Название: Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: How to Increase Your Marriage Potential by up to 60%
Автор: John Molloy T.
Издательство: HarperCollins
Жанр: Общая психология
isbn: 9780007374182
isbn:
Date Only the Marrying Kind
To dramatically increase your chances of marrying you must seek out and date the marrying kind.
Statistical Truths About the Marrying Kind
Most men will not even consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. For 80 percent of high school graduates, the minimum age of commitment is twenty-three, whereas for 80 percent of college graduates, it’s twenty-six.
The high-commitment period for most college-educated men is from ages twenty-eight to thirty-three.
For men who go to graduate school—doctors, lawyers, and the like—the high-commitment period runs from thirty to thirty-six.
After age thirty-seven or thirty-eight, the chance that a man will commit diminishes. After forty-three, it diminishes even more.
Most men think sowing their wild oats is a rite of passage and will not even contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years.
Men are most likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene.
Men have biological clocks. They want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball, and to do the male-bonding thing.
Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry—nor are they good prospects. Run … fast.
Men whose parents divorced when they were young are often gun-shy about marrying.
Men often marry women whose backgrounds—religion, politics, values, socioeconomic status—match theirs.
Men who have their own places and have lived as independent, self-supporting adults are more likely to marry.
Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry.
If a man over the age of forty has been married before, he is more likely to marry than a forty-year-old man who has never been married.
If you wish to facilitate a trip to the altar, meet and date only the marrying kind!
EVERY SPEAKER wants to draw as large an audience as possible, and I’m no exception. I love it when the room is filled with people. Still, a few years back when I approached a room in which I was scheduled to speak, I was surprised by the overflow crowd—there were at least as many people in the hallway as there were in the room.
I started by asking the audience why they were there. A very attractive young woman in the first row asked if I remembered Margie from the Chicago office inquiring whether the popularity sales skills I was teaching would work in a social setting. I explained that I speak to more than a hundred audiences a year, so I didn’t remember Margie. Then she asked: Would practicing looking positive, upbeat, and pleasant make a woman more attractive to men? I said I was almost sure it would. She said, “That’s what you told Margie, and that’s why we’re here.”
I found out later that after I had given Margie that advice, she and half a dozen other single women in her company had decided to test my theory. They agreed to meet every Friday at lunch in one of the conference rooms to practice looking pleasant, friendly, and positive. After the first meeting, they decided it would be helpful to practice at home for a week before meeting again. The following Friday, each of them would role-play meeting three different men for the first time. The women critiqued one another’s performances and made suggestions for improvement.
They ran these meetings once a week for six weeks before they had to stop. Word had leaked out of what they were doing, and dozens of women began showing up—far too many for such an intimate format to work well.
These meetings were based on a handout I used when training salespeople. I had knocked off the handout in a few hours when a salesperson told me he had forgotten exactly what he should practice at home after going to one of my training sessions.
The little handout proved very helpful. Some salespeople used it to practice, whereas others read it over before a major presentation. Most agreed it taught them how to make a good first impression.
The importance of making a positive first impression on anyone—potential client or potential mate—cannot be emphasized enough. When we asked men who had just gotten engaged what attracted them to their fiancées when they first met, most said it was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were. Over and over, we heard answers such as, “She was so vivacious,” or “She was enthusiastic”—or “bubbly,” or “friendly.” “I was immediately attracted to her,” many of them told us. Interestingly, while 68 percent gave some sort of physical description of the woman they were about to marry, only about 20 percent of those men described their future wives as gorgeous or sexy, whereas more than 60 percent described their personalities. That was what attracted most of them in the first place. Even men who were marrying very beautiful women were more likely to emphasize their fiancée’s personality over her physical beauty. They typically said things such as:
“I took one look at her, and I knew she was the kind of person I wanted to be with.”
“She was so well mannered.”
“She was the kind of person any guy would be proud to be with.”
“She was enthusiastic.”
“She was so full СКАЧАТЬ