How Did I Get Here?: Navigating the unexpected turns in love and life. Barbara Angelis De

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СКАЧАТЬ soul, a longing to identify these unfamiliar experiences that fill us with fear, confusion or uncertainty. We really need to know what is going on. We need to give it a name.

      From the earliest recorded times, human beings have had the desire and need to name things. Scientists say that language is the very thing that makes us human. There are 6,500 living languages in the world today, with many more that have died out. That means there are billions of names and words in existence. Estimates of the number of words in the English language alone start at around three million and go up from there.

      What is the purpose of all these words? The traditions of many ancient peoples and religions believed in the power of the word or name to bring things into being. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God,” says the Christian Bible. In the Hindu tradition, AUM is the sacred symbol that is the source of all existence, the cosmic sound from which the world arose and within which the world exists. In ancient Egypt, it was essential that the parents name their child as soon as he or she was born—otherwise it was as if the child did not exist. To name something made it real. This belief is still an integral part of modern culture—we already have more than enough words, yet we continue to create new ones as we experience, identify and name new realities—in the English language alone, we still invent up to 20,000 new words and terms a year.

      In ancient times, since names were so important, it was believed that to discover the name of something was to gain power over it and control it: to know the name was to possess the thing. Thus in many cultures the names of deities were kept secret and never revealed. Early writings about the magical arts declare that once a magician knew the name of a thing, he held the secret to its magic. In other traditions, to use the sacred names, as in the recitation of mantras, was to empower oneself, to take on the qualities of the name of the Divine, and to achieve liberation.

      In our own lives, we’ve all had experiences of the power that naming has to define things and actually shift our experience of them. There is a big difference, for instance, between someone you are dating, and someone who is suddenly named your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Now, the relationship is “official.” Of course, it becomes more so when the “boyfriend” is renamed “husband.” You enjoy working for a company, but when you are named manager or assistant vice-president, you suddenly feel more important, and you proudly carry business cards with your new “name.” Even unpleasant circumstances became more tolerable when they are named: Your son who does poorly in school, loses his temper with his siblings, and can’t seem to pay attention may be seen as a “problem child” until his symptoms are properly named, and he is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Now you know the cause of his behavior—it is no longer an exasperating mystery—and you can get him the help he needs.

       Names help us to locate where we are on our outer and our inner journey, and to identify who we are. When we are entering unknown territory, encountering unrecognizable landscapes, or arriving at unexpected turning points, we need those names the most.

      The Power of Naming

      Not everything can be cured or fixed, but it should be named properly. —Richard Rohr

      When I was twelve years old, my maternal grandmother told me a priceless story that I have never forgotten. “Mom-Mom,” as we called her, was born in southern Russia in 1901, at the height of the Russian Empire’s persecution of the Jews. When she was just four, she and her entire family escaped to America to avoid being killed in one of the pogroms that were sweeping through Russia and settled in the then-sleepy seaside town of Atlantic City, New Jersey. The children in the family soon adapted to their new life in the United States, but Mom-Mom’s mother, my great-grandmother Ida, spoke no English and, like many immigrants of that time, clung to her old-fashioned ways. Mom-Mom explained:

      “One Saturday morning when I was almost thirteen years old, I went as usual to play on the beach with my friends. We only lived a few blocks from the ocean, and I spent as much time there as possible. After a while I got hungry, and decided to go home for lunch. While my mother was making me a sandwich, I stepped into the bathroom to ‘go,’ and when I wiped down there, to my horror there was blood on the toilet paper! Blood, and lots of it! I shrieked and began to cry. Something was terribly wrong. I’d heard about people with horrible diseases, and now it was happening to me. I was dying.

      “Your great-grandmom Ida must have heard my sobbing, and she came running into the bathroom. ‘Maidelah,’ (that’s Yiddish for little girl), she said, ‘what’s wrong? Why are you crying?’

      “ ‘Look, Mama, I’m dying.’ With a trembling hand, I held the blood-soaked toilet tissue up so she could see the evidence of my impending demise.

      “Your great-grandmom Ida’s eyes got very wide for a moment, and then she smiled. ‘Darling, wipe your tears—you’re not dying,’ she crooned as she dried my damp face with her handkerchief.

      “‘I’m not?’ I asked her in disbelief. ‘Then, Mama, why am I bleeding down there?’

      “‘Oh, that, well, I’ll tell you what that is,’ my mother said with a knowing look on her face. I leaned forward in anticipation, anxious to hear her explanation for my horrible plight. ‘A crab bit you at the beach!’ she announced triumphantly.

      “‘A crab? Bit me down there? But Mama, I didn’t feel anything.’

      “‘Well, you were probably so busy playing or swimming, you didn’t notice, but that’s what it was … just a crab. Now you wait here, and I am going to get you a special bandage to put on, because you might bleed for a little while longer.’ And within a moment, my mother came back with a long, thick white bandage unlike anything I’d ever seen, and she showed me how to attach it to a special belt so it wouldn’t fall out of my underpants.”

      By now I was laughing so hard listening to my Mom-Mom Lilly’s story that I could hardly breathe. “Did you really believe that it was a crab?” I asked her, giggling.

      “What did I know about these things?” my grandmother answered. “No one talked about it back then, and certainly not my mother, God rest her soul. I just put on the ‘bandage’ and waited for the crab bite to heal. And five days later, to my surprise, it did. Of course, I stayed away from the beach for the next month, terrified that I’d get bitten again and that this time it would be worse, and the bleeding wouldn’t stop after five days.”

      “How did you finally figure out that you’d gotten your period?” I inquired.

      “Four weeks later, like clockwork, I started bleeding again, and since this time I knew it couldn’t be a crab, I confronted my mother, and she finally told me that I had become a woman and explained the whole thing. Oh, I was very angry with her, but to be honest, I was also quite relieved. I’d spent the whole month sure that I did indeed have an incurable disease, but that my mother didn’t have the heart to tell me. So to finally hear her give my ‘ailment’ a name, to know it was normal and discover that I wasn’t the only one going through it, lifted a huge cloud from my mind.”

      I always loved my grandmother’s telling (and retelling!) of this story. However, as the years passed and I grew older, I realized that the tale, which amused me so much as a young girl, contains something more important than just humor and sweet, irreplaceable memories. It teaches a lesson about the power and importance of giving a name to our experiences.

      Naming has several important values:

       1. Naming allows us to step back from СКАЧАТЬ