Night Bloomers. Michelle Pearce

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СКАЧАТЬ dark metaphor on which this book is based. I still remember the look on his face of both astonishment and then hope when I shared this new perspective on trauma and loss. Over the next few months, we used the blooming perspective to help him work through his pain and find new meaning, a new narrative, and a new direction for his life. His depression resolved and so did his rage. He was able to forgive his attacker and even confront him with love and grace in the courtroom. Not only was he able to work, but he also decided to move to the part of the country he’d always wanted to live. He found a wonderful new home and job there, and he moved with his partner shortly after we finished to begin his new life. He radiated hope and joy. After thanking me for the work we had done together, he looked at me and said, “You know what, you’re the ‘real’ Spin Doctor.” Then he told me I needed to write this book, so that others could experience the same kind of transformation he did.

      You most likely have a well-developed perspective on the difficult situation you are experiencing. You know your pain like the back of your hand. It might feel like it’s going to be your reality for the rest of your life. I’m here to tell you that as awful as you feel right now and as permanent as this pain might feel, there is another option, another view of your pain and suffering through a different lens. With this new perspective comes a different way of being in your situation, of moving through your suffering, and even of enjoying your life again. Just like with the old lady/young lady perceptual illusion, once you see the other option available to you, you can never go back to not seeing it. That said, you may still prefer the first image you saw because sometimes it feels easier to stay in our current viewpoint—it’s familiar and it’s a path you have tread numerous times.

      This book is intended to show you how to see another picture, another possible perspective on your current situation. It’s also intended to give you effective, practical tools to move through your pain using this new perspective. Those two things—illuminating the new perspective and providing the practical tools—that’s my job and my expertise. What you choose to do with this change in perspective and the tools is up to you.

       Your Darkness Is Also Your Opportunity

      When the darkness in life descends upon us, regardless of its source or type, it feels like the end of the world. The pain can become so intense that you long for the end of the world, or at least the end of your world of pain. I don’t know specifically what you’ve been through or what you’re going through now, but if the description of this book resonated with you, then it’s likely that you will benefit from the blooming principles and exercises offered here. You are most likely at a place where your life will never be the same again and you will never be the same again. No amount of wishing or foot-stomping or crying or even praying will make things go back to how they were before your found yourself in this darkness. Your way of being has come to an end, and accepting this is one of our hardest tasks. We have to begin to trust that something greater is at work, and that something greater lies ahead.

      I’ve come to believe that the darkness affords us a unique opportunity to radically change our lives and our identities and to find or change our life’s purpose. It doesn’t happen automatically. The darkness is an opportunity for transformation, not a guarantee. My goal is to help you take full advantage of this unique time in your life. My hope is that you use your difficult experience to find a new perspective and fulfilling life path.

      I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be all roses (pun intended)—there is real work to do in the dark. If your process is anything like mine and that of the clients I’ve worked with, it’s going to be painful and messy and you’re going to want out of the suffering. Badly. But if you’re anything like those of us who have tread through this, you’re going to gradually see how your painful situation will open up otherwise unavailable opportunities for self-awareness, greater meaning, and personal and spiritual growth.

       I’ve Been There

      I’ve had a number of those “life-turned-upside-down-and-smashed-into-tiny-pieces-and-I’m-not-sure-I’m-going-to-make-it” moments. Besides my parents’ divorce, years struggling with a medically confusing chronic illness that leaves me profoundly fatigued, and a long-standing estrangement with my mother that saddens me to this day, I grieved hard over the loss of my marriage. When my husband left, all I could see was the death of my dreams, and I felt like I was dying. There were days when I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on. I could not see beyond what I had lost. It was much easier to keep looking back with regret and sink into hopelessness and despair. I did everything I could think of to resurrect my past and restore my marriage. Nothing worked. The shame piled on as I helped other couples in my clinical practice through their marital difficulties and yet I couldn’t fix my own.

      It wasn’t until I changed my perspective that I was able to see this time in my life in a much more positive light. Instead of seeing the mandatory year of separation before the divorce as a year to win my husband back, I began to see that I was being given time to build a whole new kind of outlook and life for myself. After the angst and mourning over my previous life, it was time to attend to me. During this time I would do more than heal; I would become more than I had ever been and my life would be set on an incredible new course.

      My healing came when I realized that what I really needed was for my life, not my marriage, to be rejuvenated. I needed to become a woman who engaged courageously in life, who broke out of her routines and her self-limiting beliefs. I needed to become a woman who loved much and loved well. I had to stop letting fear control my life and my relationships. I needed to create and enjoy a richer and more joy-filled life. What I didn’t realize and didn’t want to do was give up my old way of being, my old perspective on life to get there. Yet, something must always die before resurrection. I needed to accept that my old way of living and my marriage were part of the past and that it was only because they were in the past that I could experience a new life and a broader perspective.

      I am writing as one who has been where you are right now. I know how devastating it is to have your life, your marriage, your health, your family, and your dreams ripped from you and your heart torn into pieces. When I talk about this new perspective, I am in no way downplaying your pain. It’s real and it’s miserable. But that’s not all it has to be. Let me tell you about the day when my perspective on my pain and loss changed.

       Night Bloomers

      I was in the clinic seeing clients one Wednesday afternoon not too long after my husband left. In those early days, it was hard to concentrate on what my clients were saying. My grief and fear were overshadowing everything in my life, including my work, which I loved. Over the lunch hour that day, I checked my phone and found a text message from a friend. She had sent me a picture of a vibrant pink flower with a message that read, “Night blooming cactus. I’ve cared for this cactus for years and it finally bloomed last night.”

      Those two sentences and that pink flower changed everything.

      I had no idea that some flowers bloom in the dark, that some flowers actually require the dark to bloom. As I paused to consider this new information, it hit me: some people need the dark to bloom. Some people need the trials and suffering and loss and life upheavals to experience growth and transformation, to come into the fullness of their beings and life purpose. I am one of those people. Like it or not, my greatest personal growth has always come from spending a season in the darkness of pain, loss, and suffering. I think there are a lot of us out there who need the dark. I call us “Night Bloomers.” If you’re reading this book, there’s a good chance that you or someone you love is a Night Bloomer. I wanted to write this book to provide my fellow Night Bloomers with hope. Hope that your heart-wrenching, faith-shaking loss may provide the fertile covering of darkness that can produce beauty not possible in the light.

       A Famous Night Bloomer: From Prison to the Palace

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