The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You. Barbara Angelis De

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СКАЧАТЬ of three categories:

      Category One—Men you don’t want. There are men who have serious problems in the areas of commitment, intimacy, and integrity. They’re just not ready for a relationship with anyone. These poor guys need a lot of work, though they would probably disagree with that assessment! By the way, these are usually the very men who respond to OLD RULES chase games. (See REAL RULE #3)

      Category Two—Perfect, enlightened men with no emotional baggage, no insecurities, and fully developed psychic abilities which allow them to know and fulfill your needs at all times. Needless to say, there is no one in this category, except for a handful of swamis, priests, and monks, and they aren’t available.

      Category Three—Men who want a loving,.committed relationship, but just like you, are secretly scared of rejection, afraid of getting hurt, and therefore, need love and encouragement.

      It should be obvious that Category One Men are to be avoided like the plague (See REAL RULES #8–13). Category Two men aren’t an option! That means the majority of the men you’ll meet will belong to Category Three.

      Here’s the secret truth about Category Three men: they’re not that different from you or any other woman in one significant way—they feel as deeply, and again, they need as much love and reassurance as you do. They may not admit this up front; they may not even admit it after you’re married. But believe me, it’s true. In their hearts, men need to feel loved, to feel special, to feel safe, and to feel they are doing a good job in life and in relationships.

      You know how your mind fills you with all kinds of fears when you’re considering letting a man know you’re interested? Men feel the same way when they’re considering approaching you. You know how nervous you feel before a date with a new guy you really like? Men feel the same way before a date with you. In fact, they feel worse, because according to the OLD RULES, it’s the man’s responsibility to make the first move, request the date, make the plans, reach out for affection, all the way down the line to proposing marriage. Think about it—one situation after another where he’s setting himself up for potential rejection.

      Here’s a chart to help you understand more about REAL RULE #2:

MEN’S SECRET DESIRES	MEN’S SECRET FEARS
Wants to make you happy.	Fear he doesn’t know how.
Wants to please you.	Fear he won’t be enough.
Wants to do things right.	Fear he’ll make a mistake.
Wants to open up and love.	Fear that you’ll reject him.

      Let me ask you a question: When do you feel safe to really open up? For most women, the answer is: “When I feel really loved.” Guess what … the same REAL RULE is true for men. The more you love and appreciate a good man, the safer he’s going to feel, and the more he’ll open up to loving you.

      Applying Real Rule #2 means never forgetting that inside of every incredibly desirable man you’re dying to get close to is a scared little boy who has the same fear of rejection that you have. Don’t underestimate the power you have to hurt him, whether by acting cold, poking fun at something he said, or making a sarcastic remark about something he didn’t do well. He may never talk about it, but believe me, he’ll remember it.

      So instead of walking around feeling so intimidated by men, start to practice looking at them with different, more sensitive eyes, recognizing that they need your love just as much as you need theirs. You’ll feel a lot more relaxed and spontaneous around men when you remember REAL RULE #2. Believe me, the more you show a guy that you’re not stereotyping him as a “typical,” shut down, emotionally backward male, the sooner he’ll open up and reach out to make you a part of his life.

       REAL RULE #3: Stay Away From Men Who Don’t Like THE REAL RULES

      What’s one of the biggest problems you have in the beginning of any relationship?—How to tell whether or not you’re with the wrong man before things get too serious. How many times have you gotten involved with a guy, maybe even slept with him, only to find out three or six or nine months later that he was not the kind of person you wanted to be with, and that in fact, you didn’t even like or respect him?!!!

      Here’s one of the greatest benefits of using THE REAL RULES—when you put THE REAL RULES into practice, the wrong men will automatically eliminate themselves from your life. Why? Because THE REAL RULES will make the wrong men uncomfortable!!

      THE REAL RULES are like a “healthy man detector.” Guys who are good for you will love THE REAL RULES. Guys with unhealthy love habits will hate THE REAL RULES.

      Let’s face it—there are some men out there who do fit the OLD RULES stereotype. They’re the kind of guys that call women they hardly know “hon,” “babe,” and “doll.” They think women should be “protected” from having too many responsibilities in life. They believe in the “boys will be boys” mentality—in other words, they expect to do what they want to without your feedback. They may act like you’re their princess, but there’s no doubt in their minds that they’re the king.

      These men will love chasing you. It makes them feel successful, potent, manly. The pursuit and capture feeds into their unfulfilled need to feel powerful. Therefore, they like women who are coy, manipulative, and withholding, because they get excited by the challenge of conquering you. When you finally submit, they’ve won, and in spite of the sparkling ring on your finger, you’ve lost. Why? OLD RULES MEN don’t want a real woman—they want a trophy, a possession, a prize.

      OLD RULES MEN:

      

      • Want to feel like they’re in control

      • Think of the male sex as superior

      • Believe women have a limited role in life

      • Are uncomfortable with real intimacy

      • Don’t like powerful women

      • Think their opinion counts more

      • Are addicted to the chase, and are more likely to cheat when bored

      • Judge you by your looks, your weight, and your breast size

      • Want to feel smarter than you

      • Don’t like to be questioned or challenged

      • Aren’t interested in improving themselves for you

      • Don’t want the relationship to go too deep, even if you’re married

      • Will be threatened if you surpass them in any area (your intellect, your income, etc.)

      If you’re looking for this kind of husband, you might as well throw this book away right now, because OLD RULES men don’t like REAL RULES WOMEN since you’re not willing to play their game.

      Who are these guys, and how did they get this way? They’re usually men who felt overpowered as a child by a dominating father СКАЧАТЬ