Three Things I’d Tell My Younger Self (E-Story). Joanna Cannon

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       HANNAH BECKERMAN, AUTHOR and JOURNALIST

       1. You’re not the only one who feels the way you do

      Everyone around you seems so happy, content, confident. They seem comfortable in their own skin in a way you don’t. You imagine that you’re the only person in the world who feels unhappy, depressed, unsure of herself. Trust me: you are not. Some people are just better at hiding their insecurities than you are. And you’re so adept at hiding yours that many people look at you and have no idea how you’re really feeling. But in time, you are going to find people to trust with these feelings. And even though they may never disappear altogether, you’ll find that their power over you lose its hold once you dare to acknowledge them, articulate them, and share them.

       2. Ditch the friends who make you feel rubbish

      There’s always one (or two, or three). Those friends who make you feel like you’re not worthwhile. The ones who make you feel ugly, stupid, unlovable, unloved. They make comments that are supposed to be funny but are actually belittling. When you tell them something good that’s happened to you, they’ve always done something better. In groups, they talk over you, steal your punchlines, make you feel invisible.

      Ditch these people from your life. They’re not friends. Your only purpose in their lives is to help smother their own insecurities. Your time – your value – is too great for that.

      Seek out people who are genuinely happy for your successes. Who listen when you need to talk. Who care about who you are and how you feel.

      And when you find those people, hold on to them, treasure them. Because they will be your friends for life.

      PS: This goes for partners too. And family. Just because someone’s related to you by blood or marriage, doesn’t mean you have to tolerate nonsense from them. You don’t have to tolerate it from anyone.

       3. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself (Mary Schmidt)

      You look around you and everyone seems to be doing better than you. They’re getting better exam results (apparently with no revision whatsoever). They are prettier, thinner, more popular, more successful. They’re luckier than you: opportunities seem to fall into their lap. In time they will have jobs, homes, holidays that seem so much more impressive than yours. In comparison you feel less successful and, consequently, less happy.

      Comparing yourself to other people will never make you happy.

      Run your own race.

      Don’t just look above you, at people achieving more than you. Look around you; at your peers, at those who are aspiring to do things you’re doing, and perhaps you’ll see that you’re not doing too badly after all.

      The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself. In years to come, you are going to have this pinned above the desk where you write every day: both as a reminder that you are doing the thing you love and therefore it’s immaterial what anyone else is doing; and as an acknowledgement that the only person who needs to be happy with the race you’re running is you.