The Power of Time. Павел Миллер

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СКАЧАТЬ her a massive psychological trauma… With the rest of the energies left he thought: «What can I do? I am only a little boy to her»! – he fell on the pillow, not being able to sit any more. He felt better when Roma took his hand. Maxim asked him:

      – How are your studies going?

      – You know the answer already, Max. Why are you asking?

      – Don’t worry, not because I have nothing else to do. You know everything yourself.

      – See, they don’t want me to leave school.

      – So stop fighting with them. Just go and study. They will understand with time. No need to procrastinate.

      – But how? I don’t even know what they want: to finish eleventh grade or go to college. They impede me to take a decision, confusing me which path to take. I start doubting the rightness of the taken decision and don’t know weather it is mine or theirs. We can’t stop the time, Max, everything happens by itself – and not for good. Everyone understands it and get scared. Uncertainty is taking control over me, and I am being made to do things that don’t depend on me. Maxim, do something! I know you can!

      – Roman, what can I do? I can predict that you will drop out of school and will start college; but you will drop it as well and won’t even have a hight school diploma! Do you understand me?! What do you want me to do and with whom? With you or with your parents? Explain me please; what do you want me to do? Turn the time around? You know that I have had many conversations with your mom but they led to nowhere. She asked me to talk to you about staying in school. I told her exactly the same things as I told you. But she hasn’t gathered herself together, and you can’t get strengths back for the concrete actions.

      – So what do you want to advise me, my friend?

      – Either do a good job at school or then to college or finish the tenth grade and then go to college. Figure out a relationship with parents yourself, you are an adult so stop being a baby. What do you think?

      – I have already tried that but it did not seem to work.

      – Then just stay in school! What else is there to discuss?! You see everything yourself. What are you thinking about?! Don’t make me get cynical.

      – I just can’t study at school anymore, I can’t even go there, why is that so hard to understand!

      – Romka, with this attitude you will drop out of college as well! You want to know why? For the whole year they have the high school program but you don’t want to study it! The problem is in you, and only you can organize yourself and improve the situation. Neither me, nor your parents can help you. We will only bother you and make you feel confused. I don’t want to do it; can you understand? I am talking to you now, and everything you think of is where to go tomorrow to skip classes!

      – How do you know what is on my mind?

      – I just know, Roma.

      Max felt strong weakness which did not let him finish his speech and thought: «There is no need to explain Roman how I know things. Absolutely not necessary».

      – I want to go to sleep, I am so tired. Wake me up at six pm, ok?

      Maxim hasn’t heard Roman’s reply; energies left him and he drowned in sleep. He saw a dream about some girl who was walking fast to the house porch where he was standing. With the abrupt movement she unzipped his jacket. Not having time to understand what was happening, Max saw her pushing a bouquet of peonies, presented by him, into his bosom. Then she left without saying a single word after closing a jacket zipper…

      VII

      Svetlana Vladimirovna became very thirsty, when she heard on the phone that Shtuforuk Maxim – her precious love – is staying at home with the foot broken and can’t even go to school. Teachers attend him for home education according to the schedule made by the principle, and she is included in that schedule. She suffered from the thought that she could not visit him because she herself recently got discharged from the hospital and would have to stay home in bed for a while. However, he has no clue what she went through and will run into conclusion that she simply does not want to visit him.

      – How long is he absent?

      – Over two weeks, – school secretary Nina Ivanovna replied.

      – How many times per week am I supposed to visit him?

      – Just twice.

      When she heard it, Svetlana became upset: there was a chance to see him twice but she won’t be able to make it…

      – Svetlana Victorovna, please don’t worry. He is a smart boy and would be able to catch up by himself. What do you think? You can call him up and give him homework to check later. There is no reason to stress.

      – Of course, I shall do as you advise, thank you. Good-bye. I shall call you again.

      Sveta tried to hang up the phone a couple of times, but ended up leaving it on the table. She went to the kitchen, but instead of having water started a tea pot. Against doctor’s advice, she lighted up a cigarette. Nervously letting the steam out, she remembered the night before the car accident – every single moment of it, opening eyes sometimes only to flip the cigarette ash. She received pleasure from experiencing a feeling which was torturing her for so long that night. Svetlana perceived, not seemed but exactly perceived that she looks at situation and experiencing it totally differently. She enjoys it now. Lighting another cigarette, she clearly noticed a border in her changed feelings. She used to be under the influence of her emotions and could not control them, getting confused in words and actions. At this moment, however, she could easily be in charge and apparently understand every step she was taking. Only one obscurity confused her: what was the reason for all that negative experience? Sveta felt that the answer is somewhere very close, but she would not be able to find it by herself. She did not want to leave with this idea but at the same time believed that it happened for good and it would become clearer soon: «There was a reason why I had a dream about school». Svetlana felt awkward and unusual when she thought about school. She jerked her hand, burnt by the cigarette, dropped the ashtray on the floor and remembered Maxim. «Very surprising»! – She thought, collecting ashes from the floor. Sveta recalled their first class: good-looking boy, hearing his name, said «This is me» and stood up, and when she looked at him she totally forgot that she is giving a class… The teacher saw something pure and innocent, something that touched her soul – not just touched but remained there. She could not take eyes of him; she was searching exactly for someone like him, dreaming of him…

      Sveta saw something light and unperturbed in his soul: strength and independence – the same qualities that she possessed. She said to herself: «It is strange that a little boy has such an influence on me. How can it be»? But she could never find an answer to that. Every time Svetlana tremulously waited for him to attend a class, always looked at him only and became captivated by his sight. She saw very strong feelings and could not do much with hers; everything that was left for her is to enjoy his presence and grant him what she felt deeply. She knew that Maxim understands her completely and it seemed as thought he knew her very well. Despite her age, she treated him like a close and loved person, not being able to control herself. She loved him like a man of her dreams. May be it took place because it seemed to her that his sincere love represented a love of a man to a woman. Every time, when Sveta saw Max, her soul was crying for their age difference and that she couldn’t turn the time back. Love could not bring them closer any longer. She felt disappointed but told herself calmly: «I need to call him today and give homework. Oh, and also to find out when he will be back to school». СКАЧАТЬ