The Loss of Leon Meed. Josh Emmons

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СКАЧАТЬ found himself staring at a man in his mid-fifties with curly chestnut hair graying at the sides, dressed in a brown open-collared cotton shirt, pleated wool slacks, and bubble-toed black boots. Lived-in clothes that looked tumble-dried and thrown on. Unconcerned clothes. The sort of ensemble you’d wear if you were taking a cross-country train trip and couldn’t bring any luggage. Barry hadn’t noticed him at the party before or seen him walk into his personal space and was frankly a little disturbed to be standing so close to him.

      “What is this?” the man said, arching his shoulders. “Where am I?”

      “Where are you?” said Barry.

      “Wait a minute. This is my old apartment.” The voice, a rock-rake gravelly sound, had panic stabbing through it. The man looked nervously at the trios and quartets of women—and Alvin—eating and making mouthful comments and nodding at the mention of others’ children and husbands and termagant mothers-in-law. He took in and held a big breath.

      Barry had heard of drug-addled bums—although drug-addled bums these days were usually younger than this fellow, some in their teens or even younger because the country’s safety net had so many tears in its mesh—wandering into any house with an unlocked front door and having freak-out breakdown sessions in front of horrified, suspended-animation families or single mothers or amorous couples. Too much PCP and THC and LSD—not enough TLC. The bums, having worked toward this moment ever since taking their first cigarette drag or saying bombs away with a bottle of Everclear or tying off with a rubber tourniquet and nearby syringe, were generally unarmed and harmless if you could contain them somehow. The trick was to get them into a small empty room; otherwise they’d accost the furniture or wrestle with the leaf blower while screaming obscenities until the authorities arrived to take them away.

      Barry’s first impulse, therefore, was to try to keep the man calm while signaling for someone to call the cops. “You’re at Rainie Chastain’s house, where we’re having a Longaberger party.”

      “Longaberger? Those woven baskets?”

      “That’s right.”

      “You’re saying this is a Longaberger party? I’m afraid—what’s your name?”

      “Barry.”

      “I’m afraid, Barry, that I’ve lost my mind.”

      Barry reached up to scratch his head and made a check swish in the air hoping that Rainie or someone would see it. No one did. “That’s possible. Is there a reason you think so?”

      “Yes,” said the man, nodding unhappily. “Yes, there is.”

      Barry looked down at the man’s left hand and saw a hand grenade. He knew in a terrible instant that they all were going to die, that this guy was a holdout from the Symbionese Liberation Army, that they were going to explode into a hard rain of body parts and wicker and building rubble, and in that split second Barry experienced superregret at never having admitted to himself what he was just because of social opprobrium and other stupid intangibles. Barry, Barry, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? He knew how it grew and had always been too cowardly to openly acknowledge it and celebrate the strange and wonderful and natural things that grew there. Oh, he had lived life with one arm tied behind his back, he thought as his initial panic ebbed and with a surreal helicopter seed comedown he realized that the round stubbly object in the drug-addled bum’s hand was not a grenade at all but a pinecone. He careened into awareness as the bum shook his head and walked heavily to the hallway leading to the front door.

      “Friend of yours?”

      Barry looked from the door to the person addressing him. Alvin. “No, I’ve never met him before.”

      “Rainie has the widest circle of acquaintances.”

      “Yeah.”

      They regarded the crowd around them and Alvin said, “Can you take a compliment?”

      Barry didn’t flicker with embarrassment when, after a moment of silence, he realized that he was staring hard at Alvin. Blood rushed to his groin and head at once and there seemed to be stability in this combination, a balance struck. He would neither rip Alvin’s clothes off nor pass out. He stood calmly, coolly, and what would follow would follow.

      Alvin said, “I really like your sweater.”

      “Thank you.”

      “Did you get it in Eureka?”

      “No, I found it in a catalogue from a very small company in Healdsburg that manufactures their clothes by hand. Feel how much integrity the weave has?” And then he was saying that he had other sweaters like it, and perhaps Alvin wanted to see them—and Alvin did—whereupon the two of them gathered their things. As they filed out of the apartment Barry scanned the crowd and Rainie winked so subtly at him that maybe she didn’t know. Maybe nobody would insert sex into his and Alvin’s departure. And yet—what would it matter if they did? Would he make room in his head for their suspicions when at last he was full of certainty?

      The next morning Joon-sup Kim called his friend Hyun-bae for their once-a-month California comparison, a Eureka versus San Diego debate. They had immigrated together to the Golden State from Pusan, South Korea, six years earlier when they were seventeen. Joon-sup, nicknamed Jack by his coworkers at the Better Bagel and only slightly shorter than the average American, with matted hair that hung like coils of moss down his back, lived in a Eureka tenement building occupied primarily by Laotians and Salvadorans who seemed all to have taken a vow of silence. He would step onto the lanai outside his second-story apartment and wave down at a freakishly over-groomed Latino family sitting in the courtyard around a murky half-drained swimming pool, eating papusas, Sunday best on a Tuesday afternoon. Not receiving a wave back, he’d follow up with a hale “Nice day for a picnic, know what I’m saying?” though it might be fifty-two degrees and overcast. One by one—man woman teenage boy little girl—they’d look up at him, never all together, and say nothing before pulling out more papusas from their Longaberger. “Weirdos,” Joon-sup would mutter under his breath and then go back inside his dungeony bachelor pad.

      He’d originally moved with Hyun-bae to southern California and then gone north after a vacation had convinced him that Eureka was where he was meant to be. There were trees and a temperate climate and the ease of mobility that only smaller cities offer. The smog was bearable. The people friendly. Plus, Joon-sup was something of a chef and would-be small businessman and had happily noted Eureka’s dearth of Korean restaurants. Which, he discovered upon arriving there and getting a job as an assistant bagel maker and learning more about the area’s cultural and ethnic components, was because there was a dearth of Koreans. Laotians, Vietnamese, and Cambodians, sure, plenty, enough not to render the phrase “northern California Asian population” completely nonsensical, but there was almost no one from his home country.

      Hyun-bae liked to lord this over him—that Joon-sup was an island in a sea of round-eyes and boat people—but Joon-sup liked being unique, even if most whites eventually got around to asking him what he thought of Ho Chi Minh and My Lai, and he felt that this was a place where he would become American quicker than if there were a Korean community to fall back on. Here he had no choice but to go to all-night reggae jams and to bonfire parties at Moonstone Beach with the local university kids high on Native American herbs and the urgency of their environmental science major. Here he threw away the preppy stiff-collared shirts he’d bought in San Diego and adopted the local garb: alpaca tube hat, cotton-hemp hybrid long-sleeved pullovers, draw-string calico pants with neo-bell-bottom stylability, hefty mountain-climbing boots with graphite support СКАЧАТЬ