Editing Emma: Online you can choose who you want to be. If only real life were so easy.... Chloe Seager

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СКАЧАТЬ Leon Naylor is in a relationship with Anna McDonnell.

       Leon Naylor is in a relationship with Anna McDonnell.

       Leon Naylor is in a relationship with Anna McDonnell.

       Leon Naylor is in a relationship with Anna McDonnell.

       posted by MissH 21.05

      It almost feels better, now that I know for certain. (Almost. But not quite.) He really has been ignoring me. As if all the other evidence wasn’t enough:

       He started to ‘miss’ my calls, and didn’t call me back.

      Even when I got Steph to phone him from her mum’s number, and he answered, I convinced myself it was probably a coincidence. Maybe the twenty or so times I called him, he really had been in the shower.

       He stopped replying to my texts.

      I was so sure they’d been accidentally swallowed into an abyss by O2. (Who I did ring, frantically, several times.)

       He detagged ALL pictures of us.

      I still can’t believe I was kidding myself about that one. I thought maybe it was a weird error, or his friends did it as a joke. But really, it seems like quite an extreme length to go to, to break up with someone… Surely just telling them is easier?

       posted by MissH 23.37

       The Forgotten Photos

      Can’t sleep so I made a list of my favourite pictures of us, that he so coldly detagged. Because we did have a relationship, it did exist and I am not hallucinating. I am not hallucinating.

4)	Us doing our best smize. (November.) We put it up for people to vote on and I won, 82 per cent. It was raining A LOT and my eye make-up was running down my face in a way which Leon said was ‘haunting’ and gave me an unfair advantage. He demanded a rematch.
3)	Us lying on the school field. (March.) Our faces are red and puffy because a football had just hit me in the face (thanks Steph). After laughing for about a zillion years, Leon stood in front of the goal and let a football whack him in the face, too.
2)	Us in Gracie’s garden the night he asked me to ‘go out’ with him. (June.) Gracie did a barbecue (or her parents did after she caused a smog). The sun was going down and we were lazing in the back garden, choking from leftover fumes and laughing. I can’t remember ever feeling so happy. (Apart from maybe when I won that magazine competition for designing my own red carpet outfit. They made the dress and sent it to me, and put a picture of me on the back page. It’s pretty sad that these are the best moments I can pick out in my life – in one I was eleven, and one has been completely ruined.)
1)	Us at the end of term, before summer break. (July.) We are TOGETHER in this one. (I am not hallucinating.) We have been together for two weeks. We are lurking outside the Sixth Form Centre, peering in the windows and scoping it out for next year. I remember being excited by the new beanbag chairs, and Leon saying, ‘Good luck getting out of those when I sit on you.’ We laughed. I threatened to protect myself from suffocation by stabbing him with a snooker cue. We kissed. And now I’m in this place, and I’m not sure how I got here.

Wednesday, 3 September i.e. Day 46 of Despair

       posted by MissH 11.30

      Sitting in the living room, steaming my stye with a bowl of boiling water. My hair has not been brushed for three days or washed for six, unless you count dry shampoo. There is a dark stain on my pyjamas from where I was too eager with a tub of chocolate mousse. According to all the TV shows that ever cast glamorous twenty-five-year-old women to represent me, this is NOT how my teenage life is supposed to look.

      It also seems a little unfair that I get dumped, and grow a big, red, painful lump on my eye from the stress of it. Still, maybe it’s an important life lesson to learn. Give someone your undying love, they give you a stye.

       posted by MissH 11.32

      Not even dumped. Avoided. I had to work out for myself that I was dumped.

       posted by MissH 13.03

      I can’t seem to get off Anna’s profile. There are lots of pictures of her doing sports (I think she is the Hockey Captain). Should I have paid more attention in Games instead of using the time to chase Gracie around with my stick? And she has… wait for it… a baking blog. It’s called, I kid you not: Scrumptiously, Anna. There are lots of videos of her whisking cake mixture whilst looking, quite seriously, into the camera. Should I have paid more attention in FT?

      I want to say she’s not, but she’s indisputably pretty. I have named her Apple in my head to make her less threatening.

       posted by MissH 17.48

      Still, she might be pretty, but there’s something really bland about people who always have the same expression in photos. Boring face. Boring face. Boring face. Boring face. I mean, yes, we all have our standard poses (I am a fan of the tongue-poke), but seriously… PHOTO after PHOTO of that insipid smile. She may as well just have one photo. The only way you can tell it’s even a different night is because she’s changed her cardigan.

       posted by MissH 18.56

       APPLE AND EMMA: THE PRO/CON LIST

       NB: evidence gathered only from photos (not totally solid) and self-reflection (notoriously difficult)

       APPLE

      CONS: She can’t quite smile properly. This may or may not mean something very significant about her personality.

      PROS: She’s all nice and pretty and wins sports tournaments and things for the school. She has a baking blog and makes cakes for her friends.

       EMMA

      CONS: I have been told my smile is ‘demonic’. I can’t do ANY form of sports (though I have been told watching me fall over provided ‘light comic relief’ on Sports Day. Should this go in the Con or Pro list?).

      PROS: I’m not not nice. I’m not not pretty, when I bother to brush my hair. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of rubbish TV shows. I have a blog, too, though it’s mainly dedicated to self-pity, and it never results in cake.

      Looking at it this way, I think I know who I’d choose, too.

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