The Book of You. Claire Kendal

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      I move my head slowly from side to side. ‘Don’t you see that that’s not normal?’

      ‘No. No, I don’t. It shows how much you mean to me.’

      You hold your arms out, as if expecting for me to fall into them, and I step back. How can you imagine that I’d want that? ‘Did you like the ring, Clarissa?’

      ‘No.’

      ‘You’ve kept it, though. So you must like it.’

      ‘Don’t send me any more things. I want you to stay away from me.’ As I start to walk away you grab my arm. I jerk it free. ‘Don’t touch me. You make me sick. The things you do make me sick.’

      ‘You can’t just sleep with me and then change your mind. You can’t make me feel what you have and then ignore me.’

      A phrase from one of the leaflets stabs at me.

       One third of all stalkers have been intimate with their victim.

      ‘It was only one night. It meant nothing to me. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and I wouldn’t have made it if I hadn’t been drunk. Or worse. Was there something worse?’ For once you don’t have anything to say. ‘Why can’t I remember any of it?’ And still nothing. ‘Why were there marks on me?’ For once I have more to say than you do. ‘Why was I so sick, afterwards?’

      At last you speak, though I wish for your silence again as soon as the words are out of your mouth. ‘You were crazy with passion for me, Clarissa. You were out of control, the way you responded, the things you begged me to do to you.’

      ‘I was unconscious.’ I clutch my bag, trying to stop my hands from trembling. The coffee I drank during lunch is halfway up my throat. I swallow it back down. ‘Did you put something in my wine?’

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