Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, Vol. 66, No 409, November 1849. Various

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СКАЧАТЬ had entertained me hospitably and handsomely. Yet this was the same Gingham who, when I made him take part of my beefsteak at breakfast, because his own was delayed, proposed that we should desire the waiter to tell the landlady to charge only half a beefsteak to me, and half a beefsteak to him, Gingham. My rejection of this proposal was the immediate occasion of the dinner, at which the reader has just been present.

      While we were eviscerating the papers, fresh from London, Gingham leaned over the table, with the air of a man who had something important to communicate. He looked me earnestly in the face.

      "Mr Y – ," said he, "what do you say – to a red herring – this evening – for supper?"

      "Thank you. You must excuse me. Nothing more to-night, but one cup of coffee, and perhaps a cigar. Not even an anchovy toast. I really couldn't."

      "Well, then," said Gingham, "to-morrow at breakfast. We will engage a room up stairs, and ask leave of nobody. I have brought down a small barrel from London – always take some when I visit the Peninsula – get them in Lower Thames Street. You will pronounce them excellent."

      The offer was too good to be declined.

      Next morning we ordered breakfast up stairs. Indeed, a fire had been lit in one of the parlours, by Gingham's directions; and there I found him, with the table laid, and the herrings ready for cooking. Gingham had secured a small Dutch oven; not with the design of baking the herrings – no, no, he knew better than that – but to keep them hot when done. The doing he reserved to himself, on the plea of experience. I was not to assist, except in eating them.

      "Do you understand cookery, Mr Y – ?" said Gingham.

      I ingenuously owned my deficiency in that branch of education, which is no part of the Cambridge curriculum.

      "Three months at headquarters," said he, "will make you an excellent cook."

      It so happened that the parlour, in which we had located ourselves for the purpose of cooking our herrings, was not that in which we had dined the day before, but one adjoining the larger apartment occupied by the three military gentlemen, with whom we were to cross the Bay of Biscay. A boarding, removable at pleasure, was the only separation between the two rooms. We had not yet become acquainted.

      Shortly after I joined Gingham, two of the three entered their parlour; presently the third followed. They rang the bell, and ordered breakfast, all in high good humour, and talking incessantly. We were not listeners, but could not help hearing every word that was said.

      "Good blow-out that, yesterday." – "Pity we didn't know of it sooner; might as well have dined with them." – "Turtle, too." – "'Pon your honour?" – "Turtle, and lots of champagne. Caught the waiter swigging off the end of a bottle in the passage." – "Who are they?" – "Don't know; can't make them out. Both going out with us in the packet, though." – "Think I remember seeing the white fellow at Cadiz; almost sure I did; and afterwards again at Madrid. Always wore his hair in that way, well floured and larded, except when it was too hot, and combed down straight on each side of his ugly face." – "What a nose! Prodigious! A regular proboscis." – "Yes, and all on one side, like the rudder of a barge." – "Let me tell you, a very good thing; for if it was straight, it would be always in his way." – "Always in his way? Why it would trip him up when he walked." —Omnes, "Ha, ha, ha." – "Going with us, do you say? Hope he don't snore. Why, such a tromba as that would keep a whole line-of-battle ship awake." – "Bet you a dollar he's blind of one eye." – "Done." "Done. Book it, major." – "I'll trouble you for a dollar. He does walk a little sideways, but it isn't his eye." – "What is it, then? One-eyed people always walk sideways." – "Why, I'll tell you, now. It's a principle which most people observe through life." – "What principle?" – "Guess." – "Come, tell us, old fellow. None of your nonsense." – "D'ye give it up?" – "Yes, I give it up. Come, tell us." – "Follow your nose." —Omnes, "Ha, ha, ha." – "Capital! capital! That's the best we've had for some time. Follow your nose! Capital! Ha, ha, ha." – "Well, that's it, depend upon it. Other people follow their noses by walking straight forward. That white fellow walks sideways, but still follows his nose." – "No, no, major. Your theory is fallacious. When he walks his nose points backwards. His nose points over his left shoulder, and he walks right shoulders forward." I looked at Gingham, and laughed. Gingham was looking rather grave, and feeling his nose. "No, no. I tell you he walks left shoulders forward." – "Bet you a dollar." – "Done." – "Done. Book it, major." – "I'll trouble you for a dollar. Saw him this morning, all in a bustle. Took particular notice of his nose." – "Who is the young chap?" – "Oh, he's a regular Johnny Newcome, that's evident." – "Johnny Newcome? Yes; but I wish he wasn't such a chap for john dories. Price in the market is doubled." Gingham laughed and looked at me. "Suppose he's a sub going out to join his regiment." – "No, no. Got such lots of baggage. No regimental officer would be ass enough to take such a heap of trunks. Load for three mules." – "He'll soon knock up. Those long fellows always knock up." – "Shouldn't wonder if he gets the fever next autumn. Then what will his mammy say?" – "Well, but what did they dine about? Thousand pities we did not join them." – "Oh, I suppose it was something of a parting feed; taking leave of Old England, you know: toasting Miss Ann Chovy, Miss Mary Gold, Miss Polly Anthus, and all that kind of thing." – "Hang it all; a good dinner for eight people; thousand pities we missed it."

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      1

      Prison Report 1848, p. 73.

      2

      In 1848, the number committed for serious offences was 73,770.

      3

      See the "Increase of Crime, and Imprisonment, and Transportation," Blackwood's Magazine, May and July 1844, vol. lv. p. 532, and vol. lvi. p. 1.

      4

      Table showing the number of commitments for serious offences in the undermentioned years in England, Scotland, and Ireland: —

      5

      Brougham's

1

Prison Report 1848, p. 73.

2

In 1848, the number committed for serious offences was 73,770.

3

See the "Increase of Crime, and Imprisonment, and Transportation," Blackwood's Magazine, May and July СКАЧАТЬ