Caring For His Baby. Caroline Anderson

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      She was tiny.

      So small, so fragile looking, her fingers so fine they were almost transparent under the special light. She needed the light because she was yellow. Jaundiced, apparently. Quite common in slightly prem babies. Nothing to worry about.

      But Harry worried about it. He worried about all of it. How on earth was he supposed to look after her? She was just a little dot of a thing, so dainty, no bigger than a doll. Small for dates, they’d said. No wonder, under the circumstances.

      He didn’t want to think about that, about how he’d failed her mother. How he’d brought her here to London to keep her safe and then failed her anyway.

      ‘How are you doing?’

      He looked up at the nurse and tried to smile. ‘OK. She was screwing her face up a minute ago. I think she might have a nappy problem.’

      ‘Want to change it?’

      He felt his blood run cold. No. His hands were too big. He’d hurt her…

      ‘She won’t break, you know,’ the nurse teased gently. ‘You’ll be fine. I’ll help you.’

      So he changed her nappy—extraordinarily complicated for something so ordinary—and by the end of the day and a few more goes he’d mastered it, even managing to grip those tiny little ankles between his fingers without snapping her legs when he lifted her up to swap the nappies over or wipe her unbelievably tiny bottom.

      Such soft skin. Such astonishing perfection, all those little fingers and toes, the nails so small he could hardly see them. She was a little miracle, and he was awed beyond belief.

      And terrified.

      The nurse—Sue, her name was, according to her badge—brought him a bottle and helped him feed her again, and she brought it all up all over him. Panic threatened to choke him, but Sue just laughed and cleaned her up, lent him a fresh scrub top and handed her back.

      ‘Make her slow down. She’s feeding too fast—tip the bottle up a bit more so she doesn’t get so much air. And wind her in between.’

      In between what? And wind her? How? He’d never winded a baby in his life, and he was damned if he knew where to start.

      With that, or with any of it.

      He felt faintly hysterical, but that was probably lack of sleep and shock. He stifled the urge to laugh, but then his eyes prickled and he felt the panic rise again.

      What on earth had he done?

      The old Chinese proverb rang hollow in his ears. If you save a life, it belongs to you.

      He stared down at her, this tiny girl who apparently was his, her transparent fingers wrapped around his little finger with incredible strength, and the panic receded a little, replaced by wonder.

      She was amazing. Beautiful. Scary as hell, but astonishing.

      And his.

      Officially registered this morning as his daughter, in the presence of the registrar of births, marriages and deaths just round the corner from the hospital.

      He’d registered her mother’s death at the same time, armed with more forms and certificates from the hospital, and then he’d gone back there and asked СКАЧАТЬ