Hong Kong Belongers. Simon Barnes

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СКАЧАТЬ led them to a table in the corner, by the floor-to-ceiling window from which they could see the harbour, Kowloon, the hills of the Nine Dragons beyond the buildings. Alan could see at least one thousand boats; a jet attempted to defy gravity jinking its way through the far buildings to touch down at Kai Tak. ‘I think in view of the occasion, I’ll have a Singapore Sling,’ André said. ‘I seriously advise you to do the same.’

      Alan was quite definitely beginning to panic. Even a beer would be beyond his funds. This was hideous. He would have to run.

      ‘On me, my dear. On me. I’m celebrating, you see.’

      ‘Well. Thanks.’

      André turned again to Lilac and gave the order, with a glittering exchange of smiles. He caught Alan looking, with rather provincial fascination, at the lower half of Lilac’s costume. ‘Did you know that the tailoring of a cheongsam is so complicated that they take a measurement from nipple to nipple?’

      Alan was fractionally recovering his nerve. ‘I feel happier for knowing that,’ he said.

      Lilac brought the drinks. She had to take extremely small steps in order not to fall over. Every stride threatened to expose the entire length of her, from sculpted ankle to journey’s end, and every dozen or so strides this actually happened, but for no more than a nanosecond: it took all Alan’s concentration to catch the moment as it flew. The drinks she brought were longish and pinkish, and tasted as if the barman had started at one end of the bar and worked his away along, pouring as he went.

      ‘Good,’ said André. ‘They look after one, don’t they?’

      Alan looked down at the puny craft crisscrossing the harbour. ‘It’s rather like being taken to the high place by the devil and shown all the kingdoms of the world,’ he said. ‘By the way, André, what are we celebrating?’

      ‘Oh, I am going to do a spot of selling for Dean. Wants me to sell some advertising space to airlines, hotels and stuff for Business PanAsia, round up some specialist stuff for Cargo News and Asian Shipping. But he’s planning a Singapore special issue for the autumn, and I’m to try and get a few ads for that. The fact of the matter is that Dean is sending me to Singapore for a fortnight, and putting me up at the Great Orient, nice pub, and it’s all the most frightfully good news because I don’t expect it will take more than a week to get Dean’s stuff sorted out, and earn my commission. I’ve got some awfully good contacts there. So for the rest of the time – well, you know me, Alan. I can always find things to do.’

      André started to expound on Singapore, and how it differed from Hong Kong and from KL and various other Asian cities. This became a dissertation on Southeast Asia.

      Lilac brought more drinks in response to André’s languid summons. ‘Might pop over the causeway while I’m there. I know a rather nice girl in Johor Baharu. Might be time to get as far north as KL. Met some interesting people there, nothing came of it, but they said to look them up next time. But you see the principle, don’t you, Alan? Dean gives me a free flight and base, and, as it were, a guaranteed minimum for the trip. But my real profit won’t come from selling advertising space.’

      ‘Where then?’ Alan, feeling the ambush of the Singapore Sling, was moved to forthrightness.

      ‘I specialise, my dear, in omnifariousness. Chap in Denpasar once told me that. One more? And then perhaps some dinner? In the hotel? On me?’

      They dined, then, in some splendour. Alan wore a tie for the occasion, for André produced a spare one from his attaché case. He retired to the gents to put it on: a Chinese ancient watched the knotting process with great concentration, as if he were to be asked questions about it afterwards. Alan joined André, who was already at the table and by now utterly magnificent.

      ‘Fish, yes, they do it rather well here. We are, as you note, not too far from the sea.’ He ordered sole véronique with a polished French accent and sent back the white wine as imperfectly chilled. Alan wondered rather incoherently if the ordering of the fish was to make possible the ordering of the white and its subsequent rejection.

      ‘Well, it’s in the blood, you see, as you can no doubt tell from the name, bloody silly name to have in Hong Kong, or anywhere else in Asia for that matter. I have to spell it exactly one hundred times per day. Girls can never say it in bed. I don’t think I have ever made love to a girl who called me by my name. I am always On-jay, or worse, On-lay.’

      ‘Karen calls you André. I’ve heard her.’

      ‘She does, bless her. It’s her chief attraction, really.’

      André insisted on Armagnac with the coffee. ‘Did you ever meet Pearl? Nice girl, works in a travel agency. I rather think she was before your time. She used to come out and see me on Tung Lung now and then. There was something of a kerfuffle when Karen paid me a surprise visit.’ He started laughing a little. ‘On a clear day you can still hear the echo. Sophie’s a nice kid, isn’t she?’

      ‘Who? Oh, the receptionist at Business PanAsia. God yes, gorgeous.’

      ‘I quite agree. An ex of mine, as you may have guessed.’

      ‘Lucky fellow.’

      André put his head to one side and regarded Alan kindly. ‘We really must get you fixed up with a nice Chinese girl. You won’t want to look at a Western woman after a bit.’ He called for the bill and settled it with a lordly flourish of the credit card. The Sikh doorman showed them into a taxi and received five dollars for doing so. André gave the driver hectoring instructions in Cantonese.

      ‘Oh God, is that the time?’

      ‘Certainly. Be calm. Allow nothing to trouble your mind. The ten thirty ferry is never less than ten minutes late.’ The taxi pulled up outside a small shop in Lockhart Road; André left the car. He returned a moment or so later carrying, inevitably, a pink carrier bag filled with beer.

      ‘Oh Jesus, we’ll have to spend the night in town.’

      ‘Not a bit of it. You worry too much. Fai-dee, fai-dee, aaa!’ This last to the driver, who fai-deed as best he could. They reached the ferry pier after a sick-making slalom along Con-naught Road. André negligently dropped a ten-dollar bill for the six-dollar ride, and strolled towards the ferry. Alan, heaving his bag to his shoulder and rescuing a sheaf of papers with a mad grab, scuttled after him. The gangplank was raised the instant they stepped on board the ferry. The time was ten forty-two.

      ‘See what I mean?’

      ‘Oh God.’

      ‘Have a beer.’

      ‘André, you are an appalling person.’ By this stage, Alan had begun to giggle foolishly. ‘I can’t begin to keep up with you. Not the beer. I mean, the chances you take.’

      . ‘I take no chances, my dear. I take the trouble to learn the odds. There is a difference, you know.’ They reached their seat at the back of the ferry as the boat pulled away from the pier. They sat; opened their cans in unison.

      ‘Perhaps so. But I couldn’t do it.’

      ‘That, my dear, is why you are a journalist and I am a merchant venturer.’ They both laughed a good deal at this, but then André was suddenly and rather dramatically transfixed by seriousness. ‘Listen, Alan. Last year, I was down the tube for about thirty grand. СКАЧАТЬ