Anton Chekhov: Plays, Short Stories, Diary & Letters (Collected Edition). Anton Chekhov

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      Hirin (angrily; shouting): Get out of it!

      Merchutkin: That won’t do! That won’t do! I’m not afraid of you! We’ve seen your sort before! Creature!

      Hirin (shouting): I don’t think in all my life I ever saw anything so repugnant. Ugh! It’s going to my head! (Breathes with difficulty.) I’ll tell you again! Are you listening? If you don’t go away from here, you old witch, I’ll grind you to powder! I’ve got such a character, that I could make a cripple of you for life! I can commit a crime!

      Merchutkin: “The dog barks, the wind blows it away.” I’m not frightened. We’ve seen your sort before.

      Hirin (in despair): I can’t look at her! I feel ill! I can’t! (Goes to table and sits down.) They fill the bank with women — I can’t write the report. I can’t!

      Merchutkin: I don’t want anything of anybody else’s, I only want my legal rights. Oh, you shameless man! To sit here in slippers! You yokel! (Enter Shipuchin, followed by Tatiana.)

      Tatiana: In the evening we went to Berejnitski’s. Kate was wearing a blue foulard frock, a little decolleté, and she had her hair done very high. I combed her myself. And the way she was dressed and had her hair done, well, it was simply enchanting——

      Shipuchin (with a headache): Yes, yes, enchanting — They might be here at any moment.

      Merchutkin: Your excellency!

      Shipuchin (dejected): What is it? What do you want?

      Merchutkin (pointing to Hirin): Your excellency, that man, that man there, he tapped his finger on his forehead and then on the table! You told him to look after my business, and he makes fun of every word. I’m a weak, defenceless woman——

      Shipuchin: Very well, Madame, I’m considering it. I will take measures. Go away now. Afterwards—— (Aside.) My gout’s beginning.

      Hirin (quietly to Shipuchin): Mr. Shipuchin, tell them to send for the porter, and let her be thrown out by the scruff of the neck.

      Shipuchin (frightened): No, no! She’d start to scream, and there are a lot of people in the house.

      Merchutkin: Your excellency!

      Hirin (in a mournful voice): And I’ve got to write the report! I haven’t time! (Returns to the table.) I can’t!

      Merchutkin: Your excellency, when can I have it? I need the money to-day.

      Shipuchin (aside, angrily): Re — mark — ab — ly horrible woman! (Softly, to her.) Madame, I’ve told you already. This is a bank, a private, commercial establishment.

      Merchutkin: Be kind to me, your excellency; be a father to me! If the medical certificate isn’t enough, I can produce a certificate from the police. Tell them to give me the money.

      Shipuchin (sighs heavily): Ugh!

      Tatiana (to Merchutkin): My dear lady, you’ve been told that you have made a mistake. What a woman you are, to be sure!

      Merchutkin: Beautiful lady, nobody cares about me. I’ve only one thing left, to eat and drink, and to-day I drank my coffee without any pleasure.

      Shipuchin (feebly): How much do you want?

      Merchutkin: Twenty-four roubles, thirty-six kopecks.

      Shipuchin: Very well. (Takes twenty-five roubles from his pocket-book and gives them to her.) There’s twenty-five roubles for you. Take them and — go away! (Hirin coughs angrily.)

      Merchutkin: I most humbly thank you, your excellency.

      Tatiana (sits beside her husband): It’s time for me to go home. (Looks at her watch.) But I haven’t finished yet; I’ll finish in a moment and go. What do you think happened? What do you think? Well, in the evening we went to Berejnitski’s. It wasn’t anything particular; it was jolly, but not specially. Of course, Kate’s admirer, Grendelevski, was there. I spoke to Kate, and cried, and persuaded her, and in the evening she had an explanation with Grendelevski and refused him. Well, I thought, everything is in order, things couldn’t be better; I had quieted Mama, saved Kate, and now I could be easy. What do you think ? Just before supper we were walking with Kate in the avenue, and suddenly — (Rises) — suddenly we heard a shot! No I can’t speak about it in cold blood! (Fans herself with her handkerchief.) No, I can’t!

      Shipuchin (sighs): Ugh!

      Tatiana (weeps): We ran to the summer-house, and there, there lay poor Grendelevski with a pistol in his hand.

      Shipuchin: No, I can’t stand it! I can’t stand it! (To Merchutkin.) What do you want now?

      Merchutkin: Your excellency, couldn’t my husband take up his old post again?

      Tatiana (weeps): He had shot himself right by the heart — just there — Kate fainted, poor girl, and he himself was terribly frightened. He lay there and — and asked us to send for a doctor. The doctor soon came — and saved the unlucky fellow.

      Merchutkin: Your excellency, couldn’t my husband take up his old post again?

      Shipuchin: No, I can’t stand it. (Weeps.) I can’t stand it. (Stretches out his hands to Hirin in despair.) Drive her out! Drive her out! Please!

      Hirin (advances on Tatiana): Get out of it!

      Shipuchin: Not her — that one — that awful one — (Points to Merchutkin) — that one——

      Hirin (misunderstands; to Tatiana): Get out of it! (Stamps his feet.) Go away!

      Tatiana: What? What’s the matter with you? Have you gone mad?

      Shipuchin: This is awful! I’m a miserable man! Drive her out! Drive her out!

      Hirin (to Tatiana): Out of it! I’ll cripple you! I’ll smash you! I’ll commit a crime!

      Tatiana (chased by Hirin): How dare you! You impudent man! Andrew! Help! Andrew! (Begins to scream.)

      Shipuchin (running after them): Stop! Please! Be quiet! Have mercy on me!

      Hirin (chasing Merchutkin): Get out of it! Catch her! Hit her! Cut her up!

      Shipuchin: Stop! Please! I beg you!

      Merchutkin: Dear lady; oh, dear lady! (Begins to scream.) Dear lady!

      Tatiana: Help! Help! Oh, Oh! I feel ill! I feel ill! (Jumps on a chair, then drops on the sofa and moans.)

      Hirin (chasing Merchutkin): Catch her! Hit her! Cut her up!

      Merchutkin: Oh, oh, dear lady! It’s all going dark. Oh! (Falls senseless in Shipuchin’s arms. A knock at the door and a voice: “The Deputation.”)

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