Bentley's Miscellany, Volume II. Various
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Название: Bentley's Miscellany, Volume II

Автор: Various

Издательство: Public Domain

Жанр: Зарубежная классика

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СКАЧАТЬ the same firm, "Clipclose and company."

(A heavy footstep is heard, and a sword strikes against the stairs. Enter the Captain, whistling "Darby Kelly.")

      Miss S. (flies into his arms.) – My own loved Guardsman, and my fancy beau.

      Oh, Terence Connor! (Kissing him.)

      Capt. (embracing her.) – Sweet Juliana, O!

      Miss S.– Why did you dally, dearest; tell me all?

      Were you on guard?

      Capt. Yes, sweetest, at Whitehall.

      Miss S.– Ah, you false man, – (taps his cheek playfully,) – I'll watch you close.

(Somebody sneezes within.)

      Capt. What's that?

      Miss S.– Nothing, dear Terence, but the landlord's cat.

(Somebody coughs twice.)

      Capt.– A cough! – another! Do cats cough so, my fair?

      Ha! her cheeks redden! Tell me who is there?

      That guilty look! Zounds! If my fears be true,

      He'll curse the hour he dared to visit you!

(Draws his sword, and rushes into the bed-chamber. Miss S. faints. Voices within.)

      Capt.– A man! – my eyes! another! – and another!

      A fourth one still!

      Snags. I'm dead with fright!

      Pop. I smother!

(Capt. drives them before him into the drawing-room.)

      Capt. (in a frenzy.) – Why, hell and Tommy! the maid whom I adore

      To prove untrue, and play me false with four!

      But all shall die!

(Captain Connor cuts No. 6. with his sword, while Clipclose and company fall upon their knees.)

      Mags. Oh, Lord! I'm dead already!

      Capt.– Prepare for death!

      Snags and Pop. Indeed, sir, we an't ready.

      Mr. C.– Probably, sir, affection for my wife

      Might plead my pardon, and reprieve my life.

(Enter, hastily, Mrs. Clipclose and Annette.)

      Mrs. C.– Why, what's all this? What do my eyes discover?

      An errant husband, and a truant lover!

      (Aside to Mr. C.) – Was it for this I gave my faith to you?

      (Aside to Capt. C.) – Was it for this I drove you out to Kew,

      Paid cab and lunch, brown stout, and ruin blue?

(Capt. C. drops the point of his sword, and evinces great contrition for attempting the lives of the company, when enter an elderly pieman with a juvenile dealer in "all-hots," attended by two policemen. Pieman identifies Miss Smashaway.)

      Pieman.– That 'ere flash madam hit me in the withers.

      All-hot (pointing to Mr. Clipclose).– And that cove knock'd my kitchen-range to shivers!

      Mr. C. (to Policeman.) – Let me explain, sir.

      Miss S. Pray, sir, let me speak.

      Policeman.– Silence! and keep your gammon for the beak.

(A rumbling noise heard underneath, attended by a disagreeable vapour.)

      Policeman.– Zounds! what is this? it smothers me almost.

      Is it the gas-pipe?

      Capt. C. No, dash my wig! a ghost!

(Slow music. Apparition of Old Clipclose rises through the stage, dressed in a white shirt, and scarlet nightcap.)

      Roundelay —Ghost and Company.

      ("Good morrow to you, Madam Joan.")

Ghost

      All in the family way,

      Whack-fal-li, fal-la-di-day!

      Are you met here to take tea?

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

      Or is it love-making you're come?

      Tol-de-re-lol, &c.

      Or to keep clear away from a bum?

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

Miss S

      Oh, no, sir! we're going to jail,

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

      Unless, Mister Ghost, you'll go bail,

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

Policeman

      A spectre, Miss S. will not do,

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

(To the Ghost.)

      Where the blazes! should we look for you?

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

(Enter Capt. C's four wives.)1st Wife

      Ah, Terry, you traitor, you're there!

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

2nd Wife

      As usual, deceiving the fair!

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

3rd Wife

      You'll pay dear enough for your pranks!

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

4th Wife

      You're broke, and reduced to the ranks!

      Whack-fal-li, &c.

(Capt. C. seems thunderstruck, grinds his teeth passionately, then strikes his forehead, and sings.)Air —Capt. C.– ("The night before Larey was stretch'd.")Capt. C

      By St. Patrick, I'm done for, at last!

      From a captain come down to a private.

      Terry Connor, your glory is past;

      A very nice pass to arrive at!

      (To the Ghost.)

      I say, you old rum-looking swell,

      I would deem it a favour, and civil,

      In spite of your sulphur'ous smell,

      To take me down stairs to the devil,

      And get me a troop in his guards.

       Ghost (to the Capt.) – Shut your potato-trap! we still refuse —

      The corps's so moral – Life-Guardsmen and Blues.

      4th Wife.– Cheer up, my Connor; 'twas in jest I spoke,

      When I affirm'd my best beloved was broke.

      Ghost (addressing the company).– Ladies and Gemmen, give the ghost a hearance,

      As this, his first, must be his last appearance.

      (To Mr. and Mrs. Clipclose) – Bent upon wedlock, and an heir, to vex ye,

      If toasted cheese had not brought apoplexy,

      I died asleep, and left my hard-won riches;

      Search the left pocket of my dark drab breeches;

      Open the safe, and there you'll find my will;

      Deal for cash only and stick to Ludgate-hill;

      Watch the apprentices, and lock the till;

      And СКАЧАТЬ