Mr Starlight. Laurie Graham

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СКАЧАТЬ Ted Sibley. If you’ve got what it takes he’ll sign you, if you haven’t he won’t. And you’re well thought of at Greely’s. Let’s face it, stardom isn’t for everybody. But whatever you do, don’t any of you worry about me. I’m on my way and I don’t need a babysitter.’

      He was so full of himself and all he had was a pack of promises, not a single paying engagement in the book. I was the one getting enquiries from Wednesbury Oddfellows and the Sluice and Penstock Social. I thought, ‘I’ll show the ruddy lot of you.’

      I took a day’s holiday and went down to London to see this Ted Sibley. It caused quite a flutter in the Trimming Shop. I had to promise to send them a picture postcard, even though I was only gone for the day. Sel insisted on coming with me.

      I said, ‘You’re the one supposed to need nannying.’ I’d been to London before. I’d been through on a troop train. I said, ‘Got you worried, have I? Think Ted Sibley might recognise who’s the real musician in the family?’

      ‘Ah, come on, Cled,’ he said. ‘Don’t be like that. Don’t let’s fall out. We’ve both got something to offer. You’re a good steady instrumentalist. I’ve got that added vital ingredient.’

      We went to a cafeteria and he put away two eggs on toast and a pot of tea. I couldn’t manage a thing; I was so churned up with nerves. I’d never had to audition for strangers very much, with Uncle Teilo having so much pull.

      Sel said, ‘Here’s my advice. Forget you’re trying out for Ted Sibley. Pretend you’re at home. Enjoy yourself. Pretend you’re playing for Dilys and Arthur. And look at it this way, if it doesn’t pan out, at least you’re a skilled car seat finisher. You’ll never starve.’

      I played ‘Lazy Bones’ and ‘Nice Work’. It was a good piano, but I wasn’t up to my usual mark. Ted Sibley had the habit of narrowing his eyes while he was listening, giving the impression he was in pain, or falling asleep.

      I said, ‘I’m better with an audience.’

      ‘You should be so lucky,’ he said. Then he threw me a play list and told me to show him what I could do on trumpet. That was when I hit my stride. I gave him ‘Blue Orchids’ and ‘Night and Day’ and my own arrangement of ‘Little Brown Jug’, mood perfect, note perfect, even though I was in a bit of a haze. I think it had been caused by a beverage called a Rusty Nail, bought me by Sel to help settle my stomach. Anyway, Sibley stubbed out his cigarette and said, ‘Yeah, you’ll do. I’ll put you on my books. You understand what’s involved? You’ll have to have a medical. You have to be willing to travel. You single, Cled? No encumbrances?’

      I was between romances as it happened. I said, ‘Is that it, then? When do I start?’

      ‘As soon as I need a trumpeter,’ he said. ‘Are there any more of you at home? Any other Boff talent I should know about? No chorus girls? Sax players?’

      Ted Sibley did a lot of business with the shipping lines and he was looking for a tenor sax for a sailing to Ceylon and some high-kickers for a variety show going to South Africa. There was no telling where an international entertainer could end up. ‘And Sel,’ he said, ‘I’m still waiting for a photo of you in a normal suit. Single vent, no spangles, remember? I can’t sell you as a supporting vocalist if you look like something off a flying trapeze.’

      ‘I’ll get it done tomorrow, Ted,’ he said, and then he winked at me. ‘I’ll wear something from Hepworth’s Mr Normal Collection and just let my natural incandescence shine through.’

      He didn’t appear to notice he’d had a ticking off. He’d received so little criticism in life I’m not sure he always recognised it when he heard it. And it never crossed his mind that things might not go his way. All he could see was that house with the swimming pool waiting for him at the end of the rainbow.

      We went back to the cafeteria and I had my first breakfast of the day and Sel had his second.

      I said, ‘I’ll have to give Greely’s a week’s notice.’

      ‘Yeah?’ he said.

      I said, ‘Renée used to say I didn’t have enough get-up-and-go. I’ve a good mind to go round to the Midland Red depot tonight and see what she’s got to say for herself now.’

      ‘Yeah?’ he said.

      I said, ‘Where is Ceylon, exactly?’

      ‘Don’t know,’ he said, ‘and don’t care. The only boat I’m getting on is one going to New York.’

      I said, ‘It might be nice to see some other places first. World travel is bound to give a man a certain something. It can’t help but give you more pull with the ladies.’

      ‘Yeah?’ he said.

      He had several girls keen on him at that time, including his old school pal Vera Muddimer, but he didn’t seem inclined to make the kind of move they were hoping for. He knew the facts of life. I’d filled him in on all that. You pick up those kinds of things when you do military service, but of course that was an experience that had passed him by.

      I said, ‘Don’t you like Vera?’

      ‘I love Vera,’ he said.

      I said, ‘Then how come you haven’t got round to kissing her yet?’

      He said, ‘I kiss her all the time.’

      I said, ‘I don’t mean on the hand. That’s just fooling around. I mean kissing. On the lips.’

      ‘Bleeah!’ he said. ‘Germs!’

      He was an oddity.

      ‘Cled,’ he said, ‘I hope you’re not expecting us to get booked for the same engagements? Just because we’re family doesn’t mean we’re joined at the neck. Ted’s business is getting the best he can for his artistes. He can’t be ruled by sentiment.’

      I didn’t have any expectations. Once we were back in Ninevah Street it all seemed like a dream and anyway, I didn’t want to prejudice my position at Greely’s. I said to Mam, ‘Nothing may come of it. Sel talks as though it’s in the bag, but it’s not.’

      But Mam said, ‘Of course it is. You’ll probably get a letter tomorrow.’

      Uncle Teilo wasn’t so impressed. ‘Chugging back and forth on some tub,’ he said. ‘What if you get seasick?’

      Mam said, ‘They won’t get seasick. They went on pleasure pedalos in Cannon Hill Park and they were as right as ninepence.’

      Sel said, ‘Yes. And anyway, I might only have to chug forth. Some millionaire impresario might come aboard and discover me. Then I’ll be down that gangplank and on my way, first trip.’

      No letter came the next day, nor even the next week, even though Sel had sent in a plain vanilla photo as instructed.

      I said, ‘Looks like Ted Sibley was all talk. How about going back with Teilo? Put a bit of jingle in our pockets?’

      ‘Not me,’ he said. ‘You go back with Teilo.’

      But Uncle Teilo had got the СКАЧАТЬ