Please, Daddy, No: A Boy Betrayed. Stuart Howarth
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Название: Please, Daddy, No: A Boy Betrayed
Автор: Stuart Howarth
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Секс и семейная психология
isbn: 9780007279975
isbn:
Sometimes he would push me into the pig slurry, half pretending he was joking, half punishing me for all my mistakes. It was impossible to remove the smell from my skin once we got home; it became ingrained into me. As well as using the dirty magazines he kept up there, he would also drop his trousers and have sex with the pigs, unbothered whether I saw him. Many years later I discovered he’d let Christina see him as well.
He would force me to do things like kill a chicken, even though my hands were hardly big enough to grip their necks. I so much wanted to please him by doing the jobs he told me to do, but some of them were too frightening.
‘I don’t want to, Daddy. Please don’t make me.’
‘Fucking hold it! Put it under your arm, go on, under your arm. Now twist its head, on the neck. Fucking kill it!’
The first time I became hysterical as the giant bird flapped and pecked in my arms. ‘You soft cunt,’ he said, taking the bird from me, wringing its neck with one easy movement and then punching me to the ground before walking away.
Once he’d killed them he would take them round the pubs to sell them, or down to the market, sometimes taking me with him. To the outside world he showed such a different face to the one we all saw at home. To everyone else he was always laughing and joking, always working, a good husband, father and provider. From his family’s point of view he was a good man who had taken on a down-at-heel young Irishwoman and her three kids, one of whom was disabled, taking them from the worst council estate in the area to a private house. No one on the outside ever saw the way he treated us in that private house, or in that fortified pen.
‘I could snuff you out like that,’ he would sneer, snapping his fingers to show how easily he could dispense with such a worthless piece of rubbish as me.
The Jack Russells were often having litters of puppies, which he would sell around the pubs, but one day he decided on a different course. Christina and I had been playing with them when he came in with a black blanket and threw them into it.
‘Come on, Stuart, we’re going.’
We went out to the Austin Maxi he drove then and he tossed the blanket containing the puppies on to the floor in front of me. They were squealing for their mother.
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