Working Wonders. Jenny Colgan

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СКАЧАТЬ Glasgow, Manchester, Amsterdam, Prague and Budapest. I wouldn’t bother with that last one, depending on how good your Hungarian is …’

      ‘Bit rusty, actually.’

      ‘Fine.’

      She eyed him over the wall of paper that now divided them.

      ‘Why don’t you get started?’

      ‘Sure,’ said Arthur, as if having to read fourteen thousand pages of the most mind-numbing information ever committed to paper was exactly the kind of thing he’d been dreaming about all these years.

      ‘Ehem, what will you be doing exactly?’

      Gwyneth stared at him. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘I think it’s best if you call a team meeting. Then we can outline all our roles. I’m going to be working on the bid with you. Get your best people.’

      Arthur stared at the pile of papers. He picked some up. He smelled them. He did not have a clue what to do with them. But, casting around, he noticed one thing – he had an intercom!

      He reached over and pressed a button. As soon as he started speaking, his voice boomed right back at him – he could hear it out on the main floor. Oh, this was cool. Resisting the immediate temptation to sing ‘Angels’, he coughed – nearly bursting the eardrums of anyone on the floor – and leaned forward to the speaker. Who were his best people? He chose to make a management decision and simply ask anyone he knew.

      ‘Er … Hello, everyone. This is Arthur … Um, could I see … Sven, Cathy … er … Gwyneth …’

      ‘I’m only in here,’ said Gwyneth, crossly opening the connecting door.

      ‘Marcus … Marcus … Um, if I think of anyone else I’ll say in a minute.’ There was a long pause. ‘Um, sorry. Can you come and see me in the conference room, please?’

      With trepidation, they filed in.

      ‘Sit down, everyone.’

      The group bustled around, looking at the table.

      ‘Anywhere special you want us to sit?’ asked Gwyneth.

      Arthur looked up, startled. ‘No, of course not. Sit wherever you like.’

      They seated themselves around Marcus, the finance director, whom they found safe, being the only person in the office who knew how to add up. He lived in a world of fake friendship and promises, as girls gave him lascivious winks if he promised to help them out with their expenses, and many pints were bought for him round about the March mark. Sandwiches sat at the end of the table.

      Looking round the room for the first time, Arthur realized, suddenly, that he didn’t care in the slightest. Whatever he did, this was it now. He was in charge. He was the boss. They were going to like him or – well, who liked their boss? Forget it. They were going to hate him, but they might respect him or they might not. He took a deep breath and began.

      ‘Well,’ he said. ‘Things have changed a bit round here.’

      Yes, that was obvious enough. He decided just to get down to it.

      ‘Okay … team. Here’s what we’re going to be doing.’

      He revealed the graphic overhead just as Gwyneth had done, and tried to garner the same level of dramatic enthusiasm.

      ‘Our new project,’ he announced, ‘is to take Coventry all the way to becoming European City of Culture!’

      There was dead silence round the table.

      ‘What’s that then?’ said Marcus.

      ‘Ehem … It’s whatever you want it to be,’ said Arthur. ‘We’re going to create the city of our imagination!’

      Gwyneth coughed discreetly.

      ‘Within certain highly defined boundaries, of course.’

      ‘It’s an urban rejuvenation project,’ said Gwyneth. Immediately, the eyelids of the entire room began to droop.

      ‘This … I cannot imagine the amount of money it would take to transform Coventry,’ said Marcus, wonderingly. ‘All of it?’

      ‘It’s to bring out the beauty of the city, make it a tourist attraction. Show its true colours.’

      ‘Those being what – grey, grey and dark-grey?’ joined in Sven.

      ‘What’s the slogan going to be?’ added Marcus. ‘“Coventry’s Crappily Better”?’

      ‘Come to Coventry … if you’re a cu—’

      ‘Is anyone else really missing Ross?’ said Cathy.

      ‘Yes, yes, okay, okay, calm down,’ said Arthur, the tips of his ears going red. This wasn’t starting well.

      ‘Gwyneth and I …’ This felt very odd to be saying, almost like ‘my wife and I’. ‘Gwyneth and I think you are the best team to take the project forward. I know it seems a huge, huge mountain to climb, but I really think we are in with a chance.’

      The room went silent as they all looked at him.

      ‘Any questions?’

      ‘Yes, one. Very important,’ said Marcus. ‘Are we going to get access to those executive snacks?’

      ‘Tea,’ said Gwyneth brightly. ‘Let’s all take a break for tea.’ And smiling like a primary school teacher, she hustled everyone out of the room towards a table which had been set up specially – with chocolate biscuits. The group fell on them with gusto. Gwyneth came back into the room, where Arthur was still standing.

      ‘They’re … they’re absolutely dreadful,’ she said, her face like thunder.

      ‘What?’ said Arthur. This woman was completely incomprehensible. ‘What is?’

      ‘Your so-called staff.’ She practically spat. ‘Is that bunch of work-shy cynics the best this office can do?’

      ‘That lot?’ Arthur looked at them. ‘But you’ve just given them all chocolate biscuits.’ He sat down. ‘I don’t think that will work particularly well as staff aversion training. Here – annoy Gwyneth. Have a biscuit!’

      ‘They’re like a bunch of children. And that Sven – he’s just a pig!’

      ‘Yeah, he is a pig,’ agreed Arthur. ‘A strange, ugly pig with superior logistical ability.’

      ‘For a man or a pig? That’s an important distinction.’

      ‘Go easy on him, Gwyneth – do you know he’s never had sex? ’Fessed up to the temp at the Christmas party, poor bastard. He’s a virgin.’

      ‘I’m not surprised.’ She shuddered. ‘Can you imagine …’

      ‘No,’ said Arthur quickly, trying very hard not to think about СКАЧАТЬ