The Rise and Fall of a Domestic Diva. Sarah May
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Название: The Rise and Fall of a Domestic Diva

Автор: Sarah May

Издательство: HarperCollins

Жанр: Зарубежный юмор

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isbn: 9780007347513

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СКАЧАТЬ sniffed at the floor around his bowl, Margery screamed at him, still sobbing, ‘Bugger off, just bugger off.’ She elbowed the white cat away, anger replacing fear, but Ivan came back, nonplussed by the elbow in his flank—and gave the corned beef a few aggressive licks.

      Margery staggered to her feet and kicked him across the kitchen.

      After bouncing off the fridge, he landed with a whine, paused, licked at a back paw then padded quietly into the hallway where he sat and waited, letting his posture insinuate that his dignity, at least, was intact.

      Panting, Margery slammed the kitchen door shut, decanted the corned beef from Ivan’s bowl into a plastic mixing bowl and, taking a pair of tweezers from her handbag, which she always kept within close range, started to painstakingly pick Ivan’s hairs out of the corned beef.

       Chapter 7

      Jessica Palmer was inside No. 8 Beulah Hill doing a viewing with a young, top-of-the-range couple when her mobile rang. She didn’t usually take calls during viewings—not unless it was Ellie or the nursery—but she took this one because it was Kate Hunter, and Kate was meant to be picking Arthur up from nursery and taking him to Swim School. In fact, Kate Hunter was her childcare lifeline.

      The top-of-the-range young couple drifted upstairs.

      Beulah Hill, like the rest of the streets in the postcode, had gone from destitute to up-and-coming to boom as generations of Irish and Jamaicans started selling up and moving out, and young couples started selling flats in Battersea, Putney and Clapham and moving in; taking out extra-large mortgages in order to pay for the reinstallation of sash windows the Irish and Jamaicans had replaced with uPVC double glazing. Once the sash windows were reinstalled, they moved onto the floors, replacing carpet with solid wood flooring. Sea green and lilac bathroom suites were ripped out, along with any dividing walls—to create living spaces that allowed lifestyles to circulate more freely. Some of the houses—like the McRaes’—got to feature on TV makeover programmes.

      No. 8 had yet to be made over.

      ‘Kate?’ Jessica whispered into the phone.

      ‘Hi, Jessica?’

      ‘Hi…’

      ‘Why are you whispering?’

      ‘I’m doing a viewing on Beulah Hill.’

      ‘What’s that?’

      ‘I said, I’m doing a viewing on Beulah Hill.’ There was a pause. ‘Kate?’

      ‘Beulah Hill? You’re there at the moment? Has anyone put an offer in yet?’

      ‘No.’ Jessica scanned the green shag-pile carpet and green leather three-piece. The light coming through the double layers of net at the windows made the room seem as though it was under water, and had the effect of making Jesus, with his arms outstretched, executed in oils and framed on the wall above the mantle—look as if he was floating.

      ‘Why were you asking—?’ she joked. Then, before Kate had time to respond to this, said, ‘Is it still okay for you to take the boys swimming tonight and pick them up?’ She tried not to sound desperate, knowing from experience how off-putting desperation was but, since Peter’s death, she seemed to be perpetually desperate, and perpetually having to conceal it was draining.

      When Kate didn’t respond to this, she prompted her, ‘The boys? Swimming?’ and waited.

      ‘Swimming?’ Kate’s voice sounded vague and preoccupied.

      ‘You were going to take the boys to Swim School after nursery and then I was going to pick Arthur up from yours around six?’

      Silence, as Kate rapidly processed these facts as if she was hearing them for the first time, which she wasn’t. ‘Fine—yes, that’s fine. Robert’s going to pick the boys up from swimming.’ She made a mental note to remind Robert.

      Jessica, trying not to cry with relief, missed what Kate said next. ‘What’s that?’

      ‘I said maybe I am interested.’

      ‘In what?’

      ‘Taking a look at Beulah Hill.’

      ‘You’re thinking of moving?’

      ‘Possibly.’ Kate’s only appointment that morning had been a teenage schizophrenic, so she’d spent most of her time after printing off a map of the St Anthony’s catchment area, as well as two copies of the appeal form, on Rightmove. By the time she discovered that the only property with at least three bedrooms under seven hundred thousand and within the catchment area was No. 8 Beulah Hill, a dull thumping sensation had started somewhere just behind her left temple, and she knew that at some point that day she would have a migraine.

      ‘But you’ve got a lovely house.’

      In the silence that followed, Kate realised that Jessica was waiting for some sort of explanation. ‘We were thinking of buying something abroad,’ she lied—another lie. ‘Maybe downscaling in London, cashing in on some capital and getting somewhere in France—to take the kids in the holidays.’

      ‘Well, how much were you thinking of spending?’ Jessica said, thinking that at least the Hunters would be around in the term-time still. Kate was the only person she knew who ever offered to help with Arthur.

      ‘Around four fifty?’

      ‘This is on for four eighty.’

      ‘I know, I’ve been looking at it on Rightmove. How long’s it been on the market for?’

      ‘Over six weeks.’

      ‘So you haven’t been able to shift it.’

      ‘Well, I’ve got a young couple here at the moment…you never know: people are unpredictable.’

      There was undisguised panic in Kate’s voice as she said, ‘What about this afternoon? Could I take a look this afternoon?’

      ‘This afternoon?’ Jessica laughed. ‘I can’t—I’m booked through to five thirty. I think everybody in the office is.’

      ‘What about now?’

      ‘Now?’

      ‘I can be there in under ten minutes.’

      ‘I don’t know…’

      ‘Come on, Jessica.’

      ‘I’ll give you ten minutes then I’ll have to go—I’ve got another viewing.’

      ‘I’ll be there.’

      Jessica was about to call off when Kate said, ‘Wait—I meant to ask. Did you get your letter?’

      ‘What letter?’

      ‘The St Anthony’s letter?’

      ‘No СКАЧАТЬ