Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения. Сборник
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СКАЧАТЬ trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”

      The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”

      • This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?

      2. “But why (но почему),” demanded (спросил) the puzzled judge (сбитый с толку судья) of the burglar (у грабителя) standing before (стоящего перед /ним/), “did you break (вы влезали; to break-broke-broken – ломать) into the same store three nights running (в один и тот же магазин три ночи подряд; to run – бежать; здесь: следовать)?”

      “Well, Judge, it's like this (это было так),” was the reply (был ответ). “I picked out a dress for my wife (я взял: «подобрал/подцепил» платье для моей жены; to pick – выбирать; подбирать; отбирать) and I had to change it twice (а затем мне пришлось поменять его дважды).”

      demanded [dɪ'mɑ:ndɪd], burglar ['bɜ:ɡlǝ], break [breɪk]

      “But why,” demanded the puzzled judge of the burglar standing before, “did you break into the same store three nights running?”

      “Well, Judge, it's like this,” was the reply. “I picked out a dress for my wife and I had to change it twice.”

      • I picked out a dress for my wife and I had to change it twice.

      3. Sherlock Holmes and his friend Watson (Шерлок Холмс и его друг Ватсон) were on a camping and hiking trip (были в палаточном походе; to hike – путешествовать; ходить пешком; бродяжничать).

      They had gone to bed (они легли спать: «пошли в кровать»; to go-went-gone) and were lying there (и лежали «там») looking up at the sky (смотря «вверх» на небо).

      Holmes said, “Watson, look up. What do you see (Ватсон, посмотрите наверх; что вы видите)?”

      “Well, I see thousands of stars (я вижу тысячи звезд).”

      “And what does that mean to you (и что это значит, по-вашему = о чем вам это говорит)?”

      “Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow (мне кажется, это значит, что у нас завтра будет очередной хороший денек). What does it mean to you, Holmes?”

      “To me, it means someone has stolen our tent (что кто-то стащил нашу палатку; to steel-stole-stolen – красть).”

      friend [frend], mean [mi:n]

      Sherlock Holmes and his friend Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.

      They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, “Watson, look up. What do you see?”

      “Well, I see thousands of stars.”

      “And what does that mean to you?”

      “Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?”

      “To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.”

      • And what does that mean to you?

      4. On a rural road (на проселочной дороге) a state trooper (конный полицейский) pulled this farmer over (остановил /машину/ фермера) and said: “Sir, do you realize (сэр, вы понимаете/знаете) your wife fell out of the car several miles back (что ваша супруга выпала из машины несколько миль «назад»; to fall-fell-fallen – падать)?”

      To which the farmer replied (на что фермер ответил), “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf (слава Богу, /а то/ я подумал, я стал глухим = оглох; to think)!”

      rural ['rʋǝr(ǝ)l], realize ['rɪǝlaɪz], several ['sev(ǝ)r(ǝ)l], replied [rɪ'plaɪd], deaf [def]

      On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?”

      To which the farmer replied, “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

      • Thank God!

      5. Old farmer Johnson was dying (старый фермер Джонсон умирал). The family was standing around his bed (семья стояла вокруг его постели). With a low voice he said to his wife (тихим голосом он сказал своей жене): “When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones (когда я умру, я хочу, чтобы ты вышла за фермера Джонса).”

      Wife (жена): “No, I can't marry anyone after you (нет, я не смогу выйти ни за кого после тебя).”

      Johnson: “But I want you to (но я хочу, чтобы ты это сделала).”

      Wife: “But why (но почему)?”

      Johnson: “Jones once cheated СКАЧАТЬ