Pedigree Mum. Fiona Gibson

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      Now Mia and Freddie are both looming over her as she scowls at an image of Lamb Koftas – ‘poos on sticks’, Freddie announces delightedly – on her laptop. With the best will in the world, these cannot be knocked together in the thirteen minutes before they must leave for school. Kerry flicks through other options: rice-stuffed pigeon. Yoghurt pudding with fried onions and a puddle of chicken broth. Honey and cinnamon pie …

      ‘You could take a jar of honey,’ she announces. ‘I read that someone discovered some from Ancient Egyptian times and it was still fine to eat …’

      Mia shudders. ‘No, ew, it’d be dirty.’

      ‘No, ours wasn’t dug up. It’s from the Co-op. But it’ll still taste just like the kind they used to have—’

      Mia shakes her head. ‘Don’t wanna take honey.’

      ‘What about fruit then? They must’ve had fruit …’ But when she Googles ‘Egyptian fruit’, all that pops up are Egyptian fruit bats for sale, £250 for a breeding pair.