Follies. Rosie Thomas

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СКАЧАТЬ to a desirable club from which she would be forever excluded. She was oppressed by a sense of her own plainness and dowdiness.

      ‘Forget what?’ Chloe was asking Helen again.

      ‘We were talking about Oliver Mortimore,’ Pansy said, before Helen could frame an answer. ‘Helen was kindly warning me off.’

      Helen wished she could find something as lightly dismissive to say, but nothing came. Chloe felt the tension vibrating in the room and tactfully turned her attention to dispersing it.

      ‘Really?’ she said vaguely, feigning lack of interest as she wandered round Pansy’s room. There were arched windows with views of the river and Christ Church, and panelling and furniture similar to her own, but here everything was fresher and there were thick new carpets. Chloe peered through the adjoining doors. One led to a bedroom with a glimpse of a bathroom beyond, another revealed a tiny, compact kitchen.

      ‘You’ve got a whole flat,’ she said to Pansy enviously. ‘Mine’s next door, but it’s only a room and a bit.’

      ‘What’s yours like?’ Pansy was asking Helen, and Helen knew that it was a peace-offering. She was being drawn into the conversation as a means of calling a truce in a skirmish that had never really started. It was generous of Pansy, she thought. More generous than she was herself – but then Pansy could afford to be.

      ‘My room’s a small, square cell on the floor above,’ she said, managing a smile. ‘Servants’ quarters.’

      Chloe and Pansy both laughed, relieved. The tension was ebbing away.

      ‘How rotten. My father found this, I’ve no idea how. I suppose it is rather stylish. He’s good at things like that.’

      ‘Is your father Masefield Warren?’ Chloe asked.

      ‘That’s right.’

      Of course. Pansy’s father’s name was almost synonymous with ruthless success. He was a self-made man with an iron reputation who now controlled an empire that embraced oil, newspapers, property and films. And Pansy was his only child. One day she would be very, very rich, as well as startlingly beautiful.

      Poor Helen, Chloe was thinking. I can’t see her gilded Apollo resisting all that. And Helen was staring down at her clasped hands, not wanting to think at all. To shut off the dull ache of anxiety, she turned to Chloe.

      ‘Nice lunch?’ she asked politely.

      Chloe laughed, pleased with the chance to talk about it.

      ‘Extremely nice. I’d almost forgotten how delicious it is, meeting someone and realising that you’re attracted to him. Then guessing that he feels the same and waiting to see how you’re both going to play it.’

      She had released the knot on top of her head and her hair came tumbling around her face. It made her look much younger, and her features were alight with an excitement that was almost childish.

      It had been a very satisfactory lunch. Stephen Spurring had achieved just the right inviting blend of intimacy and remoteness. Chloe hated pushy men. She wanted to know him better now, and her head was full of the way he had looked and the way his mouth had lifted, crookedly, into a smile of invitation.

      When it had been time to leave, Stephen had put his hand over hers.

      ‘Will you dine with me one night at High Table? It might amuse you.’

      ‘I’d like that.’

      She was responding to this quiet, subtle man in a way that she hadn’t done for years. The recollection of it made her smile again.

      ‘Be careful,’ Helen warned her. ‘Stephen eats girls. And … did you know that he’s married?’

      ‘I know he’s married because he told me,’ Chloe said coolly. For an intelligent woman, she thought, Helen could be very prissy. ‘And I think I can look after myself. In fact, Dr Spurring had better be careful that I don’t eat him. He’s quite appetising enough.’

      All three of them laughed, a little uneasily, before Pansy asked, ‘Who’s this Dr Spurring?’

      ‘He’s an English don,’ Helen told her. ‘He was watching you audition too.’

      ‘Him?’ Pansy said, a little absently. ‘I thought he looked interesting.’

      For a moment nobody spoke. Chloe’s voice was firm when she answered. ‘He certainly interests me.’

      In the silence, a little quiver of reawakened tension whispered at them.

      Helen collected herself. Now was the time to escape. From the doorway she said a muted goodbye and then climbed heavily up to the deserted box of her room.

      There was nothing she could do. Pansy was here, and there was no point in making an enemy of her. All Helen could do was wait, first of all to see whether Oliver would be true to his word and come to look for her here at Follies House. Helen walked over to her window. With the height of the extra storey she could see over the rooftops to the outline of Canterbury Quad and, she imagined, even the windows of Oliver’s rooms.

      Only wait. Already it felt like the beginning of a vigil. And from downstairs, only just audible, she thought she heard the murmur of conversation and a burst of laughter from Chloe and Pansy. What had once felt to Helen like the unassailable Gothic calm of Follies House, now seemed heavy with vague threats, and half-formed mysterious alliances that excluded her.

      Suddenly Helen felt cold, and lonely. She shivered. She needed Oliver’s warmth and assurance badly, but he wasn’t there.

       Four

      Helen drew up her knees and rested her chin on them. It was cold in her room, and colder still sitting on the window seat against the misted glass, but she didn’t think of moving to turn on the heater. Instead she went on staring out at the height of Tom Tower and the smooth stone front of Christ Church. It was a grey cloudy November day with a vicious wind that whipped the black branches of the trees. On the pavements below, Helen could see passers-by shrunk into their winter clothes, their faces raw in the wind.

      Very faintly she could hear the river and the hum of traffic but inside it was completely silent. Follies had the ability to swallow sound and spin a sense of isolation around the listener.

      Once Helen had relished the peace, but lately it had oppressed her.

      Work, her faithful remedy, was no longer any use. For days she had stared blankly at her books, watching the lines of grey type jumping meaninglessly in front of her eyes. Then she had given up the struggle. All she had in its place was the persistent whisper of guilt, chaffing her painfully but doing nothing towards driving her back to her desk.

      Helen knew that if she wasn’t working, she had no justification for staying in Oxford. That knowledge was the most difficult thing to live with. If she wasn’t working, then she should be at home where she was needed.

      Last time they had talked, Helen’s mother had struggled to keep the anxiety out of her voice, for her daughter’s sake, but Helen had heard it anyway. Her mother was lonely, there was so little money, and СКАЧАТЬ