The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten. Martha Sears

Чтение книги онлайн.

      Play is part of discipline.

      Playing together gives your baby the message, “You are important to me”, a valuable feeling for growing self-esteem. Peek-a-boo, stacking blocks, doing puzzles, playing pretend helps you get behind the eyes of your child and view things from her perspective – a valuable discipline tool for you to learn. Play brings discipline down to earth. With the proliferation of parenting classes and the overemphasis on “techniques” of modern discipline, it’s easy for parents to get caught up in the science of discipline yet overlook the simplicity. Much of discipline is just being with your baby enjoying the simple things of life.

      5. Share Sleep with Your Baby

      Nighttime is scary for little people, but our usual Western custom is to separate parents and babies at night. We would like you to consider nighttime not as a block of time for you to finally get away from your baby but a special time when you can strengthen your connection. Every family needs to work out a sleeping arrangement where all sleep best, and we believe the nighttime environment that can best strengthen your parent-child attachment allows for baby sleeping near you – a style we call sharing sleep.

      Our observations over more than twenty years, our examination of studies of mother-infant sleep-sharing pairs, and our own studies on one of our babies lead us to conclude that a baby’s overall physiological system works better when baby sleeps next to mother. The cardio-respiratory system is more regulated, less stressed; therefore, baby is less stressed and thrives better.

      Besides these physical benefits, there are emotional benefits to the sleep-sharing pair. Babies show less anxiety. They feel right at night, just as they do during the day. The connection continues. Sleep-sharing babies get the message “I’m just as valuable to be next to at night as I am during the day. I belong to someone twenty-four hours a day.” For a mother who responds to her baby’s cues, breastfeeds, and wears her baby, sleep sharing naturally becomes part of the attachment package. Our daughter-in-law Diane, who is a new and very attached mother, said, “I can’t imagine us sleeping away from each other. Nighttime with Lea is our special time to be together without interference.”

      The time in your arms, at your breasts, and in your bed lasts a very short while in the life of a growing child, but the messages of love and security last a lifetime.

      6. Become a Facilitator

      At each stage of development, a child needs significant people who care about him and whom he cares about. These people act as facilitators, helping the child learn how to conduct himself in the world. A facilitator is like a consultant, a trusted authority figure who provides emotional refuelling to the child, a person to lean on who helps the child both develop his skills and take advantage of the resources around him with a view toward becoming self-sufficient. The facilitators don’t tell the child what to do; they help the child learn what to do. They don’t give commands; instead they take cues from the child and weave their wishes into the child’s wants. The child says, “I do it myself”; the facilitator says, “Yes, you can!” The facilitator watches for teachable moments and takes advantage of them. A wise disciplinarian in my practice describes her role as facilitator: “My job is to help my child glean from life’s experiences lessons he might not otherwise glean for himself.”