The New Beginnings Coffee Club: The feel-good, heartwarming read from bestselling author Samantha Tonge. Samantha Tonge

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СКАЧАТЬ are the only thing keeping Elite Eleganz afloat at the moment,’ he muttered and broke eye contact.

      ‘Liar! For Christ’s sake, Zak. Just be honest. You can’t bear to ask her, can you? Can’t bear to upset your sweet little bit-on-the-side …’ Love really did make people blind. ‘Is that really it? We’re over?’ I said, hating myself for those words.

      But I had to persist, even at this last stage. How could he just toss ten years down the drain? And – an uncomfortable sensation shifted inside my chest – I was afraid. Afraid of leaving behind those cosy memories and striking out on my own. I admit it. Things weren’t perfect, but maybe our relationship would improve? People got back together after worse things, right? Only last week I read in the paper how a man in the States murdered his in-laws for money and his wife still visited him on Death Row.

      I swallowed, trying to ignore the voice in my head that said cowardice was never the best option; that I had to accept my situation and let go.

      ‘You and me, we’re done? You aren’t even going to put up a fight?’ I said, in an oh-so-small voice.

      ‘Oh, Jenny.’ Dark circles were etched under his eyes. ‘April will always link us together.’

      Once more, anger inflated my chest. What if our split screwed up our daughter? You read about it in the papers. Being fussy about food might just be the start of a whole gamut of problems. Maybe we could work things out, make do, until she was just a bit older?

      I swallowed – swallowed my pride, fingers curling at the words I was about to emit.

      ‘I’ll say it again – what about counselling? Let’s try and get past this – be a family again. We could, I don’t know, move away from the village. Start afresh.’

      He met my gaze and my spirits rose. Was he going to say yes? My shoulders relaxed at the glimmer of hope that this was all a horrible mistake and we could get our lives back on track. Deep down Zak loved me. I wouldn’t work in a coffee shop. April and I would continue to enjoy a luxury life. My comfort zone would be reinstalled. He reached across the gap between the chairs and his strong fingers curled around mine. My hand betrayed my broken heart as, despite my anger, I automatically squeezed his fingers back.

      His kiss-me stare used to melt my insides, along with the strong mouth that reminded me of the first time our lips had met. I was interviewing him for my college’s student magazine. Over the weeks of my placement at Elite Eleganz, we’d become closer. When he supervised my work, he stood nearer, his body close to mine, a hand occasionally brushing my back. We laughed. Shared a few secrets. I told him about my teenage crush on Piers Morgan. He revealed an old school admiration of Doris Day music. I’d asked him the final question for my interview: what fascinated him most about fashion? His answer? How he loved making women feel good about themselves, as he truly believed you had to love Number One first before being ready to love another.

      Then he’d stood up, come around to my side of the desk, and sat down on the chair next to me. Gingerly, I’d stretched out my hand and run my fingers though his chestnut hair. He’d leant forward and I’d closed my eyes in anticipation. His mouth met mine and he tenderly kissed me back. In an easy fashion, he had slipped his arms around my back and he pulled me onto his lap. I had wrapped my legs around his waist and I’d pushed my body against his, weeks of attraction willing him to satisfy my desires.

      I shook myself as Zak spoke in a stiff voice.

      ‘I’m sorry, Jenny, but no. Counselling? I see no point. Remember, at your insistence, I tried it after Mum’s death.’ He gave an ugly laugh. ‘It didn’t bring her back. It didn’t change a thing.’

      ‘You only lasted for one session.’

      ‘And that was enough.’ He sighed. ‘But I promise, April will be all right. She won’t be the only one of her friends to have divorced parents.’

      I pulled away my hand. ‘And that makes it okay?’

      His jaw clenched. ‘Of course not, but –’

      I threw my hands in the air and got to my feet. ‘Zak. Come on. We can’t just throw away ten years of marriage,’ I finally shouted, tears running down my face.

      He stood up too and folded his arms. ‘For God’s sake calm down, April might hear.’

      ‘Ha! And we can’t have that now, can we?’ I wiped my eyes with my arm. ‘Oh no. Far better to pretend that her father isn’t the two-timing philanderer I’ve recently come to know.’ My voice shook. ‘What’s happened to you, Zak? Where’s the man I married? The man I admired?’ I stretched out my arms. ‘Zak! You were my world!’

      He gazed at the floor. ‘Jenny – I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but like I’ve said … the marriage wasn’t something I’d planned.’ He looked up. ‘We’ve grown apart. You must have felt it, too. Please. Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.’

      ‘Me make things difficult? I love how you’ve turned this around.’ I bit the insides of my cheeks. Never again would I give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. ‘We were happy, Zak,’ I said and my voice wavered. ‘Couldn’t keep our hands off each other in the beginning. Isn’t that spark still there? How can you be so robotic? Isn’t there an ounce of emotion in you for your wife of ten years?’

      He stared at the floor again, where shortly afterwards my self-esteem joined his gaze.

      ‘When was the last time we talked?’ he said. ‘Really properly talked? Like we used to, at the beginning, sitting up till the small hours, arguing over stuff like who was the best UK fashion designer? The last few years, I don’t know, it’s felt like we’ve just been going through the motions.’

      My breath caught in my throat because he’d voiced what I’d recently wondered, but hadn’t liked to admit. I slumped back into my chair. Zak sat down in his. ‘But … I mean … We never really … I always thought the chemistry was enough?’ I whispered, pulse thumping loudly in my ears.

      Zak raised one eyebrow. ‘In your heart do you honestly think that?’

      I stared at him.

       Yes. No. I don’t know.

      This was all new to me – questioning our relationship. ‘You really do like Chanelle, don’t you?’ I said, quietly. ‘It’s not just a physical thing.’

      He nodded.

      ‘Maybe you’re right. I’ve thought about this too.’ And not just a bit, but night after night since he revealed his affair. ‘Especially at the beginning, life was busy; evenings we both just chilled in front of the telly, you exhausted after work, me relaxing from a day of nappies and feeds. But that’s normal, right? And April’s getting older now. Surely we can take more time for us and put things right?’

      ‘I’m sorry, Jenny. I just don’t think we’ve that much in common any more.’

      ‘We’ve got a daughter,’ I snapped. ‘All couples grow apart when bringing up kids. But we’ve got retirement ahead of us and –’

      ‘I’m not writing off my life until then!’

      My stomach caved in as if he’d punched me square in the navel. ‘I’m sorry that’s how you’d see staying СКАЧАТЬ