The Runaway Woman. Josephine Cox

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СКАЧАТЬ his sorry gaze on the table. ‘I still find it so hard, Nance. Some days I wonder if I can actually get through it, but then somehow I do. My main worry at the moment is Cassie. I know I have to be strong for her. I can’t and won’t desert her, even though she’s turned her back on me.’

      ‘She hasn’t turned her back on you – not altogether. When she decided to go to her aunt Ellie’s house for a time, she did leave you a note to explain, didn’t she?’

      ‘Yes, she did, but I would rather she had discussed it with me first.’

      ‘But she did leave most of her worldly belongings at home, didn’t she?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘And when you rang Ellie, didn’t Cassie come to the phone and talk with you?’

      Dave smiled. ‘Yes, but like I told you, when we talked it was too polite; too difficult. The thing is, she would not be drawn into talking about her mum, nor would she say when she might be coming home.’

      Nancy spelled it out for him. ‘Stop punishing yourself, and look on the positive side. Ellie said yes when Cassie asked to live with her for a time. Be glad of that, Dave, because if she had not gone to your sister-in-law, who knows where she might have ended up?’

      ‘She should have come home with me,’ Dave reminded her gently. ‘That’s where she belongs. That’s where her mum would want her to be.’

      Nancy made no comment. Instead, she continued, ‘Remember, when you got home, you found she had left you a note explaining how she felt, and that you should not worry about her. She also left behind a lot of her prized possessions, so that tells you she does mean to come home at some point. It also shows that she does love you.’

      ‘I understand all of that, but she won’t let me get close, Nance. She blames me, and she will never forgive me … but how can I blame her for that, when I can’t even forgive myself?’

      When the powerful memories flooded back to cripple him, he leaned forward, running his clenched fists through his thick, dark hair. ‘She’s my daughter, Nance. With her mother gone, Cassie is everything to me. I need her! And whether she realises it or not, she needs me.’

      Nancy laid her hand over his. ‘Cassie will eventually accept that the accident was not your fault. The driver was drunk out of his mind. Thankfully, he’s in prison now, where he belongs. Don’t take Cassie’s decision too much to heart. It has been just a year since Molly was killed, and neither you nor Cassie has been able to deal with it completely. I know it’s difficult, for both of you … for all of us! But you must pick up the pieces and live your lives. It’s what Molly would have wanted.’

      ‘I know that.’ He looked up, his face worn with grief. ‘It’s never easy, though. Losing Molly was the hardest, cruellest thing ever. Cassie is just nineteen, and she’s been left without her mum. It’s like her world has ended.’ He added softly, ‘Mine too. So, you can imagine, trying to live our lives without her is incredibly difficult.’

      ‘Do you think I don’t know that? But Cassie must realise the blame is not on your shoulders. That’s too cruel.’

      ‘She doesn’t blame me for the accident itself,’ Dave explained, ‘she blames me for persuading Molly to meet up with my old schoolmates. I hadn’t seen them in years and then I had a call from Stuart. He said they were staying overnight in town, before heading off in the morning for Scotland. I was thrilled, but Molly didn’t really want to go out that evening. In the end she got herself ready because she felt guilty.’

      He took a moment to compose himself. ‘If only I hadn’t persuaded Molly to come and meet them, we would never have been on that stretch of road, on that particular night, and Molly would still be here with us.’ His voice dropped to a whisper. ‘When that madman careered into us, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.’

      ‘Not your fault, though! Cassie will see that in good time. Give her the space she needs, and I’m sure she’ll come round.’

      ‘I’m not sure, Nance.’ Dave had lost hope on that score. ‘It’s been months now. After the funeral, she walked away from me, and turned to Molly’s sister, Ellie. Ellie now tells me that Cassie has confided that she can’t ever again face living in her own home. I think I should sell up, if that’s what she truly wants. But we need to talk about it. I believe we might be able to get through this together.’

      ‘Be patient, Dave.’ Nancy squeezed his fist. ‘Just keep in contact with Cassie, and respect her wishes. If you can do that, I know it won’t be long before you and Cassie are stronger than ever.’

      ‘Nance?’

      ‘Yes?’

      ‘Thank you.’

      ‘What for?’

      ‘For listening.’

      ‘Don’t be silly! Isn’t that what big sisters are for?’

      Changing the subject, she began flicking through the pages of the menu. ‘I’m hungry.’

      As she bent her head low to peruse the menu, Dave noticed how she narrowed her eyes, struggling to read the small print.

      ‘Nance!’

      ‘What?’

      ‘Let me see.’

      Irritated, she thrust the menu across the table. ‘Go on then! Read it out, will you? Why on earth they make the print so small I really can’t imagine!’

      ‘Hmm! And I can’t imagine why you don’t bury your pride and see an optician.’

      ‘It’s nothing to do with pride,’ she argued. ‘The reason why I don’t go to the optician is because there is absolutely nothing wrong with my eyesight … thank you!’

      ‘OK, have it your way.’ After he read the menu out, she made her choice and Dave returned to the bar with the order. Glancing back, he couldn’t help but smile as Nancy bent her head low to read the ‘What’s On’ sheet that was on the table.

      It was a sharp reminder of how Nancy and his wife, Molly, used to play the quiz here on Saturday nights.

      In that moment of nostalgia, he remembered with gratitude the wonderful woman he had loved … and still loved, even now, though she was not here with him.

      While having been blessed in one way, he felt cruelly cheated in another. For twenty wonderful years he had known great love and companionship, and now the love of his life was gone, and Cassie, their only child, was too distressed to come home. He prayed every night for her to return soon. He missed her terribly. But, as Nancy had pointed out, he should remember that he was not the only one to lose someone precious. And so he would try to be patient, and pray that Cassie would eventually come home to him of her own free will. And when that happened he would welcome his darling girl with open arms.

      Without Cassie and her mother, the house seemed cold and empty. In the daytime, he had his work, but the loneliness stayed with him. After work, when he got home and closed the door behind him, that was the worst time of all.

      Left alone in an empty house that had once been filled with joy and laughter, he felt utterly lost.

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