Bringing Metal To The Children: The Complete Berserker’s Guide to World Tour Domination. Rob Zombie

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СКАЧАТЬ continued my relentless pursuit of fondling those luscious melons and today we have three children . . . Fuck it—MERCILESS!

      Forever—We always say that Black Label is beyond forever. No one has ever been fired from or quit Black Label. Once you’re in, the door is always open. Long after I settle in for my dirt nap and I’m hangin’ up in God’s tavern, people will be listening to Black Label Society, wearing the colors and raising their glasses in the name of kick-ass music—some may argue that it would have to be no music that I’ve ever been part of.

      That’s the true essence of Black Label Society and its creed, SDMF. The creed is our foundation, and from that place of strength, the concepts continue to grow and develop. And with all of us fuckin’ idiots involved, it can also be interpreted as Stupid Dumb Mother Fucker—you included.

      

      The Three Black Label R’s: Revenge, Retaliation, Redemption

      FACE YOUR FEAR, ACCEPT YOUR WAR, IT IS WHAT IT IS. . .

      Being a Berzerker and part of the Black Label Society is also about accepting the responsibility of the Three Black Label R’s:

      Revenge—The idea is that you are taking revenge upon your failures through your own achievements. You’re not going around beating anyone’s ass or being a dick because you’re pissed off that you’re not succeeding at life—I do that. Remember, I’m the lead singer fronting this two-bit fucking operation.

      Nobody can make you fail; they can create more obstacles and force you to have to be more resourceful, but that just means you have to keep working it. Bottom line is that if you fail at something, if you get knocked down, then you gotta get the fuck back up and any desire for vengeance you feel has to be channeled through yourself into productive energy. Look at me; even with all the times I got shot down by Barbaranne I was still able to plow her sugar walls, dominate her baby maker, and bathe her in conquest enough times to kick out three children.

      Retaliation—Revenge is the energy and retaliation is the set of actions you take to exact that revenge. Again, always retaliate upon yourself, because you are the only one who can carry out the steps toward your goals. Lawsuits and jail are no fun.

      Redemption—Once you’ve sought revenge and followed through with your plan of retaliation, then you get to take home the prize, the redemption. You have succeeded; you’ve challenged yourself and come through on the other side. Face your fear and accept your war. It is what it is. And after all, life is a test and life is tough—let’s see how motherfucking tough you really are. Remember, nothing stuffs a behemoth brass-knuckled fist up your detractor’s ass more than when you succeed.

      I should actually add a fourth Black Label R: Remove—as in please remove JD from my life. Yep. Now there are four. Moving on.

      We pray for war and we pray for adversity, because we bleed for a challenge—something that’s bigger than us. You can either get discouraged and crawl into a corner and cry about it, or you can come out dick fuckin’ swinging. That goes for the ladies as well. Yeah. You heard me right. Around this camp, it’s not out of the ordinary to have a few of them motherfuckers rolling around—a nice round apple-bottom power-ass of doom—only to turn around swinging a cock bigger than the migraine I get from hanging out with JD.

      Remember, life’s a mountain and we’re either going over it, going around it, going through it, or completely dismantling it.

      Final score: Mountain—0, Black Label Order—1.

      

      Flying the Colors

      NOW, YOU’VE HEARD STUFF LIKE “THESE COLORS DON’T TOUCH THE ground,” like with the American flag and other patriotic or revered symbols. Well with Black Label, our colors do touch the ground. Sometimes it feels like they’ve been pounded into the ground and then shit on, but they always get back up again. The Black Label colors themselves represent family and unity. I’ve always referred to our fans as our fams. That’s what Black Label is, one gigantic extended family—something bigger than yourself and bigger than a band.

      Back Patches—The original BLS patch set started with a bowling ball and pins to represent all of the shenanigans and the true concept of Black Label—that of a secret Illuminati bowling society. We had the bowling ball and pins in the center, and then “Black Label” across the top and “Society” below. As the concept grew, more patches were added to the front of the vests. Eventually we came up with a few different back patches as well. Each patch reinforces a different virtue of the Berzerker.

      Skully—I chose Skully from an old medical manual, mostly because he looks like my favorite actress and the most handsome woman in show business—Bea Arthur. She ran the Golden Girls ship with an iron fist. There are numbers and locations on different areas of Skully. And the joke in our band has always been that the locations are the parts of your brain that are affected by booze, weed, painkillers, and stuff like that—not that we take any of that shit. One time someone in the Doom Crew suggested that the two circles and shaft near the top of the head look like a set of cock ’n’ balls on Skully’s forehead. And it’s ironic, because JD often accuses us of tea-bagging him while he’s sleeping on the bus. The problem is that his only proof is having a forehead that smells like an unwashed nut sac—that could come from anywhere. Between all the cock pumps (which you’ll be hearing about later) and all the jerkin’ off and porn that goes on in this outfit, I guess we really do have cock ’n’ balls on the brain!

      If you take a look at the lyrics in the song “Berzerkers” (Drinking, puking, pissing, and fighting—Starting all over again), that’s the way the guys live. With the amount of pain pills going down, the amount of booze, and God only knows what else flyin’ around, things get a little crazy. But in the end, no matter how banged up you get, you gotta answer the bell the next day. That’s how the acronym GIFD was born.

      GIFD—Get It Fucking Done. Elvis coined the acronym TCB, “Taking Care of Business.” He had the lightning bolt going through the TCB. We added the lightning bolt going through Skully on the GIFD patch, in the spirit of the King and out of respect for the Memphis Mafia. It’s a way to pay homage to Elvis’s work ethic and his relentlessness in keeping his operation moving forward. No matter what obstacles he faced, how many zeppelins jam-packed with narcotics flew into Graceland, how many televisions he shot, or how many late-night fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches he devoured, the King was pure Black Label, always getting it fuckin’ done.

      Chapters—The chapter patches identify where each Berzerker lives. Mine says “Los Angeles Chapter.” JD is in the Jersey chapter. Nick is in the Pittsburgh chapter—you get the picture. The idea is that a couple of guys from the same chapter can meet up, start a bowling team, come up with a cure for children’s cancer, end up millionaires, and bring joy to countless families across the globe. Or you can end up just like JD and his chapter—shoot heroin, share dirty needles, and bitch and moan that you all got nothin’ except that you’re in the same chapter and you now have the same blood type.

      Berzerker Casket—Once you’re a Berzerker, you’re a lifer, as long as you’re bleedin’ СКАЧАТЬ