While You Were Dreaming. Lola Jaye

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СКАЧАТЬ her other sister–Millie–had got to. She was meant to be here by now and was late.

      ‘I thought your sister was supposed to be here?’ Nurse Gratten remarked, as if reading her thoughts. Cara ignored her and peered at her watch again, wondering where indeed her irresponsible little sister had got to. Or rather, into whose bed she’d climbed.

      ‘Cara…’ began Ade in a ‘I want to chastise you like a little kid for ignoring the lovely nurse, but we’re in a public place and oh, I should know better than to try that, if I ever want to share a bed with you again’ voice.

      ‘Ade’, Cara interrupted him, ‘this is the third time she’s been late. Doesn’t she get it? Lena’s stuck in here and yet that doesn’t seem like a big enough disaster to force her to get her act together. She’s such a kid!’

      ‘Don’t upset yourself.’

      ‘I can’t get any more upset! We’ve a bar to run and she can’t just swan in when she feels like it!’ she snapped. She was aware she was taking her feelings out on the wrong person, but she also knew Ade could take it. They’d been together for over ten years; he knew her ways. And he knew how much she loved him.

      ‘She’ll be here,’ whispered Ade into her ear, his taut, strong arms enveloping her in a hug. At well over six foot tall, Ade was strong enough to hold onto her, whether she resisted or not. But it was as if she needed to resist in order to fully appreciate what he was offering: love, protection, safety.

      He held onto her before she managed to pull away from him and turn her gaze back to Lena and the situation as a whole.

      Actually, the whole situation was ridiculous. Lena, the most careful person in the whole world–she wrote lists, for Pete’s sake!–tripping over a shoe, indeed (a bloody shoe?)! Falling down the stairs. Ending up in this hospital bed. Hard to believe, yet it was all so very, very real. The doctors had tried everything they could but nothing seemed to be working with Lena. And, as each day passed, she could see the doctor with the bad teeth becoming ever more doubtful as her sister remained in that deep sleep, fed by a nasogastric tube, the odd reflex action reminding family and friends gathered around that she was actually still alive.

      ‘Damn it. Damn all of it. That shoe. Justin, for being a crap boyfriend and not looking out for her! What was he thinking?’ she said hoarsely.

      ‘Let’s all just calm down a bit,’ said Nurse Gratten, as Cara made a mental note to put in a complaint about her as soon as Lena was discharged from this dump of a hospital. About what, she wasn’t yet sure, but someone had to pay for this. Of course she knew she was sounding irrational, but nothing felt rational any more.

      ‘There’s a lot of research that says Lena can hear everything you’re saying, so try and keep it…’ She looked towards them, and perhaps remembering her place, relaxed a bit. ‘Let’s all stay calm, for Lena. She needs us all to be strong.’

      Friends and colleagues of Lena had trickled in to the hospital in the first week to see her, but Cara had found it difficult to converse with the unfamiliar faces. Eventually, they stopped coming. Who could blame them, though? They had their lives to lead. The only people Lena needed were her two sisters and Ade–everyone else (and that included the handful of aunties that resided in Southampton) were mere acquaintances. So nowadays, in Lena’s room, all she could expect was the sound of her own voice as she muttered words of encouragement to her sister or the clicking tap-tap of shoes travelling up and down the corridor outside the room. Whenever she, Ade, and Millie sat together, none of them really knew what to say. No one really wanting to look at Lena because to look at her would make it all seem real.

      Ade rushed off to get her a coffee whilst Nurse Gratten muttered something about seeing to the other patients–and at last Cara was alone with her beloved sister in that room.

      Just the way she preferred it.

      Cara clutched her hand. Lena’s nails were uneven and cracked. A stark contrast to her own manicured fingers. She wasn’t going to cry–no, she’d never do that, but that didn’t stop her fantasizing about what it would be like to just lose herself into a dark, dark place, away from the hospital, where she’d be free to just release a plethora of emotion, and perhaps even let a few tears flow. But she wasn’t sure what that would look like, how it would feel…and she’d learnt a long time ago that showing weakness and emotion was never productive. She had to keep it together. For Lena’s sake and for her own.

      ‘How are you, sis?’ she said. She often spoke to Lena when no one was around. She wasn’t quite sure why, but she figured if Nurse Gratten was right about the research then Lena could perhaps hear and if she could…well, she might want to hear her sister Cara’s voice.

      Cara racked her brain and wondered what she should talk about. She’d long since run out of ‘niceties’ days ago–and she now longed to tell Lena all about her worries and her fears. But if she did that then she’d be waiting for Lena to solve everything–something she’d always done in the past. Petty things like small rows with Ade, bar stuff, or that ‘crisis’ she’d had when she’d forgotten her car keys and Lena had had to leave work to drop the spare set off at the bar. At the time, such issues seemed like the most important thing in the world and now…they were nothing.

      She sighed deeply, recalling the day she’d just picked up her new souped-up coffee-coloured Mini from Kentish Town, complete with black leather seats, alloy wheels and built-in sat nav. It had to be one of the last times she’d seen Lena. Cara had picked her up for a trip to Tesco’s but her main motivation had been to show the car off to her sister. Yet predictably, Lena wasn’t that impressed (commenting on how the twenty grand she’d paid for it could have fed a million people, or something). Lena was going on about some bloke she’d met on the bus into work, talking about the possibility of changing her route because of him. Yet, Cara couldn’t recall if the man was harassing her or what. She just couldn’t remember much about that time, more concerned with bragging about her new car and latest pair of killer heels. Things that just didn’t matter now. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to remember in more detail what they had spoken about that day. The man. What Lena had wanted to eat that night–anything that could make her feel more connected to Lena; because, at that moment, she’d never felt more alone.

      She wracked her brain, but all she could recall was Lena buying a birthday card and then guiltily she heard her own voice, complaining about the bar, talking about herself and not listening at all to Lena.

      Surely it hadn’t been that way?

      Cara squeezed her sister’s hand. Typical Lena Curtis, always thinking of others. Every time someone’s birthday came around (and they seemed to be on a continual loop), or a kid popped into the world, Lena was always the first with a card, a gift, and a kind word. She never forgot anything or anyone. She seemed to live by her lists. Always planning stuff and scribbling away in her beloved notebook. On numerous occasions, Cara had pointed out the existence of a diary and memo function on her phone, but no, Lena insisted on writing things down. She hated to forget anything.

      Bet this wasn’t on the list, big sis, thought Cara sadly as she gazed towards Lena. Her Corkscrew high-lighted curls were still radiant in the light. Once as a teenager, Lena had dyed bits of her hair blue. Her cheeky sense of fun was totally at odds with her sensible self. Yes, Lena was the sensible one, whilst Cara took risks. Millie however…well Millie was just Millie.

      Ade returned with the coffee. ‘I just got a call back from that hotel in Brazil.’

      ‘Oh right,’ she replied with a yawn.

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