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By meditating at his leisure on the great truths of Christianity, and especially on the mysteries of our Saviour, according to the method of Ignatius, he was wholly changed into another man; and the humility of the cross appeared to him more amiable than all the glories of the world. These new insights caused him, without the least repugnance, to refuse a canonry of Pampeluna, which was offered him at that time, and was very considerable, both in regard of the profits and of the dignity. He formed also, during his solitude, the design of glorifying God by all possible means, and of employing his whole life for the salvation of souls.
On these foundations, having finished the course of philosophy which he read, and which had lasted three years and a half, according to the custom of those times, he studied in divinity, by the counsel of Ignatius, whose scholar he openly declared himself to be.
In the mean time, Ignatius, who found in himself an inward call to the Holy-Land, for the conversion of Jews and Infidels, discovered his intentions to Xavier, which he had already communicated to Le Fevre, and four other learned young men, who had embraced his form of life.
All the seven engaged themselves, by promise to each other, and by solemn vows to God Almighty, to forsake their worldly goods, and undertake a voyage to Jerusalem; or in case that, in the compass of a year, they could not find an accommodation of passing the seas, that they would cast themselves at the feet of our holy Father, for the service of the church, into whatever part of the world he would please to send them.
They made these vows at Montmartre, on the day of our Lady's assumption, in the year 1534. That holy place, which has been watered with the blood of martyrs, and where their bodies are still deposited, inspired a particular devotion into Xavier, and possessed him with a fervent desire of martyrdom.
Towards the end of the year following, he went from Paris, in the company of Le Fevre, Laynez, Salmeron, Rodriguez, Bobadilla, and three other divines, whom Le Fevre had gained in the absence of Ignatius, who, for important reasons, was obliged to go before, and who was waiting for them at Venice.
Somewhat before their departure, Xavier, who was sometimes too far transported by the fervency of his soul, had tied his arms and thighs with little cords, to mortify himself, for some kind of vain satisfaction which he took in out-running and over-leaping his young companions; for he was very active; and, amongst all the recreations used by scholars, he liked none but the exercises of the body.
Though the cords were very straight about him, yet he imagined they would not hinder him from travelling on foot. But he had scarcely begun his journey, when he was taken with extreme pains. He bore them as well as he was able; and dissembled them, till his strength failed him. His motion had swelled his thighs, and indented the cords so deep into his flesh, that they were hardly visible; insomuch that the chirurgeons, to whom his fellows discovered them, plainly said, that any incisions which could be made, would serve only to increase his pains, and that the ill was incurable.
In this dangerous conjuncture, Le Fevre, Laynez, and the rest, had recourse to Almighty God, and not in vain. Xavier waking the next morning, found the cords fallen down, the swelling wholly taken away from his thighs, and the marks of the cords only remaining on his flesh. They joined in actions of thanksgiving to the Almighty, for his providential care already shewn in their behalf; and though the ways were very rugged, in the inclemency of that season, yet they cheerfully pursued their journey.
Xavier was serviceable to his companions on all occasions, and was always beforehand with them in the duties of charity; whether it were, that, being naturally officious, and of a warm temper, he was more eager to employ himself for them; or that his health, miraculously restored, rendered him more obliging and charitable towards those by whose prayers it was recovered.
When they were arrived at Venice, their breathings were only after the holy places. Ignatius, whom they were ravished to see again, and whom they acknowledged for their common father, was of opinion, that while they were waiting the opportunity of going to receive the Pope's blessing for their voyage to Jerusalem, each of them should employ himself on works of charity, in the hospitals of the town.
Xavier, whose lot fell in the hospital of the incurable, was not satisfied only with busying himself all day, in dressing sick men's sores, in making their beds, and doing them more inferior service, but also passed whole nights in watching by them. But his care and pains were not confined to the succour of their bodies. Though he was wholly ignorant of the Italian tongue, he frequently spoke of God to them; and, above all things, exhorted the greatest libertines to repentance, by causing them to comprehend, in the best manner he was able, that though their corporal maladies were incurable, yet the diseases of their souls were not so; that how enormous soever our offences were, we ought always to rely on God's mercy; and that a desire of being sincerely converted, was only requisite in sinners for obtaining the grace of their conversion.
One of these sick alms-men had an ulcer, which was horrible to the sight, but the noisomeness of the stench was yet more insupportable; every one shunned the miserable creature, not enduring so much as to approach him; and Xavier once found a great repugnance in himself to attend him: but at the same time, he called to his remembrance a maxim of Ignatius, that we make no progress in virtue, but by vanquishing ourselves; and that the occasion of making a great sacrifice, was too precious to be lost. Being fortified with these thoughts, and encouraged by the example of St Catharine de Sienna, which came into his mind, he embraced the sick person, applied his mouth to the ulcer, surmounted his natural loathing, and sucked out the corruption. At the same moment his repugnance vanished; and after that, he had no farther trouble in the like cases: of so great importance it is to us, once to have thoroughly overcome ourselves.
Two months were passed away in these exercises of charity. After which he set forward on his journey to Rome with the other disciples of Ignatius, who himself stayed behind alone at Venice. They underwent great hardships in their way. It rained continually, and bread was often wanting to them, even when their strength was wasted. Xavier encouraged his companions, and sustained himself by that apostolic spirit with which God replenished him from that time forwards, and which already made him in love with pain and sufferings.
Being arrived at Rome, his first care was to visit the churches, and to consecrate himself to the ministry of the gospel, upon the sepulchre of the holy apostles. He had the opportunity of speaking more than once before the Pope: for the whole company of them being introduced into the Vatican, by Pedro Ortiz, that Spanish doctor whom they had formerly known at Paris, and whom the emperor had sent to Rome for the affair concerning the marriage of Catharine of Arragon, queen of England, Paul the Third, who was a lover of learning, and who was pleased to be entertained at his table with the conversation of learned men, commanded that these strangers, whose capacity he had heard so extremely praised, should be admitted to see him for many days successively; and that in his presence they should discourse concerning divers points of school-divinity.
Having received the benediction of our holy father for their voyage to the Holy Land, and obtained the permission for those amongst them who were not in sacred orders, to receive them, they returned to Venice. Xavier there made his vows of poverty and perpetual chastity, together with the rest, in the hands of Jeronimo Veralli, the Pope's nuncio; and having again taken up his post in the hospital of the incurable, he resumed his offices of charity, which his journey to Rome had constrained him to interrupt, and continued in those exercises till the time of his embarkment.
In the mean time, the war which was already kindled betwixt the Venetians and the Turk, had broken the commerce of the Levant, and stopt the passage to the Holy Land; insomuch, that the ship of the pilgrims of Jerusalem went not out that year, according to the former custom.
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