Something Like Happy. Sasha Greene

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СКАЧАТЬ they dived among the tops of the mass of buildings below them. The variation in architecture was pretty amazing. Brutal sixties monstrosities combined with elegant Victorian buildings and to their right the squat spires of the cathedral reminded him of the ancient history of the city.

      ‘I take it you’re not local then?’ It was more of a statement than a question from Jade.

      ‘No.’ Nick wondered how she had guessed, but then realised that his accent would mark him out, just as clearly as hers had showed she was Glasgow-raised. ‘I’m from Fort William.’

      Jade looked at him for a long while, as if considering something. The grey smudges under her eyes stood out in her pale face. ‘Tell you what. Meet me next Saturday and I’ll tell you the second thing on the list.’

      ‘I thought you were just going to give me the list.’ Nick didn’t know if he wanted to get involved with what she was suggesting. He didn’t know her. This could just be some trick. To get him to –

      To get you to what, exactly? His brain gave him a mental slap. Five minutes ago you were thinking about killing yourself. What have you got to lose? He found his hands were trembling again and he tucked them under his arms, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

      He pushed away the part of him whispering that he shouldn’t get involved. Making connections when he wasn’t going to be around much longer would just be an added complication. But then, if he met this girl next weekend, that meant another week in his job. Living with the snide comments and the subtle bullying. Could he really do that? Was he really strong enough?

      ‘OK,’ he found himself saying.

      Jade looked him directly in the eyes, a worried frown on her face. ‘You promise?’

      The sunlight turned her brown eyes into gold-flecked pools that seemed to hypnotise his brain. ‘I promise.’

      Jade got up, brushing off her hands. ‘Great. Ten a.m. Clydebank station. Don’t be late.’ She started to walk off down the hill.

      ‘Wait,’ he called after her. ‘You should give me your number.’

      She waved a thin hand dismissively, not even bothering to turn. ‘No need. I know you’ll be there. A promise is a promise.’

      As soon as she knew she was out of sight Jade sank down behind a nearby grave stone, making sure she was hidden from his view. Her legs were suddenly wobbly.

      Talking to Nick had brought back images that she just didn’t want to see again, and they played out in her head like some kind of disjointed horror film. She balled up her fists into her eyes, but tears squeezed slowly out the sides and ran down her arms, chilling her skin as the wind dried them away.

       See. This is why I didn’t want to get involved.

      She needed to, though. For herself and her own sanity. She couldn’t go back and change the past, but if she could change the future, help someone else in the same situation, then maybe she could start to trust herself again. Maybe she could learn to sleep at night.

      After a long while she lifted her head, staring out across the vast expanse in front of her. She took a deep breath, and then another one. She could be strong. She would be strong. She had Mum. And Dad. And Lily. And, just maybe, with Nick, she had the chance to redeem herself. To try and make things right.

      Fumbling for a tissue in her handbag, she rose stiffly and began the slow walk back down the hill and towards home.

      The sun was low in the sky by the time she put her keys in the front door. She opened the door to a warmth and a smell of food that made her stomach rumble. Her mother, she found in the kitchen as usual, her head bent over a pan. When she saw Jade she wrapped her in her arms and, ignoring her protests, smoothed back her hair.

      ‘Where have you been all this time?’ The question was not demanding, just curious.

      ‘Just around the city.’ Jade didn’t really want to share what had happened with Nick. ‘I went out up to the Necropolis and then I walked home.’

      ‘What, all the way from town?’ Her mother stirred the sauce, anxious not to let it burn.

      Jade shrugged. ‘It’s not far, just a few miles.’ She noticed the size of the pot. ‘What, are we having a party around for dinner again?’

      Her mother laughed, pushing back her own short black hair as she did so. ‘No. Just meals to put in the freezer. I thought I would make some for you to take to work.’

      Jade sighed, torn between love for her mother and an ongoing irritation at how she never listened. ‘Mum. You know we get food at work.’

      Her mother tutted, stirring the pot again. ‘Yes. Chips and burgers and all that rubbish. No wonder you are so pale these days. I’m making you some proper food with vitamins in it.’

      Jade was going to complain again but gave up and hugged her instead. ‘You’re the best, Mum, you know that.’ Her mother blushed, unused to such compliments from her daughter.

      Jade sat down at the table, ready to sink into the warmth of the kitchen. But she couldn’t get the image of the man on the bridge out of her mind.

      ‘What’s wrong?’ The question intruded into her thoughts, and she looked up, surprised.

      ‘What do you mean?’

      Her mother pointed at the table. ‘Usually I put crisps out, they’re gone in five minutes.’

      Jade looked, and yes, there was a blue bowl on the table. She took a handful, savouring the sharp tang of the vinegar. ‘My favourite. Thanks Mum.’

      She told her mother about Nick.

      ‘Oh, Jade.’ The older woman closed her eyes. ‘Not the same place. What made you want to go up there?’

      Jade reached for her hand, squeezing it tightly. ‘I’m fine, Mum, really I am. It’s just my way of dealing with it.’

      Her mum squeezed back briefly before returning to the stove. ‘Well Jade, you know best,’ she said, determination in her tone. ‘You know I just want you to be happy, that’s all.’

      There were a few minutes silence, then she turned towards Jade again. ‘Go and call your dad in for dinner.’

      Jade went next door into the living room. The TV was on, but her dad had fallen asleep on the big black sofa as usual. She hated to disturb him when he was like this. He’d be out at work all night and he needed all the sleep he could get.

      She put a hand gently on his shoulder, and he stirred, smiling up at her. ‘There’s my girl. Must be time for dinner, eh?’

      There was very little conversation during dinner, as they sat round the little table in the kitchen. Jade preferred it like this now that there were just three of them. The warmth of the kitchen enclosed them as if the house was hugging them, and while they were here Jade could block out thoughts of what real life was like and just pretend that things would go on like this for ever.

      Eventually Jade’s dad rose, wiping his mouth. ‘Best be off,’ he said. ‘Taxi fares don’t grow on trees.’ He wrapped his arms around his СКАЧАТЬ