Note: To read before the wedding. Yury Gurkov
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Название: Note: To read before the wedding
Автор: Yury Gurkov
Издательство: Автор
Жанр: Зарубежная прикладная и научно-популярная литература
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– if your boyfriend is nervous and insults you when you slam the car door, there is a reason;
– if he raises his voice when you speak on the phone during a football match on TV, there is a reason for this too;
– if he is waiting for a compliment every time he comes on a date, it means a lot and there is a reason too;
– if he never argues with his mother or on the contrary argues with the future mother-in-law, there is a reason for everything;
– if every strife ends only when he is right and you are wrong, there is a reason and it is on the surface;
– if he was wrong, it is okay but when you make a mistake – it is a real disaster;
– if he forgot to fulfill the promise – he can do it, he is a man but if you did the same he would blame you or humiliate you;
– when he needs to drink a bottle or two of beer every evening in order to relax, relieve stress, the reason is visible even through the head;
– or if he occasionally goes with friends on a fishing trip or likes to spend time in the hunting field and at the same time his friends have new photos from a new party in their social networks and there you can see your “best man in the world”;
– if he remembers your mistakes in every row and tries to humiliate you with them.
It is not enough to understand that all these actions have their own reasons. It is more important to make a forecast of your family relations taking into account these reasons. Will there be cloudless fine weather at least a couple of days a month or just a gale warning and fog, ice, falls and fractures?
I want to give you just a couple of examples of such forecast. If each dispute ends only when your loved one is right and you are not – this means that you will get a situation in family life when it is not possible to win the dispute. You will still remain guilty, bad, stupid, etc. Are you ready to abide this and put up with it?
If he tells you that he goes fishing and then somehow you find him on the photo from a party on a friend's page – this is deception and indignity, sell – out of your interests, the absence of fidelity to you. Further, in family life, he will even more often disappear from the house on the ground of various pretexts, even less thinking about where and why. Do you like this prospect?
Learn how to analyze what is happening at the same moment when such events occur. Ask yourself the right question about the reasons for this. You have to research it, ask leading questions to clarify your assumptions about the causes of each situation. What is next – try to imagine yourself as a wife who has to endure all this, to bite the bullet, to put up with it.
The best experience that you can get by sorting out the reasons for the actions of people, especially your chosen one – is to start with yourself. Examine yourself, accurately sort out your own feelings and the motives of your complexes, fears, desires to change something in yourself. Look attentively at what pisses you off when you change your face, voice and grimace at the same time. After all, very few people do this either, they come at the cause of such irritations or fears, or complexes in themselves.
I know a girl who in a quarrel with a guy ate a whole loaf of white bread, she was eating her feelings. Apparently, she would not have been able to think about the reasons for what happened until she had finished the loaf. Understanding the reasons both good and bad for the actions of the chosen one draws the person in all the details. You will understand with whom you are going to live beneath the same roof every day. And what if this is not a loaf but alcohol, or dreams about an idol or ‘crazy’ actions when you want to do something not typical for yourself to spite everyone or someone target-focused?
Having sorted out your feelings, you get a chance to work on yourself, get rid of complexes and instantly understand the reason for your failures, resentments, loss of joy and happiness, obsession for each other in relationships. Things are the same in the assessment of your chosen one – first to notice and then to understand such moments.
There is one more thing. Not always everything is on the surface as, for example, irritation – it is easy to see, easy to feel, to look at and to understand what was the cause. There are also halftones that are covered in words or actions. For example, your boyfriend always has some very good reason not to do something when you are going to introduce him to your parents. Or it happens when the planned purchase of a new fragrance or dress for you have been simmering for years when there already new collections. It is the same in the first and second case. At such moments, the last thing you need to do is to listen to your beloved. Why is this happening? It is more important to look at the strange coincidences that have become a pattern. If he does not want to go to meet your parents, it means that he has no serious intentions about you, so you are a temporary option. If the promised perfume and dresses remain hanging on the shelves and hangers of stores – generosity is not the strongest side of your favorite.
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