.

       The help???

       Firstly, if you’d had the decency to cancel your booking when we told you about Nick’s death you wouldn’t have come at the worst possible time in Annie’s life.

       Secondly, the four men that left my house on Friday night were all builders and decorators who were giving me a quote for a new fitted bathroom. I may be bloody amazing in bed but even I could not satisfy four men in less than two hours.

       Thirdly, Shellie Gillespie is now married to Michael Atkinson and was leaving early to go to work, but even if they weren’t married this is the twenty first century and what consenting adults do behind closed doors has nothing whatsoever to do with you.

       Fourthly, if you want to climb up on top of the wardrobe and dust it, be my guest.

       Sophia Lorenzo

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