The Pursuit of the House-Boat. John Kendrick Bangs

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СКАЧАТЬ sense of security by counting on this delay, or will he not, noting my habit of occasionally entering upon detective enterprises of this nature of my own volition, come to me at once and set me to work ferreting out some crime that has never been committed? My feeling was that this would happen, and I pulled out my watch to see if it were not nearly time for him to arrive. The robbery had taken place at a state ball at the Buckingham Palace. ‘H’m!’ I mused. ‘He has had an hour and forty minutes to get here. It is now twelve twenty. He should be here by twelve forty-five. I will wait.’ And hastily swallowing a cocaine tablet to nerve myself up for the meeting, I sat down and began to read my Schopenhauer. Hardly had I perused a page when there came a tap upon my door. I rose with a smile, for I thought I knew what was to happen, opened the door, and there stood, much to my surprise, the husband of the lady whose tiara was missing. It was the Duke of Brokedale himself. It is true he was disguised. His beard was powdered until it looked like snow, and he wore a wig and a pair of green goggles; but I recognized him at once by his lack of manners, which is an unmistakable sign of nobility. As I opened the door, he began:

      “ ‘You are Mr.—’

      “ ‘I am,’ I replied. ‘Come in. You have come to see me about your stolen watch. It is a gold hunting-case watch with a Swiss movement; loses five minutes a day; stem-winder; and the back cover, which does not bear any inscription, has upon it the indentations made by the molars of your son Willie when that interesting youth was cutting his teeth upon it.’ ”

      “Wonderful!” cried Johnson.

      “May I ask how you knew all that?” asked Solomon, deeply impressed. “Such penetration strikes me as marvellous.”

      “I didn’t know it,” replied the stranger, with a smile. “What I said was intended to be jocular, and to put Brokedale at his ease. The Americans present, with their usual astuteness, would term it bluff. It was. I merely rattled on. I simply did not wish to offend the gentleman by letting him know that I had penetrated his disguise. Imagine my surprise, however, when his eye brightened as I spoke, and he entered my room with such alacrity that half the powder which he thought disguised his beard was shaken off on to the floor. Sitting down in the chair I had just vacated, he quietly remarked:

      “ ‘You are a wonderful man, sir. How did you know that I had lost my watch?’

      “For a moment I was nonplussed; more than that, I was completely staggered. I had expected him to say at once that he had not lost his watch, but had come to see me about the tiara; and to have him take my words seriously was entirely unexpected and overwhelmingly surprising. However, in view of his rank, I deemed it well to fall in with his humor. ‘Oh, as for that,’ I replied, ‘that is a part of my business. It is the detective’s place to know everything; and generally, if he reveals the machinery by means of which he reaches his conclusions, he is a fool, since his method is his secret, and his secret his stock in trade. I do not mind telling you, however, that I knew your watch was stolen by your anxious glance at my clock, which showed that you wished to know the time. Now most rich Americans have watches for that purpose, and have no hesitation about showing them. If you’d had a watch, you’d have looked at it, not at my clock.’

      “My visitor laughed, and repeated what he had said about my being a wonderful man.

      “ ‘And the dents which my son made cutting his teeth?’ he added.

      “ ‘Invariably go with an American’s watch. Rubber or ivory rings aren’t good enough for American babies to chew on,’ said I. ‘They must have gold watches or nothing.’

      “ ‘And finally, how did you know I was a rich American?’ he asked.

      “ ‘Because no other can afford to stop at hotels like the Savoy in the height of the season,’ I replied, thinking that the jest would end there, and that he would now reveal his identity and speak of the tiara. To my surprise, however, he did nothing of the sort.

      “ ‘You have an almost supernatural gift,’ he said. ‘My name is Bunker. I am stopping at the Savoy. I am an American. I was rich when I arrived here, but I’m not quite so bloated with wealth as I was, now that I have paid my first week’s bill. I have lost my watch; such a watch, too, as you describe, even to the dents. Your only mistake was that the dents were made by my son John, and not Willie; but even there I cannot but wonder at you, for John and Willie are twins, and so much alike that it sometimes baffles even their mother to tell them apart. The watch has no very great value intrinsically, but the associations are such that I want it back, and I will pay £200 for its recovery. I have no clew as to who took it. It was numbered—’

      “Here a happy thought struck me. In all my description of the watch I had merely described my own, a very cheap affair which I had won at a raffle. My visitor was deceiving me, though for what purpose I did not on the instant divine. No one would like to suspect him of having purloined his wife’s tiara. Why should I not deceive him, and at the same time get rid of my poor chronometer for a sum that exceeded its value a hundredfold?”

      “Good business!” cried Shylock.

      The stranger smiled and bowed.

      “Excellent,” he said. “I took the words right out of his mouth. ‘It was numbered 86507B!’ I cried, giving, of course, the number of my own watch.

      “He gazed at me narrowly for a moment, and then he smiled. ‘You grow more marvellous at every step. That was indeed the number. Are you a demon?’

      “ ‘No,’ I replied. ‘Only something of a mind-reader.’

      “Well, to be brief, the bargain was struck. I was to look for a watch that I knew he hadn’t lost, and was to receive £200 if I found it. It seemed to him to be a very good bargain, as, indeed, it was, from his point of view, feeling, as he did, that there never having been any such watch, it could not be recovered, and little suspecting that two could play at his little game of deception, and that under any circumstances I could foist a ten-shilling watch upon him for two hundred pounds. This business concluded, he started to go.

      “ ‘Won’t you have a little Scotch?’ I asked, as he started, feeling, with all that prospective profit in view, I could well afford the expense. ‘It is a stormy night.’

      “ ‘Thanks, I will,’ said he, returning and seating himself by my table—still, to my surprise, keeping his hat on.

      “ ‘Let me take your hat,’ I said, little thinking that my courtesy would reveal the true state of affairs. The mere mention of the word hat brought about a terrible change in my visitor; his knees trembled, his face grew ghastly, and he clutched the brim of his beaver until it cracked. He then nervously removed it, and I noticed a dull red mark running about his forehead, just as there would be on the forehead of a man whose hat fitted too tightly; and that mark, gentlemen, had the undulating outline of nothing more nor less than a tiara, and on the apex of the uppermost extremity was a deep indentation about the size of a shilling, that could have been made only by some adamantine substance! The mystery was solved! The robber of the Duchess of Brokedale stood before me.”

      A suppressed murmur of excitement went through the assembled spirits, and even Messrs. Hawkshaw and Le Coq were silent in the presence of such genius.

      “My plan of action was immediately formulated. The man was completely at my mercy. He had stolen the tiara, and had it concealed in the lining of his hat. I rose and locked the door. My visitor sank with a groan into my chair.

      “ ‘Why did you do that?’ he stammered, as I turned the key in the lock.

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