STILL STANDING. M.G. Crisci

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      To women everywhere battling to overcome life’s little tests. If I can do it, so can you!

      To Mum and Dad. I will make you proud. I promise. The worst is over.

      

      Also by M.G. Crisci

      7 Days in Russia

      Call Sign, White Lily

      Donny and Vladdy

      Ergonia. Land of Giant Ants

      Indiscretion

      Mary Jackson Peale

      Only in New York

      Papa Cado

      Papa Cado’s Book of Wisdom

      Project Zebra

      Salad Oil King

      Save the Last Dance

      She Said. He Said.

      Still Standing

      This Little Piggy

      Learn more at

      mgcrisci.com

       amazon.com/M.G.Crisci/e/B003509QRK

      twitter.com/worldofmgcrisci

      YouTube.com/worldofmgcrisci

      Facebook.com/worldofmgcrisci

      

      Also by Vicki FitzGerald

      Briguella

      Kill List

      Still Standing

      Learn more at

      vickifitzgerald.com

      Twitter.com/AuthorVickiFitz

      Facebook.com/vickifitzgeraldauthor

      Instagram/vickifitzgeraldauthor

      YouTube.com/vickifitzgeraldauthor

      Copyright© 2020 by M.G. Crisci and Vicki FitzGerald

      All rights reserved,

      Including the right of reproduction

      In whole or in part in any form.

      Orca Publishing Company, USA

      Edited by Robin Friedheim and Darren Bane

      Cover Design by Gold World Media

      ISBN 9781456634414

      Manufactured in the United States of America

      First Edition

      1.

      THE BRINY DEEP

      “In the end, one needs more courage to live than to kill themselves.”

      ― Albert Camus

      2017…

      How the hell did I come to be in this place?

      Demons riddled my inner self. Hate, anger, bitterness, and sadness attacked relentlessly and randomly. Sledgehammers rocked my being. How to make this madness stop? I just wanted to be normal again, but I knew there was no route back to normal.

      Circumstances had changed me forever. I knew I couldn’t be fixed; I’d been broken too long. I was abandoned and rejected. All that remained were randomly shaped, disjointed pieces of my former self, unable, or perhaps unwilling, to form any coherence. Any logic I once possessed had been crushed beneath a mass of terribly poor choices.

      I was no longer in control. I felt hollow, as though my insides had been carved. My body robotic, no longer connected to my soul, had driven me to this desolate seashore. I wanted my inner demons to be punished. No, I wanted me to be punished! The ominous dark clouds would be my final canvas.

      I dragged myself toward the angry white foam. A bright full moon reflected the haggard shell of the dreadful creature I no longer recognized. I felt the sea spray whip hair strands across my face, lashing my cheeks. Again, and again.

      Oddly, my leg started to vibrate. A forgotten mobile phone buried deep in my pocket began to call silently; it added to the madness of the moment. Instinctively, I knew it was John. I longed to say my final goodbye, but I knew he’d talk me out of killing myself. When things were right, he had that kind of calming presence. This time, I would have none of it. I howled wantonly, as I continued towards my destiny.

      I closed my eyes and leaned forward, preparing to let go. I could feel the power of the waves smashing against the craggy cliffs. I would take one final deep breath before tumbling into the briny deep, and eternal damnation. I felt it was all I deserved.

      My phone vibrated again. I hesitated for what seemed like an eternity. Why should I answer? Reluctantly, I pulled it from my pocket. It was another voicemail from John. I was torn; one side of me wanted to finish what I had begun; the other wanted to hear his voice one final time. After all we had done to each other, I still loved him.

      I pressed the phone against my damp hair, closed my eyes, and listened as I entered the sea. “Vicki, please come home. We can work things out. I love you. Emily and Matthew need their mother. You are their true North…and mine.”

      Tears cascaded down my cheeks. I’d thrown my life away and I was full of regret, but I couldn’t turn back the clock and erase it.

      I stared into the dark abyss as the waves grew ever more violent. I wondered. Was redemption even remotely possible? A wave smacked me in the face. It was my answer. I began the struggle back to shore.

      A few feet from the safety of dry land, my legs collapsed; I crashed to my knees. The angry waves rumbled, but I no longer wanted to die. I dug my hands into the sand and hung on for dear life. My willowy body shivered in the foreboding darkness. I could taste the wet sand fill my mouth.

      Fate, or something, intervened; the waves began to recede. I gathered myself, clawed and dragged my physically and emotionally spent body to the safety of the promenade. I lay motionless as the moon reappeared from behind the clouds. My heart was pounding a thousand beats a minute.

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