The Happiness Recipe. Stella Newman

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СКАЧАТЬ you please get stuck, please? I’ve been trapped in these buggers at least once a year for six years, and never, ever with anyone remotely attractive.

      ‘Susie with an ie,’ I say.

      ‘I once went out with a Suziii who spelt her name with three Is. She used to put little flowers instead of dots on them. It was never going to work out,’ he says.

      Aha! Proof that he’s straight too. Excellent. ‘So is it Jeff with a J or a G?’ I say.

      ‘J, like Jeff Bridges, though obviously he’s got a bit more hair than me. Have you seen The Big Lebowski?’

      ‘Like ten times,’ I say. ‘I think The Dude is based on this guy Sam who I work with …’

      Jeff laughs a low, deep chuckle. ‘And there’s me thinking The Dude was based on me.’ he says. ‘Did you see that film the Coen brothers did a few years back, the Western?’

      ‘No Country For Old Men?’ I actually thought it was a touch over-rated but it looks like Jeff loves it, so I don’t want to say I didn’t like it …

      ‘No,’ he says. ‘I thought it was over-rated. I meant True Grit, also with Jeff Bridges.’

      ‘Oh I loved True Grit, with the young girl with the plaits. So great!’

      OK, enough of this time-wasting. I need to find out if he has a girlfriend. We’re now entering the canteen. Tom’ll be at his desk already, I haven’t got much time. I’d better ask some smart, open questions.

      ‘Do you go to the cinema much?’ I say. See if he replies with a ‘we’ …

      ‘Not as much as I’d like,’ he says. ‘You?’

      ‘Same. I don’t seem to have much time, you know, day job, and then I’m quite busy. With my friends …’

      ‘Yeah, I know what you mean. Work seems to take up far more energy than it used to when I was in service.’

      ‘The army?’ I say, looking at his chest. He’s so broad-shouldered, I could totally see him running through a muddy field in camouflage, carrying an injured colleague on his back to the medi-tent …

      ‘The army? God no. Why would you think I was a soldier?’

      Because I’m totally carried away in some insane fantasy based on your fit body?

      ‘Me?’ he says. ‘I’m a total wimp. No, I meant service, as in restaurants. I used to run my own pub up in Suffolk. Local, seasonal food, nothing fancy. So, what coffee would you like, young lady? You’re not into this soy chai malarkey too, are you?’

      ‘Black coffee, thanks.’

      ‘Good, a proper drink. And any cake or a flapjack?’ he says, eyeing up the selection of goodies on the counter.

      In all the years I’ve worked on Fletchers, neither Devron nor Tom has once offered me a piece of cake. I think I love Jeff. Or maybe I just don’t love Devron and Tom. Or maybe I just love cake.

      ‘That chocolate sponge looks delicious,’ I say. ‘But I can’t be eating cake for breakfast, it sets a bad precedent, don’t you think?’

      ‘Nonsense. A girl like you should totally have cake for breakfast! Besides, it looks like a giant Suzy Q.’

      ‘A what?’

      ‘A Suzy Q! Your name’s Susie and you’ve never heard of a Suzy Q?’ I shake my head. ‘Little American cakes, cream in the middle? Mos Def name-checks them? Go on, get the Suzy Q. You have to, it’s practically named after you. It’s your namesake. Your namecake.’

      I let out a pathetically girly little giggle.

      ‘Go on, it’d be rude not to,’ he says.

      ‘Really?’

      ‘Tell you what, if I share it with you does that make you feel any less naughty?’

      DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? I sincerely hope not, because this conversation amounts to more foreplay than I’ve had in a year.

      ‘Deal,’ I say, grinning, and then rapidly not grinning as I see Tom waving to us from across the canteen. ‘Tom’s just walked in.’ I feel like we’ve been caught mid-snog.

      ‘He’s here already?’ he says. ‘Oh. Right, well I guess we’d better get back to work …’

      The man behind the counter comes over to us and gives Jeff a broad smile and a high five. ‘Hey amigo, qué pasa? What can I get you guys to drink?’

      ‘Hey Miguel, how’s it going? Me pones dos cafes solos y un “soy chai” por favor?’ he says, rolling his eyes as the man laughs. ‘Miguel’s teaching me Spanish, and I’m teaching him knife skills. That’s a good deal, isn’t it?’ he says to me.

      ‘Knife skills! Did you learn those in combat too?’ I say.

      ‘Those training kitchens at the Little Chef can be deadly!’ he says.

      ‘I’m terrible at chopping,’ I say. ‘Whenever you see chefs on the telly and they’re looking at someone else while they’re chopping an onion at a hundred miles an hour – it makes me break into a sweat. I’d have my arm off if I did that.’

      ‘Nonsense, it’s dead easy. You just need to practise. It’s all about confidence. I could teach you some basic skills, it’d take me half an hour?’

      ‘When?’ I say, too quickly.

      ‘Anytime. You’ll have to give me your number,’ he says, grinning.

      Tom is hovering a few metres away from us, glued to his BlackBerry. Nodding mostly, but also saying, ‘Sure sure, Devron. Fully strategic’ a lot.

      ‘So tell me – what do you do at the agency then?’ Jeff says. ‘Do you come up with the ideas for the ads?’

      ‘No,’ I say. ‘A creative team does that.’

      ‘That’s a relief!’ he says. ‘So you weren’t responsible for that terrible Perfect Bottom pizza campaign? Find your perfect bottom, we’ll give you the right stuffing …’

      ‘Actually I did work on that,’ I say, blushing. ‘But I didn’t come up with the idea.’

      ‘Oh,’ he says, ‘sorry. But they were so cheesy.’

      I agree. ‘Sold a lot of pizzas though,’ I say, shrugging my shoulders in despair. ‘Double-digit growth, your boss was very happy with those ads.’

      ‘So what do you do exactly?’ he says, gesturing to Tom to get off the phone, and pointing at his watch. It’s 9.45 a.m. and I’m sure Jeff had to be somewhere at 10 a.m… .

      I reach into my wallet and hand him my business card. That way he has my number and my email too. On the front of the card is a black shiny NMN logo, the legs of the three letters melded together so that СКАЧАТЬ