The Swallow's Nest. Emilie Richards

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СКАЧАТЬ catch. For all the laid-back, not-the-way-we-do-things-in-Hawaii attitudes that Lilia laid claim to, Ellen still wondered if the girl had known Graham would be at that party and traveled all the way from San Jose to reacquaint herself with the man who could make her life so much easier.

      Of course it certainly hadn’t turned out that way.

      Ellen had delayed long enough. She tucked her handbag under her arm, got out and locked the car before she started up the street, then the walkway. She’d considered bringing gifts, but that had seemed hopelessly positive. She wasn’t sure if she was here to celebrate or commiserate. Graham had survived cancer and now had an illegitimate son to deal with. Celebration would have to wait for more details.

      At the front door she rang the doorbell and heard music. Not chimes, but snatches of a song. She shook her head and waited, trying again when nobody answered the door. She was just beginning to plan where she would wait when it opened.

      Graham was so pale, so clearly exhausted, that for a moment she wasn’t sure this was her son.

      “Graham?” She stretched out a hand and touched his arm. “Are you all right?”

      He raked fingers through hair too short to need grooming. “What are you doing here?”

      “Word gets out. I heard about...” She shrugged. “I heard you have a son. I heard Lilia left you.”

      “And you swooped right in. Here to gloat?”

      “Of course not.”

      “Then why?”

      “To see if I can help, I guess.”

      He faked a laugh. “Cancer didn’t spur you on, but the baby did. I’ll have to think that one over.”

      Early in his life Graham had learned to be cool and polite, to combat his father’s sarcasm and criticism with aloof good manners. She had never heard him be so dismissive.

      “Nobody knows better than you do why I had to stay away,” she said.

      “Actually I don’t know. I figure you’re an adult, and unless I missed something, my father doesn’t chain you to a chair when he’s not around.”

      “I didn’t come here to fight or defend myself.”

      “So tell me again why you did come?”

      “I’d like to see my grandson. If it’s true that I have one.”

      “Oh, it’s true. But he’s actually sleeping. For once.”

      “You look like you’re going to fall over. Let’s go inside.”

      “Please, keep your voice down. He’s upstairs, but God knows what wakes him up and sets him off.”

      “You were a monster for your first few months.”

      “How nice he inherited that particular trait.” He stepped aside and swept his hand behind him to usher her in.

      The house was anything but tidy. Signs of a party were still in evidence. Crumbs on the floor, dishes on the dining room table, a congratulations sign hanging askew. Clearly Lilia wasn’t here. Ellen’s daughter-in-law loved order. Whether Ellen liked Lilia’s design ideas or not, the house was always picture perfect. Never fussy, but comfortable and welcoming. Anything that looked out of place was meant to be.

      She followed Graham through the house, through a kitchen piled with dirty dishes, and into the sunroom. She thought the room must have been an addition because she didn’t remember it from her last visit. It was small but flooded with light, and the tropical-style furniture, old-fashioned rattan with a glass table on a coral stand, probably made Lilia feel right at home. She picked up a floral cushion from the floor and placed it on the love seat before she sat.

      Graham dropped down to a chair in the corner and closed his eyes. He looked so beaten. She searched for something to say.

      “You cried for the first three months of your life. Even a professional baby nurse wasn’t sure what to do with you. And me? I felt so completely inept. It seemed like I should know the magic key, that you should have emerged with instructions. Everybody told me not to worry, that crying was normal, but I was sure it was my own fault. Something I’d eaten in pregnancy, a glass of wine I had before I realized you were on the way. Bad genes.”

      At that he opened his eyes. “Really? Bad genes? I thought the Randolphs and the Grahams were perfect in every way, that you and my father thought I was some sort of genetic mutation.”

      “Not even close to being perfect.”

      “There’s nothing you can do here to help. I have to deal with it. I brought this on myself.”

      “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

      “Why?”

      “Maybe there’s something I can do.”

      “Unless you can zoom back in time and keep me from acting on the worst impulse I’ve ever had, then no.”

      “You had an affair?”

      He gave a bitter laugh. “Nothing that interesting. A one-night stand. Right between what sounded like a death sentence and chemo.”

      “Oh, Graham...” She didn’t know what else to say.

      “Toby is the result. As you can imagine, Lilia is not happy about it.”

      “She’s gone?”

      “In Kapa’a with her family. I don’t know if she’ll be back for more than packing and shipping.”

      She wanted to be angry at Graham’s wife. He was still recovering, and Lilia had abandoned him to handle everything on his own. But how could Ellen fault her? For the past year her daughter-in-law had shouldered every possible burden, with no help from anyone except the long-distance support of her own family.

      “Did you really think you could keep the baby a secret from Lilia? Or were you waiting until you felt you could cope with the fallout?”

      “I don’t know, Mother. I was trying to stay alive. Half the time I was so sick I couldn’t remember where the bathroom was.”

      “And you were ashamed. You’re a good man. You would be.”

      “You have no idea what this kind of shame feels like.”

      She did, but it wasn’t helpful to admit that now. She was saved from trying, because a wail began somewhere in the distance. She put out her hand when Graham started to rise. “He’s upstairs?”

      “A friend gave me some kind of contraption for him to sleep in. He’s in our room.”

      “I’ll get him.”

      “Do you know what to do?”

      “Has it changed that much in thirty years?”

      “Did you know what to do then?”

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