Collins Improve Your Writing Skills. Graham King

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      GOBBLEDEGOOK

      That comment by poet Gavin Ewart refers to the propensity of ignorant people to witter and waffle and to inflate plain language into a meaningless, pretentious form of expression we recognise as gobbledegook (or gobbledygook).

      ‘Witter words’ are a key ingredient of gobbledook. Our language is liberally sprinkled with them – expressions that clog a sentence and add neither information nor meaning.

      In this, wittering and witter words differ from circumlocution, which adds information, but in the wrong order – usually delaying the main point. In our death notice for the Rev A M Bennett (see page) the reader has to plod through 53 words before arriving at ‘breathed his last’. But those 53 words did at least tell us the place and time of death, how long he had been a vicar, the name of the church, the extent of his influence and the reaction in his parish to the news.

      Witter words, on the other hand, tell us nothing. Some are more often heard in speech (especially speeches by pundits and politicians) but many appear in writing.

      For a classic example of wittering, loaded with witter words, we could hardly do better than this passage from a speech by former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke. Mr Hawke had so perfected his ability to say almost nothing in the maximum number of words that the style became known as ‘Hawkespeak’:

       And that tends to mean at times if you want to put it, there is no point in running away from it, it tends to mean at times that there’s a lack of specificity, or if you want to put it another way, there’s a range of options which are put which are there to accommodate that indisputable fact about the social democratic parties such as ours.

      National Times, November 22, 1985

      Here’s a compilation of witter words and phrases, many of which you’ll recognise:

      Witter Warning List

       as it were

      as such (as in according to the rules, as such, they do not preclude . . .)

      absolutely (typically used instead of yes)

       abundantly, abundantly clear

       actually

       all things being equal

       as a matter of fact

       as far as I am concerned

       as of right now

       at the end of the day

       at this moment in time

      a total of (as in a total of forty-two applicants instead of forty-two applicants)

       basically

       by definition

      by and large (has anyone ever worked out the meaning of this?)

       currently

       curiously enough

      during the period from (instead of from January 16 to . . .)

       each and every

       existing

       extremely

      funnily enough (usually precedes something that is not funny at all)

       good and proper

       good and ready

      having said that (get ready for the contradiction!)

       I am here to tell you

       I am of the opinion that

      I am the first to admit (how can you be so sure?)

       I have to say, here and now

       if you like

       in a manner of speaking

       in due course

       in other words

       in point of fact

       in the final analysis

       in view of the fact that

      it goes without saying that (but I’ll say it anyway)

      I would like to say (and I certainly will)

       I would like to take this opportunity to

       last but not least

       let me just say, right here and now

       let us just be clear about this

       may I make so bold as to say

       many a time; many’s the time that

       more than enough; more than a little

       never cease to wonder

       (to) name but a few

       needless to say

       no two ways about it

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