The Watcher: A dark addictive thriller with the ultimate psychological twist. Ross Armstrong

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СКАЧАТЬ Two flock! Put that in column five and the colour of their plumage, blonde and red, in column four. We don’t know their names so we’ll pick some later for column two. We’ll do a brief weather description for column seven. Something about behaviour in six and an estimated height for the last column. I’m good at this so let me suggest five foot six for both. It’s a skill. You can get better with practice. It’s my party trick, have I never told you that? I’m usually right to the centimetre.’

      ‘Inch.’ He smiles. He loves corrections. He loves a bit of control. ‘Is zis your farzer’s method? Tell me about your farzer?’ he says.

      I look at him, maybe a beat too long.

      ‘It’s my method. So. For column one I’m going to say… WFC. What do you think that–’

      ‘White… female… couple.’

      ‘Very good! Very. Good. Now…’

      A lesbian couple. They’re a lesbian couple! How exciting! Not that it’s unusual or anything. It’s just that I don’t have any lesbian friends and I’d really like to. I would’ve voted for the marriage thing, if they’d asked me. Definitely. I’d have knocked on doors. If I’d lived in Ireland or something. I heard a podcast about people knocking on doors over there, changing people’s minds. It sounded really cool. It’s a no-brainer.

      Look at them. We could be friends. We could have lesbian brunches. Or a lesbian book group. I’d love to have a lesbian book group. And now I have some lesbians.

      ‘They’ve got a globe that lights up. They’ve got a record player. They’ve got a retractable punchbag. On a stick. They’ve got… an oak bookcase. They have blue fairy lights. They have a Dualit toaster, like we do! Ooh, they’ve left the Country Life butter out. Perhaps one of them thinks they might fancy some more toast in the not too distant future. They’ve got… cushions from Heal’s, not cheap those ones, I’ve seen them online. They’ve got a tall fern in the corner where the exterior windows meet. They’ve got a pink orchid. They’ve got a twelve-bottle wine rack. They’ve got empty bottles ready to go down to recycling. They’ve got a bike in the corner, even though there are racks beneath the building. Oh. It’s a Brompton! It folds. They’ve got a Chinese-framed print of the original poster of Nights Of Cabiria, the Fellini movie, and I think… yes… it’s limited edition!’

      ‘How do you think they do it?’ he says.

      ‘What? Keep the place so tidy? They both do their fair share, I’d imagine.’

      ‘No, the sex. The two-woman sex… thing.’

      ‘It’s pretty much the same. Just with two of one thing, rather than the other.’

      ‘Yeah, but…’

      ‘God, you’ve led a sheltered life. Use your imagination. In fact, don’t. Don’t, do that. You’re ruining this.’ Sometimes he needs a scold.

      ‘I mean, do you think they’re a “get into their pyjamas” kind of couple? Or d’ya think at some random moment the blonde might just grab the redhead, throw her on that wooden table and just… give her one?’

      ‘I wouldn’t have thought so, they’re varnishing it. They’re only half finished.’

      ‘How can you tell?’

      ‘The difference in the colour of the wood. There’s newspaper on the end there, look. And by the sink, brushes in a glass jug.’

      ‘Bloody hell, you’re good at this.’

      ‘And, now I come to think of it, I’ve seen these two before.’

      ‘Where?’

      He holds my gaze.

      I look away from him.

      Shit.

      ‘Wow. You. Are. Mental,’ he says

      ‘Don’t say that. It’s not nice,’ I say, breezy, but firm.

      Whoosh! A plane shoots overhead. They come very close here. It’s like they’re getting closer every time. The women look up. You can see their pale, white necks. Janet strokes Tippi’s red hair. She dyes it. Must do with that shade.

      Footsteps plod along the hallway. We pause. And give each other that grinning look of recognition.

      ‘Uh oh. I zink our znext-door neighbour ist home,’ Aid says, his eyes twinkling.

      Soon, I’ll tell you about the man who lives next door.

Part Two:

The night. And the day that followed.

20 days till it comes. Night. 10 p.m.

      SWM – Cary – Parkway – Brunette – Singular – Pensive – 21 degrees, under cover of night, windy – 5’ 10”.

      Cary has his favourite Breton top on. He’s recently got one of those new haircuts. It’s slick on top and shaved at the sides. It’s the haircut that would occur if De Niro from Taxi Driver became the third member of Wham! He probably works in Shoreditch. It’s probably a normal haircut there. He’s finishing the look with a red scarf/neckerchief. Which is bold. I get the feeling he’s been plucking up the courage to do this for a while and surprisingly it looks OK. He’s dancing around a bit, probably to electronic sounds. I wish I could hear what band or DJ. I really wish I could. To get a better idea of it all.

      His mates arrive and they do ironic fist pumps. They’re probably going out somewhere actually. ‘Mate 1’ has a Hot Chip T-Shirt on. One of them disappears and then comes back and pinches his nose. Then the other ones disappear and do the same. They start playing on the Wii and it’s competitive. One of them licks his teeth as he flings his controller forward, lets go of it and it smacks into the window. It’s kicking off!

      They’re all laughing but Cary doesn’t find it so funny, he probably only part owns this flat as part of that scheme. It’s not as posh as the Waterway flats but it’s nice, same floor plan as ours. He knows the window isn’t broken or cracked but he’s telling them:

      ‘Dude, careful, these windows cost a fortune.’

      Yes, I think that’s what he said. And he’s right, I bet they do. They wouldn’t be cheap to replace. He thinks there’s a mark. There is a mark. He’s got a cloth. Oh, he’s pretty much got it. Oh, I see. It wasn’t a proper mark.

      ‘How’s Tippi’s table coming along?’ Aiden says, without looking up.

      ‘Er, not bad, I think. Looked like it was nearly done and drying about an hour ago.’

      ‘Do you think they sanded it first? I might do something like that.’

      He СКАЧАТЬ