Untitled Adam Baron 2. Adam Baron

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      ‘So? And why is he, anyway?’

      ‘Auntie Janet wanted us to meet him properly. We’ll do steak another—’

      ‘Are you a complete imbecile?’ Juni hissed. ‘Or just a partial one? Steak has to be on Thursday to replenish my depleted protein stocks after fencing! And anyway, I’m not putting something in my body that looks like it just came out of someone else’s!!’

      ‘Juniper,’ Mum hissed. ‘Don’t be so rude!’

      ‘What? You can’t tell me off.’ PING!

      ‘Well, someone should,’ said Mum.

      ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ said Auntie Mill, flashing round to Mum. ‘It’s up to me to discipline her.’

      ‘Then why don’t you?’ Mum said. (PING! PING!) ‘The way she speaks to people! If she ever does actually speak to people, instead of just spending all day –’ PING! PING! PING! PING! PING! PING! – ‘OH! If she were my daughter I’d—’

      ‘Hello, everyone!’ came a cheerful voice from the head of the table.

      That stopped Mum and Auntie Mill. We all looked round but there was no explanation – until Auntie Mill’s iPad came alive.

      ‘Uncle Chris!’ I shouted.

      My Uncle Chris was on the screen, squinting into the camera. (It explained why Auntie Mill needed the Internet.) He had a napkin tucked in his shirt and behind him I could just make out tables and chairs with people at them. Wherever he was, it was noisy.

      ‘Cymbo!’ he answered, before looking round. ‘Are you there? Groovy. Oh, there’s lot’s of you.’

      ‘This is Stephan,’ I said. ‘Though normally only on Fridays.’

      ‘Right. Welcome, Stephan. I think we’ve actually met, haven’t we? Sorry I can’t be there.’ Uncle Chris held out his hand. Stephan did the same and they did a mid-air virtual shake. Then Uncle Chris turned to Juni.

      ‘Pickle!’

      ‘I’VE TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!’

      ‘Sorry. And sorry not to be there. But this’ll do, won’t it?’

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