Psmith Series. P. G. Wodehouse

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СКАЧАТЬ to Mr. Downing.; If it is possible for a man to have two apples of his eye, Sammy was the other.; He was a large, light-hearted dog with a white coat, an engaging expression, the tongue of an ant-eater, and a manner which was a happy blend of hurricane and circular saw.; He had long legs, a tenor voice, and was apparently made of india-rubber.

      Sammy was a great favourite in the school, and a particular friend of Mike’s, the Wrykynian being always a firm ally of every dog he met after two minutes’ acquaintance.

      In passing, Jellicoe owned a clock-work rat, much in request during French lessons.

      We will now proceed to the painful details.

      * * * * *

      The meetings of the Fire Brigade were held after school in Mr. Downing’s form-room.; The proceedings always began in the same way, by the reading of the minutes of the last meeting.; After that the entertainment varied according to whether the members happened to be fertile or not in ideas for the disturbing of the peace.

      To-day they were in very fair form.

      As soon as Mr. Downing had closed the minute-book, Wilson, of the School House, held up his hand.

      “Well, Wilson?”

      “Please, sir, couldn’t we have a uniform for the Brigade?”

      “A uniform?” Mr. Downing pondered

      “Red, with green stripes, sir,”

      Red, with a thin green stripe, was the Sedleigh colour.

      “Shall I put it to the vote, sir?” asked Stone.

      “One moment, Stone.”

      “Those in favour of the motion move to the left, those against it to the right.”

      A scuffling of feet, a slamming of desk-lids and an upset blackboard, and the meeting had divided.

      Mr. Downing rapped irritably on his desk.

      “Sit down!” he said, “sit down!; I won’t have this noise and disturbance.; Stone, sit down—­Wilson, get back to your place.”

      “Please, sir, the motion is carried by twenty-five votes to six.”

      “Please, sir, may I go and get measured this evening?”

      “Please, sir——­”

      “Si-lence!; The idea of a uniform is, of course, out of the question.”

      “Oo-oo-oo-oo, sir-r-r!”

      “Be quiet! Entirely out of the question.; We cannot plunge into needless expense.; Stone, listen to me.; I cannot have this noise and disturbance!; Another time when a point arises it must be settled by a show of hands.; Well, Wilson?”

      “Please, sir, may we have helmets?”

      “Very useful as a protection against falling timbers, sir,” said Robinson.

      “I don’t think my people would be pleased, sir, if they knew I was going out to fires without a helmet,” said Stone.

      The whole strength of the company:; “Please, sir, may we have helmets?”

      “Those in favour—­” began Stone.

      Mr. Downing banged on his desk.; “Silence!; Silence!!; Silence!!!; Helmets are, of course, perfectly preposterous.”

      “Oo-oo-oo-oo, sir-r-r!”

      “But, sir, the danger!”

      “Please, sir, the falling timbers!”

      The Fire Brigade had been in action once and once only in the memory of man, and that time it was a haystack which had burnt itself out just as the rescuers had succeeded in fastening the hose to the hydrant.

      “Silence!”

      “Then, please, sir, couldn’t we have an honour cap?; It wouldn’t be expensive, and it would be just as good as a helmet for all the timbers that are likely to fall on our heads.”

      Mr. Downing smiled a wry smile.

      “Our Wilson is facetious,” he remarked frostily.

      “Sir, no, sir!; I wasn’t facetious!; Or couldn’t we have footer-tops, like the first fifteen have?; They——­”

      “Wilson, leave the room!”

      “Sir, please, sir!”

      “This moment, Wilson.; And,” as he reached the door, “do me one hundred lines.”

      A pained “OO-oo-oo, sir-r-r,” was cut off by the closing door.

      Mr. Downing proceeded to improve the occasion.; “I deplore this growing spirit of flippancy,” he said.; “I tell you I deplore it!; It is not right!; If this Fire Brigade is to be of solid use, there must be less of this flippancy.; We must have keenness.; I want you boys above all to be keen.; I—­What is that noise?”

      From the other side of the door proceeded a sound like water gurgling from a bottle, mingled with cries half-suppressed, as if somebody were being prevented from uttering them by a hand laid over his mouth.; The sufferer appeared to have a high voice.

      There was a tap at the door and Mike walked in.; He was not alone.; Those near enough to see, saw that he was accompanied by Jellicoe’s clock-work rat, which moved rapidly over the floor in the direction of the opposite wall.

      “May I fetch a book from my desk, sir?” asked Mike.

      “Very well—­be quick, Jackson; we are busy.”

      Being interrupted in one of his addresses to the Brigade irritated Mr. Downing.

      The muffled cries grew more distinct.

      “What—­is—­that—­noise?” shrilled Mr. Downing.

      “Noise, sir?” asked Mike, puzzled.

      “I think it’s something outside the window, sir,” said Stone helpfully.

      “A bird, I think, sir,” said Robinson.

      “Don’t be absurd!” snapped Mr. Downing.; “It’s outside the door.; Wilson!”

      “Yes, sir?” said a voice “off.”

      “Are you making that whining noise?”

      “Whining noise, sir?; No, sir, I’m not making a whining noise.”

      “What sort of noise, sir?” inquired Mike, as many Wrykynians had asked before him.; It was a question invented by Wrykyn for use in just such a case as this.

      “I do not propose,” said Mr. Downing acidly, “to imitate the noise; you can all hear it perfectly plainly.; СКАЧАТЬ