Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green. Jerome Klapka Jerome

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СКАЧАТЬ a woman’s heart, and that is the biggest side in all good women.

      Suddenly however, the door opened. The countess appeared, and sentiment flew out. Lord C-, releasing Mary, sprang back, looking like a guilty school-boy.

      “I thought I heard Miss Sewell go out,” said her ladyship in the icy tones that had never lost their power of making her son’s heart freeze within him. “I want to see you when you are free.”

      “I shan’t be long,” stammered his lordship. “Mary – Miss Sewell is just going.”

      Mary waited without moving until the countess had left and closed the door behind her. Then she turned to her lover and spoke in quick, low tones.

      “Give me her address – the girl they want you to marry!”

      “What are you going to do?” asked his lordship.

      “I don’t know,” answered the girl, “but I’m going to see her.”

      She scribbled the name down, and then said, looking the boy squarely in the face:

      “Tell me frankly, Jack, do you want to marry me, or do you not?”

      “You know I do, Mary,” he answered, and his eyes spoke stronger than his words. “If I weren’t a silly ass, there would be none of this trouble. But I don’t know how it is; I say to myself I’ll do, a thing, but the mater talks and talks and – ”

      “I know,” interrupted Mary with a smile. “Don’t argue with her, fall in with all her views, and pretend to agree with her.”

      “If you could only think of some plan,” said his lordship, catching at the hope of her words, “you are so clever.”

      “I am going to try,” answered Mary, “and if I fail, you must run off with me, even if you have to do it right before your mother’s eyes.”

      What she meant was, “I shall have to run off with you,” but she thought it better to put it the other way about.

      Mary found her involuntary rival a meek, gentle little lady, as much under the influence of her blustering father as was Lord C- under that of his mother. What took place at the interview one can only surmise; but certain it is that the two girls, each for her own ends, undertook to aid and abet one another.

      Much to the surprised delight of their respective parents, there came about a change in the attitude hitherto assumed towards one another by Miss Clementina Hodskiss and Lord C-. All objections to his lordship’s unwilling attentions were suddenly withdrawn by the lady. Indeed, so swift to come and go are the whims of women, his calls were actually encouraged, especially when, as generally happened, they coincided with the absence from home of Mr. and Mrs. Hodskiss. Quite as remarkable was the new-born desire of Lord C- towards Miss Clementina Hodskiss. Mary’s name was never mentioned, and the suggestion of immediate marriage was listened to without remonstrance. Wiser folk would have puzzled their brains, but both her ladyship and ex-Contractor Hodskiss were accustomed to find all things yield to their wishes. The countess saw visions of a rehabilitated estate, and Clementina’s father dreamed of a peerage, secured by the influence of aristocratic connections. All that the young folks stipulated for (and on that point their firmness was supernatural) was that the marriage should be quiet, almost to the verge of secrecy.

      “No beastly fuss,” his lordship demanded. “Let it be somewhere in the country, and no mob!” and his mother, thinking she understood his reason, patted his cheek affectionately.

      “I should like to go down to Aunt Jane’s and be married quietly from there,” explained Miss Hodskiss to her father.

      Aunt Jane resided on the outskirts of a small Hampshire village, and “sat under” a clergyman famous throughout the neighbourhood for having lost the roof to his mouth.

      “You can’t be married by that old fool,” thundered her father – Mr. Hodskiss always thundered; he thundered even his prayers.

      “He christened me,” urged Miss Clementina.

      “And Lord knows what he called you. Nobody can understand a word he says.”

      “I’d like him to marry me,” reiterated Miss Clementina.

      Neither her ladyship nor the contractor liked the idea. The latter in particular had looked forward to a big function, chronicled at length in all the newspapers. But after all, the marriage was the essential thing, and perhaps, having regard to some foolish love passages that had happened between Clementina and a certain penniless naval lieutenant, ostentation might be out of place.

      So in due course Clementina departed for Aunt Jane’s, accompanied only by her maid.

      Quite a treasure was Miss Hodskiss’s new maid.

      “A clean, wholesome girl,” said of her Contractor Hodskiss, who cultivated affability towards the lower orders; “knows her place, and talks sense. You keep that girl, Clemmy.”

      “Do you think she knows enough?” hazarded the maternal Hodskiss.

      “Quite sufficient for any decent woman,” retorted the contractor. “When Clemmy wants painting and stuffing, it will be time enough for her to think about getting one of your ‘Ach Himmels’ or ‘Mon Dieus’.”

      “I like the girl myself immensely,” agreed Clementina’s mother. “You can trust her, and she doesn’t give herself airs.”

      Her praises reached even the countess, suffering severely at the moment from the tyranny of an elderly Fraulein.

      “I must see this treasure,” thought the countess to herself. “I am tired of these foreign minxes.”

      But no matter at what cunning hour her ladyship might call, the “treasure” always happened for some reason or other to be abroad.

      “Your girl is always out when I come,” laughed the countess. “One would fancy there was some reason for it.”

      “It does seem odd,” agreed Clementina, with a slight flush.

      Miss Hodskiss herself showed rather than spoke her appreciation of the girl. She seemed unable to move or think without her. Not even from the interviews with Lord C- was the maid always absent.

      The marriage, it was settled, should be by licence. Mrs. Hodskiss made up her mind at first to run down and see to the preliminaries, but really when the time arrived it hardly seemed necessary to take that trouble. The ordering of the whole affair was so very simple, and the “treasure” appeared to understand the business most thoroughly, and to be willing to take the whole burden upon her own shoulders. It was not, therefore, until the evening before the wedding that the Hodskiss family arrived in force, filling Aunt Jane’s small dwelling to its utmost capacity. The swelling figure of the contractor, standing beside the tiny porch, compelled the passer-by to think of the doll’s house in which the dwarf resides during fair-time, ringing his own bell out of his own first-floor window. The countess and Lord C- were staying with her ladyship’s sister, the Hon. Mrs. J-, at G- Hall, some ten miles distant, and were to drive over in the morning. The then Earl of – was in Norway, salmon fishing. Domestic events did not interest him.

      Clementina complained of a headache after dinner, and went to bed early. The “treasure” also was indisposed. She seemed worried and excited.

      “That girl is as eager about the thing,” СКАЧАТЬ