Fennel and Rue. William Dean Howells

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СКАЧАТЬ as the offence offered him; of the two the consciousness was the more disagreeable.

      His mother, dressed for the street, came in where he sat quiet at his desk, with the editor’s letters and the girl’s before him, and he mutely referred them to her with a hand lifted over his shoulder. She read them, and then she said, “This is hard to bear, Philip. I wish I could bear it for you, or at least with you; but I’m late for my engagement with Mrs. Alfred, as it is—No, I will telephone her I’m detained and we’ll talk it over—”

      “No, no! Not on any account! I’d rather think it out for myself. You couldn’t help me. After all, it hasn’t done me any harm—”

      “And you’ve had a great escape! And I won’t say a word more now, but I’ll be back soon, and then we—Oh, I’m so sorry I’m going.”

      Verrian gave a laugh. “You couldn’t do anything if you stayed, mother. Do go!”

      “Well—” She looked at him, smoothing her muff with her hand a moment, and then she dropped a fond kiss on his cheek and obeyed him.

IV

       Table of Contents

      Verrian still sat at his desk, thinking, with his burning face in his hands. It was covered with shame for what had happened to him, but his humiliation had no quality of pity in it. He must write to that girl, and write at once, and his sole hesitation was as to the form he should give his reply. He could not address her as Dear Miss Brown or as Dear Madam. Even Madam was not sharp and forbidding enough; besides, Madam, alone or with the senseless prefix, was archaic, and Verrian wished to be very modern with this most offensive instance of the latest girl. He decided upon dealing with her in the third person, and trusting to his literary skill to keep the form from clumsiness.

      He tried it in that form, and it was simply disgusting, the attitude stiff and swelling, and the diction affected and unnatural. With a quick reversion to the impossible first type, he recast his letter in what was now the only possible shape.

       “MY DEAR MISS BROWN,—The editor of the American Miscellany has

       sent me a copy of his recent letter to you and your own reply, and

       has remanded to me an affair which resulted from my going to him

       with your request to see the close of my story now publishing in his

       magazine.

       “After giving the matter my best thought, I have concluded that it

       will be well to enclose all the exhibits to you, and I now do this

       in the hope that a serious study of them will enable you to share my

       surprise at the moral and social conditions in which the business

       could originate. I willingly leave with you the question which is

       the more trustworthy, your letter to me or your letter to him, or

       which the more truly represents the interesting diversity of your

       nature. I confess that the first moved me more than the second,

       and I do not see why I should not tell you that as soon as I had

       your request I went with it to Mr. Armiger and did what I could to

       prompt his compliance with it. In putting these papers out of my

       hands, I ought to acknowledge that they have formed a temptation to

       make literary use of the affair which I shall now be the better

       fitted to resist. You will, of course, be amused by the ease with

       which you could abuse my reliance on your good faith, and I am sure

       you will not allow any shame for your trick to qualify your pleasure

       in its success.

       “It will not be necessary for you to acknowledge this letter and its

       enclosures. I will register the package, so that it will not fail

       to reach you, and I will return any answer of yours unopened, or, if

       not recognizably addressed, then unread.

       “Yours sincerely,

       “P. S. VERRIAN.”

      He read and read again these lines, with only the sense of their insufficiency in doing the effect of the bitterness in his heart. If the letter was insulting, it was by no means as insulting as he would have liked to make it. Whether it would be wounding enough was something that depended upon the person whom he wished to wound. All that was proud and vain and cruel in him surged up at the thought of the trick that had been played upon him, and all that was sweet and kind and gentle in him, when he believed the trick was a genuine appeal, turned to their counter qualities. Yet, feeble and inadequate as his letter was, he knew that he could not do more or worse by trying, and he so much feared that by waiting he might do less and better that he hurried it into the post at once. If his mother had been at hand he would have shown it her, though he might not have been ruled by her judgment of it. He was glad that she was not with him, for either she would have had her opinion of what would be more telling, or she would have insisted upon his delaying any sort of reply, and he could not endure the thought of difference or delay.

      He asked himself whether he should let her see the rough first draft of his letter or not, and he decided that he would not. But when she came into his study on her return he showed it her.

      She read it in silence, and then she seemed to temporize in asking, “Where are her two letters?”

      “I’ve sent them back with the answer.”

      His mother let the paper drop from her hands. “Philip! You haven’t sent this!”

      “Yes, I have. It wasn’t what I wanted to make it, but I wished to get the detestable experience out of my mind, and it was the best I could do at the moment. Don’t you like it?”

      “Oh—” She seemed beginning to say something, but without saying anything she took the fallen leaf up and read it again.

      “Well!” he demanded, with impatience.

      “Oh, you may have been right. I hope you’ve not been wrong.”

      “Mother!”

      “She deserved the severest things you could say; and yet—”

      “Well?”

      “Perhaps she was punished enough already.”

      “What do you mean?”

      “I don’t like your being-vindictive.”

      “Vindictive?”

      “Being СКАЧАТЬ