Past Secrets. Cathy Kelly

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      The kitchen at the back of the house was certainly the heart of the Maguire home. A cosy room which had been decorated at a time when there was no such concept in interior design as using too much pine, it was the room Maggie felt she’d grown up in.

      Sitting in an armchair at the table (pine) with her plastered leg up on a kitchen chair (pine), watching the portable television that was perched on the Little House on the Prairie dresser (distressed pine), was Maggie’s mother, Una.

      As tall a woman as her daughter, she was just as slender but with faded red hair instead of Maggie’s fiery curls. Their faces were very similar: perfect ovals with other-worldly cobalt-blue eyes and wide mouths that were always on the verge of a smile. But whereas Maggie’s smile was tremulous, anxious, Una’s was the all-encompassing beam of a woman who embraced life. Now Una sat listlessly in the chair, as if breaking her leg had taken the strength out of all her bones. Beside her was the crossword, nearly finished.

      ‘I’ve left the hard ones for your father,’ Una said, which was the standard and affectionate lie in the Maguire household.

      Dennis was no good at crosswords. A champion at the Rubik’s Cube, and deeply sorry when that had gone out of fashion, he was marvellous with gadgets, figures and magazine quizzes where you had to work out which tetrahedron was the odd one out.

      But words defied him.

      ‘What’ll I say?’ he used to beg Maggie when he had to write the only birthday card his wife didn’t write for him.

      ‘To Una, happy birthday, I love you so much, Dennis,’ was Maggie’s usual suggestion.

      It was what she’d have liked written on a card to her. Grey, for all his eloquence, hadn’t been much good at cards either, although Maggie had kept every single one he’d given her.

      Mum hugged Maggie tightly, then somehow managed a final squeeze and whispered in her ear: ‘We’re so glad you’re here, Bean.’

      Bean or Beanpole was her nickname, so given because she’d been long and skinny as a child.

      ‘Like a beanpole!’ her cousin Elisabeth used to say joyfully.

      Elisabeth, also tall but with Victoria’s Secret model curves instead of Maggie’s racehorse slenderness, was never called anything but Elisabeth.

      While Dennis bustled off with Maggie’s suitcases, Una told her daughter that the osteoporosis was advanced.

      ‘They can’t believe I haven’t broken anything before,’ she said finally. ‘It’s a bit of a miracle, and at my stage, I could end up breaking bones with just a knock against a bookcase.’

      Maggie was shocked. ‘Oh, Mum,’ she said. ‘That’s terrible. Dad said it was osteoporosis but he never said it was that bad.’

      They heard Dennis coming back.

      ‘I don’t want him to know everything,’ her mother went on. ‘It’d only worry him and what’s the point of that?’

      ‘He ought to know, Mum.’

      ‘Ah, why? It won’t be good for his heart if he’s watching me every moment worrying about me. I’ll be fine.’

      Maggie’s father came back into the kitchen.

      ‘What’ll we have for dinner?’ said Una breezily. ‘I can’t wait for a decent meal. Your poor dad is doing his best but he can only do soup and rolls. How about a roast? I fancy beef.’

      ‘Roast beef? Is there beef in the fridge?’ Maggie asked.

      Her mother looked blank. ‘I don’t know, love. I can’t get near the fridge. But look. Or you could go to the shops. The car’s there.’

      At that instant, Maggie began to feel panicky. Everything was more serious than she’d thought.

      Her father wasn’t exactly one of life’s copers. He’d never been able to cook, and viewed both the iron and washing machine as arcane specimens, beyond his ability. Her mother had done everything in the Maguire household.

      And yet here she was, expecting Maggie, who had just arrived, to know what was in the fridge, not to mention to feel confident hopping into a car she had never driven before and going to the supermarket. Maggie had passed her driving test when she was a teenager but she’d never owned a car and could barely remember the difference between all the pedals.

      Had breaking her leg broken something else in her mother too?

      ‘Mum,’ Maggie said, feeling horrendously guilty at not being able to do this simple thing in a family crisis, ‘I can’t drive. You know I can’t.’

      She looked into the fridge. There were several big chill-cabinet cartons of soup, half a pack of butter and eggs. Nothing else. ‘We shop from day to day,’ her father added helpfully. ‘I’ll stay with your mother.’

      Maggie shut the fridge. She was in charge. She wondered how this had happened. She was not qualified for this. Her mother was the one who was in charge.

      ‘You’ll be able to go, won’t you?’ Una’s voice quavered slightly.

      With frightening clarity, Maggie saw that their roles had swapped. One cracked femur and she was the parent.

      She had no option.

      ‘I’ll do a shop right now,’ she said firmly. ‘The mini supermarket will have everything we need. I’ll walk.’

      Speedi Shop on Jasmine Row had been open from dawn to dusk since Maggie had been in infant school. More expensive than the proper supermarket a mile away, it was always busy but there were never any long queues at the checkouts, mainly because Gretchen, the owner, didn’t encourage chitchat. She was, however, an interrogator of Lubyanka standards and Maggie had always felt that Gretchen was terrifying. She didn’t smile much and when she did, her forehead and face remained static, as if filled with Botox, although it was hard to imagine Gretchen spending the money on such a thing. Beauty, a bit like politeness, was a waste of time in Gretchen’s book.

      She was there behind the counter when Maggie arrived at the checkout, her basket spilling over with the makings of a roast dinner, shop-bought apple pie and ice cream for pudding.

      ‘Maggie Maguire, a sight for sore eyes. Long time no see. I thought you were living in married bliss in Galway.’

      Maggie translated this bit of faux politeness in her head: fancy seeing you here, and is it true you’re not married at all but still shacking up with some fellow who clearly won’t marry you?

      ‘Home for a few days,’ said Maggie, aiming for the happily unconcerned approach. Had Gretchen X-ray vision? Could she see that Maggie’s man had cheated on her? It wouldn’t surprise her if the answer was yes. ‘And I’m not married, actually, I’ve a long-term partner.’

      Translation: I am a fulfilled woman who has made interesting life choices and wouldn’t be bothered getting married when I could live the free life of a modern feminist unshackled by silly old wedding vows.

      ‘Right.’ Gretchen СКАЧАТЬ