The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom. Christopher Healy

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      Gustav popped up out of the bush. “Put Cinderella down, old lady!”

      Frederic leapt up onto Gustav’s back and yanked him back down into the shrubbery.

      “See?” Reese said, feeling vindicated. “Should I smash them?”

      “Never mind those buffoons, Reese,” Zaubera said as her thin, colorless lips curled into a smile. “Did you hear what they just called our prisoner here?” The witch grabbed a handful of Ella’s hair and looked her in the eyes. “Well, look at this,” Zaubera chuckled. “Forget the singing ransom-grams, Reese. I’ve got a genuine celebrity for a hostage. Cinderella. This is going to require a much more spectacular announcement. Ooh, this is going to be fun.”

      Ella glared back at her, unwilling to show the witch any fear.

      “But what if the heroes follow us, ma’am?” Reese asked.

      “Hero, singular,” Zaubera replied. “One of them is a complete coward. And yes, the hero will follow us. That’s what heroes do. We’ll just be ready for him. When we catch him and his sidekick, you can grind their bones into bread. Now come.”

      “Yes, ma’am,” the giant intoned in his booming voice. “But bread made from bones sounds awful, you know.”

      “I didn’t hire you to be a meal planner, Reese,” grated the witch. “Start walking.”

      “All right,” the giant rumbled. “Have you ever tried it? Bone bread, I mean. I can’t imagine it tastes good. And you’d still need flour, no?”

      “Shut up, Reese.”

      “My foot hurts.”

      “Try wearing shoes, imbecile.”

      After a couple of minutes, their voices and Reese’s thundering footsteps could no longer be heard. The princes crawled from under the gorse bush. Out of habit, Frederic tried to dust off his soiled and torn suit but quickly realized it was a lost cause.

      “Okay, let’s go,” Gustav said.

      “Go where?” Frederic asked.

      “You want your woman back, right?” Gustav said. “We’re following them.”

      “No,” said Frederic. “We’re not. I am not going anywhere with you. You nearly got Ella killed. You would have died yourself, if I hadn’t done something.”

      “You yodeled,” Gustav snarled with contempt.

      “At least I did something,” Frederic returned. “How could you not have noticed those horribly callused toes looming above you?”

      Gustav brought his face very near Frederic’s, close enough for Frederic to feel his breath. “Are you telling me I’m not a good enough hero for you?”

      Frederic tried very hard not to blink.

      “Are you saying that I can’t do this?” Gustav hissed. “That I can’t rescue someone? That you—Mr. Silky White Pants and Fancy Golden Dingle-Dangles—are better than me?” His forehead touched Frederic’s.

      “No,” Frederic muttered. He was only slightly less afraid of Gustav than he was of the giant. “I’m not saying that at all. Of course I need your help.”

      Gustav inched back.

      “You did find Ella, after all,” Frederic went on. “I’m sorry I underestimated you there. But this isn’t just about finding a missing person anymore; this is a rescue mission. And a dangerous one, considering there’s a witch and a giant involved. So maybe the two of us aren’t enough. Maybe we could use a little extra help. Another set of hands, maybe. That’s all.”

      Gustav thought about this for a moment. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have another swordsman at my side,” he said.

      “Someone with a little more experience in rescuing people from witches and monsters, perhaps?” Frederic offered.

      “Ha!” Gustav laughed. “Who are you going to get? That guy from ‘Sleeping Beauty’?”

      Liam never doubted that he was a hero. If anything, he was a little too sure of it. You can’t really blame him, though; people had been treating him like a demigod ever since he was a young child. The adulation began shortly after the birth of Princess Briar Rose, the daughter of the king and queen of Avondell. In a rare instance of international communication, they announced that they were looking for a suitable prince to whom she could be engaged. When the princess came of age, she would marry this prince, forever joining her kingdom with his.

      As it so happened, the kingdom of Avondell sat upon a seemingly endless chain of gold mines. Whichever nation managed to hook up with Avondell would become super rich. Gareth, the king of Erinthia, which sat just across the border (and therefore just out of reach of Avondell’s gold), wanted in on that. The treasure-hungry King Gareth suggested his then three-year-old son, Liam, as a worthy future husband for Princess Briar. Unfortunately, lots of other countries were itching for a shot at Avondell’s gold as well, and the competition for Briar Rose’s tiny hand was fierce. Little princes from around the world lined up to present themselves before the royal couple of Avondell—and each seemed to have a special skill. There was a tap-dancing toddler from Valerium and a baby from Svenlandia whose СКАЧАТЬ